The majority of this blog's google hits are related to chastity, often specifically about the Bird Cage Chastity Device. So I thought I'd talk about it a bit.
Boy's had the bird cage for about six months now. He hasn't been wearing it that whole time, sorry to disappoint.
Some great things about the bird cage include:
* It's visual appeal. I can't stress enough how much I like the look of the bird cage, much more than ANY other chastity device I've ever seen. It's lovely to look at, both just because it is and also because it looks like a cage, which psychologically works really well.
* Comfort. In the short term (and generally in the long term, but more on that in a moment) boy says that it's very comfortable.
* Metal. It's made of metal, which I like best, certainly better than plastic or silicone. Sure it means boy can't go through airport security with it on, but seriously, he doesn't fly for his job so how often is this going to be a concern really?
* Price. The bird cage is the cheapest chastity option I've seen that fits our requirements, and so far it's the best. Sometimes things aren't better just because they cost more. In fact, the boy's CB6000 broke with less than a year's usage. The bird cage has had no such glitches.
* Pinching - or more specifically, a lack thereof. The boy's foreskin suffers no accidental pinching while he's wearing the bird cage, unlike the CB6000.
* It's much easier to get on than a lot of other chastity devices.
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of right now.
Some of the less great things about the bird cage:
* Abrasion. Some parts of the boy's genitals do get abraded and uncomfortable if he wears it for a few weeks. Silicone lube applied after every shower certainly slows this down, but doesn't stop it completely. This isn't necessarily a horrible thing about the bird cage - it's probably for the best to have a rest from chastity devices every few weeks anyway, so this forces that. On the down side, this forces that.
* Bulk. It is a little bulkier than most other chastity devices. I don't consider this a bad thing necessarily but apparently it does make the boy feel a little self conscious in some situations.
* A regular padlock doesn't sit quite right on it, the lock isn't thin enough or long enough or something, and so it tends to sit on its side. It still locks securely, there's no problem there, it just doesn't look asymmetrical. The lock that came WITH the cage sat just fine, but we have keyed alike locks for the cage and the boy's collar for ease of unlocking, and keeping only one key on the keyring.
So there you have it. It's an exceptionally good buy, especially for its price. I like it a lot better than some of the more expensive chastity devices. It does have its flaws, however. But don't let that stop you from buying one if you're considering it. It's one of the best purchases I've ever made.
Showing posts with label cage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cage. Show all posts
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Shifting the Dynamic
I think I need to stop promising what I'm going to write about in my next post, because I'm clearly setting a precedent of not doing it. So, new year's resolution - never promise what my next post will be on my blog :)
After the collaring, my boy and I specifically decided not to set up any protocols right away because we were attending Lee Harrington's Rituals for D/s workshop a week or so later. We didn't want to set anything up just in case the workshop was life changing. No one wants to have to say "You know that thing I told you to do a week ago? Yeah don't do that anymore, do this." Not in such a small time frame.
The workshop was wonderful, and while it wasn't particularly life changing it did give me a few things to think about. If nothing else it reminded me of some very basic, very important things, for example, it is better to have ten rules implemented and enforced than four hundred rules that even the Dominant forgets about.
So far, we don't have any rituals or protocol that have been specifically introduced since the collaring. We have a few little rituals that are very casual and not formal - but these rituals have been there for a long time and have more to do with them growing organically rather than being implemented.
For example, the boy always asks me before he comes. I didn't ask him to start doing that, he started doing it of his own accord - and it has now become such a ritual that if he comes without asking or comes before I say he can, he gets in trouble. (Not the kind of trouble that involves punishment, but I feel pretty confident in saying that if I tell him he's a bad boy, he'll feel bad enough from that alone.) Although I admit we have both been so busy the last couple of months I did give him permission a while ago that he could come whenever he likes when we're apart.
To get off subject here a little and talk about that for a moment, orgasm control is one of my boy's biggest kinks. So I imagine he misses being told he can't come on his own, and I'll be revoking that privilege at some point in the near future. I know he gets very wriggly and happy when my words control whether or not he comes, and I imagine a lack of that is probably a little boring for him.
That's a hard thing to deal with, as a Sir. As much as I am in control, sometimes life gets in the way of what we love to do, as I'm sure you know. Parents, kids, work, school, moving house, all kinds of things. For us, recently my life has been very stressful as I'm reorganizing my living arrangements, and I had some interstate visitors, and I've been quite sick... anyway, the point is, life gets in the way sometimes, and sometimes you need to dial D/s back a bit. And that's hard for me, not just because I love the control (don't get me wrong, I do) but because the boy loves the control, and I love the boy. I want him to feel that his needs are being met in this relationship, I want him to be having a good time, I want him to be happy.
A happy boy makes for a happier dynamic. So it's very hard for me to dial down things I know make my boy happy, no matter how necessary that dialing down is.
D/s is a feedback loop. We both need to be getting what we need out of the relationship for it to work. If my dominance is making him feel happy and at peace, then he is getting what he needs out of it to be a good boy, and when he is a good boy and serves me well, I feel happy and at peace. It's a big circle of goodness.
Anyway, to get back onto the initial subject of rituals, one thing that I have implemented is a bed time.
See, the boy has a habit of bumming around on the computer until it's quite late. This is not very useful for someone who works fulltime. He frequently does not get enough sleep and is often complaining about being tired, even on the weekends, because he does not care for his sleep schedule. Left to his own devices, he used to only sleep six hours a night! For my boy, this is not enough (of course how much sleep is good for us varies from person to person). The boy needs at least eight hours sleep every night for him not to be always tired.
So I implemented a bed time. I asked him what time he has to get up in the morning, and then I counted back. I seem to recall that ideally he'd be going to bed at 10:30 (I think that was because it would give him a half hour either of extra sleep, or a half hour of between-waking-and-sleeping time so he still got a full eight hours), however I realized quickly that would be impractical for him. So I set his bedtime for 11pm. He has to be IN BED and trying to sleep by 11, every work night. He can't start getting ready for bed at eleven. He has to be in bed by then.
The boy does not have insomnia, or any other sleep problems. He is just lazy about caring for his sleep. He gets into bed and falls right to sleep - which has been a source of mild, amused annoyance for me as I do suffer from insomnia and have to struggle constantly to keep my sleeping schedule functional.
Anyway, I am getting off topic again (clearly I am feeling wordy today, perhaps to make up for all the blog entries I've missed making over the last few weeks).
The last couple of nights, the boy has been half an hour later for bed time on one night, and five minutes later for bed time on another. Now here's where us D-types sometimes get stuck - what do I do about that?
It's easy to say "punish him!", but what does that mean? Punishment is a very tricky subject in D/s relationships. In scenes, punishment can be for fun or not, it doesn't matter. But in D/s... 'funishment' (that is, play that is presented as punishment) is not going to discourage an action.
But my boy is a pansy (this is not an insult, it simply means he is a beautiful, delicate flower). Pain (sudden or sharp) would certainly be a punishment, but does the punishment fit the crime? Is being late to bed really worth a beating, or ten strokes of the cane?
I don't think so.
So coming up with a punishment that fits the crime can be difficult. It has to be something not too bad, because he didn't disobey too badly (and there was no intent to disobey, which is important). It has to fit the person in question, and can be neither too lenient nor too strict.
It also has to not have associations set up elsewhere. My first thought was to make him spend his lost time (35 minutes) sorting rice grains, until I remembered that he uses a similar exercise to practice focus and meditation. I do not want him to consider focus and meditation a punishment! And I do not want him to think that his punishment is fun, either!
So, I thought about withdrawing affection and touch for 35 minutes. Certainly quite mean to my boy, who is very touch-focussed, but tolerable. However, how do you implement that? I considered corner time, however I quickly realized that being near him and not letting him touch me is something we do in play. It is a way I can tease him - so it immediately becomes a bad punishment, because it is something we do for fun.
But I followed the train of thought over to the cage. As you know, the boy loves the cage. He loves sleeping in it, he loves being it.
Suddenly I had a thought.
If I remove all the blankets and cushions from the cage, it becomes just that little bit uncomfortable. If I do not let the boy have any stimulation while he is in there, it also becomes that little bit more uncomfortable.
To put the boy in the cage in that way, for 35 minutes, one of two things will happen:
1) He will get bored. If this is the case, I think it's a suitable punishment.
2) He will go to sleep. If this is the case, he will be catching up on the sleep he was otherwise missing out on.
A win-win situation! Both of these options are a good consequence for missing bedtime.
So that is how this particular dominant goes about selecting a punishment. As you can see, it's a lot harder than most submissives think. :)
After the collaring, my boy and I specifically decided not to set up any protocols right away because we were attending Lee Harrington's Rituals for D/s workshop a week or so later. We didn't want to set anything up just in case the workshop was life changing. No one wants to have to say "You know that thing I told you to do a week ago? Yeah don't do that anymore, do this." Not in such a small time frame.
The workshop was wonderful, and while it wasn't particularly life changing it did give me a few things to think about. If nothing else it reminded me of some very basic, very important things, for example, it is better to have ten rules implemented and enforced than four hundred rules that even the Dominant forgets about.
So far, we don't have any rituals or protocol that have been specifically introduced since the collaring. We have a few little rituals that are very casual and not formal - but these rituals have been there for a long time and have more to do with them growing organically rather than being implemented.
For example, the boy always asks me before he comes. I didn't ask him to start doing that, he started doing it of his own accord - and it has now become such a ritual that if he comes without asking or comes before I say he can, he gets in trouble. (Not the kind of trouble that involves punishment, but I feel pretty confident in saying that if I tell him he's a bad boy, he'll feel bad enough from that alone.) Although I admit we have both been so busy the last couple of months I did give him permission a while ago that he could come whenever he likes when we're apart.
To get off subject here a little and talk about that for a moment, orgasm control is one of my boy's biggest kinks. So I imagine he misses being told he can't come on his own, and I'll be revoking that privilege at some point in the near future. I know he gets very wriggly and happy when my words control whether or not he comes, and I imagine a lack of that is probably a little boring for him.
That's a hard thing to deal with, as a Sir. As much as I am in control, sometimes life gets in the way of what we love to do, as I'm sure you know. Parents, kids, work, school, moving house, all kinds of things. For us, recently my life has been very stressful as I'm reorganizing my living arrangements, and I had some interstate visitors, and I've been quite sick... anyway, the point is, life gets in the way sometimes, and sometimes you need to dial D/s back a bit. And that's hard for me, not just because I love the control (don't get me wrong, I do) but because the boy loves the control, and I love the boy. I want him to feel that his needs are being met in this relationship, I want him to be having a good time, I want him to be happy.
A happy boy makes for a happier dynamic. So it's very hard for me to dial down things I know make my boy happy, no matter how necessary that dialing down is.
D/s is a feedback loop. We both need to be getting what we need out of the relationship for it to work. If my dominance is making him feel happy and at peace, then he is getting what he needs out of it to be a good boy, and when he is a good boy and serves me well, I feel happy and at peace. It's a big circle of goodness.
Anyway, to get back onto the initial subject of rituals, one thing that I have implemented is a bed time.
See, the boy has a habit of bumming around on the computer until it's quite late. This is not very useful for someone who works fulltime. He frequently does not get enough sleep and is often complaining about being tired, even on the weekends, because he does not care for his sleep schedule. Left to his own devices, he used to only sleep six hours a night! For my boy, this is not enough (of course how much sleep is good for us varies from person to person). The boy needs at least eight hours sleep every night for him not to be always tired.
So I implemented a bed time. I asked him what time he has to get up in the morning, and then I counted back. I seem to recall that ideally he'd be going to bed at 10:30 (I think that was because it would give him a half hour either of extra sleep, or a half hour of between-waking-and-sleeping time so he still got a full eight hours), however I realized quickly that would be impractical for him. So I set his bedtime for 11pm. He has to be IN BED and trying to sleep by 11, every work night. He can't start getting ready for bed at eleven. He has to be in bed by then.
The boy does not have insomnia, or any other sleep problems. He is just lazy about caring for his sleep. He gets into bed and falls right to sleep - which has been a source of mild, amused annoyance for me as I do suffer from insomnia and have to struggle constantly to keep my sleeping schedule functional.
Anyway, I am getting off topic again (clearly I am feeling wordy today, perhaps to make up for all the blog entries I've missed making over the last few weeks).
The last couple of nights, the boy has been half an hour later for bed time on one night, and five minutes later for bed time on another. Now here's where us D-types sometimes get stuck - what do I do about that?
It's easy to say "punish him!", but what does that mean? Punishment is a very tricky subject in D/s relationships. In scenes, punishment can be for fun or not, it doesn't matter. But in D/s... 'funishment' (that is, play that is presented as punishment) is not going to discourage an action.
But my boy is a pansy (this is not an insult, it simply means he is a beautiful, delicate flower). Pain (sudden or sharp) would certainly be a punishment, but does the punishment fit the crime? Is being late to bed really worth a beating, or ten strokes of the cane?
I don't think so.
So coming up with a punishment that fits the crime can be difficult. It has to be something not too bad, because he didn't disobey too badly (and there was no intent to disobey, which is important). It has to fit the person in question, and can be neither too lenient nor too strict.
It also has to not have associations set up elsewhere. My first thought was to make him spend his lost time (35 minutes) sorting rice grains, until I remembered that he uses a similar exercise to practice focus and meditation. I do not want him to consider focus and meditation a punishment! And I do not want him to think that his punishment is fun, either!
So, I thought about withdrawing affection and touch for 35 minutes. Certainly quite mean to my boy, who is very touch-focussed, but tolerable. However, how do you implement that? I considered corner time, however I quickly realized that being near him and not letting him touch me is something we do in play. It is a way I can tease him - so it immediately becomes a bad punishment, because it is something we do for fun.
But I followed the train of thought over to the cage. As you know, the boy loves the cage. He loves sleeping in it, he loves being it.
Suddenly I had a thought.
If I remove all the blankets and cushions from the cage, it becomes just that little bit uncomfortable. If I do not let the boy have any stimulation while he is in there, it also becomes that little bit more uncomfortable.
To put the boy in the cage in that way, for 35 minutes, one of two things will happen:
1) He will get bored. If this is the case, I think it's a suitable punishment.
2) He will go to sleep. If this is the case, he will be catching up on the sleep he was otherwise missing out on.
A win-win situation! Both of these options are a good consequence for missing bedtime.
So that is how this particular dominant goes about selecting a punishment. As you can see, it's a lot harder than most submissives think. :)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
More Cage Adventures
Sorry I've been absent, I had a very good friend visiting from interstate and have been busy paying attention to him. :-)
While he was here, we shared in a moment that amused us both. We were sitting on my couch, discussing all kinds of things, and sharing a delicious lunch of bagels and things. The boy was naked and in the cage - by his own volition, perhaps I should add.
Sitting, talking with my friend, I pulled apart pieces of bagel, dipped them in hummus and slipped them into the boy's mouth between the metal bars. It was a very natural movement.
After a few pieces, I paused and chuckled quietly to myself.
"There are moments," I say to my friend, "where I realize how strange my life would be to most people."
"I was just thinking that," he replied. "Not many people have naked boys in cages in their living rooms."
Perhaps they don't. But that is their loss.
The boy is in the cage again presently - locked in, as a matter of fact, for the next 36 hours (with the exception of supervised toilet breaks, of course). This is happening because I made a joke that he would get bored if he was in the cage for a day or two - he disagreed. (Are you noticing a pattern? I do believe this is how he ended up spending the night in there last time!)
At the beginning, I felt certain I would lose - he seems so happy in the cage that I am pleased this bet did not have any money attached. But a few hours in, and while he may not be bored yet I suspect another full day and a half of this may prove me victorious. We will see.
I asked him a few minutes ago how he is going, since I have a couple of friends online who want updates. His response was a big, cheerful smile that only boys know how to give, and a happy exclamation of "NICE!".
While he was here, we shared in a moment that amused us both. We were sitting on my couch, discussing all kinds of things, and sharing a delicious lunch of bagels and things. The boy was naked and in the cage - by his own volition, perhaps I should add.
Sitting, talking with my friend, I pulled apart pieces of bagel, dipped them in hummus and slipped them into the boy's mouth between the metal bars. It was a very natural movement.
After a few pieces, I paused and chuckled quietly to myself.
"There are moments," I say to my friend, "where I realize how strange my life would be to most people."
"I was just thinking that," he replied. "Not many people have naked boys in cages in their living rooms."
Perhaps they don't. But that is their loss.
The boy is in the cage again presently - locked in, as a matter of fact, for the next 36 hours (with the exception of supervised toilet breaks, of course). This is happening because I made a joke that he would get bored if he was in the cage for a day or two - he disagreed. (Are you noticing a pattern? I do believe this is how he ended up spending the night in there last time!)
At the beginning, I felt certain I would lose - he seems so happy in the cage that I am pleased this bet did not have any money attached. But a few hours in, and while he may not be bored yet I suspect another full day and a half of this may prove me victorious. We will see.
I asked him a few minutes ago how he is going, since I have a couple of friends online who want updates. His response was a big, cheerful smile that only boys know how to give, and a happy exclamation of "NICE!".
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sleeping in the Cage
I own a lovely large cage. It's a dog cage, one that's sized for dogs like great danes and st bernards, so it's very big - about 1.5m x 1m x 1m. You can fit people into it extremely comfortably. At an event I ran, we had three people locked in the cage and then they started wrestling with each other... it was very entertaining to watch, and it gives you an idea of just how roomy it is.
I have always had a thing for cages. It's not necessarily a BDSM thing, either. For example, I like being in cages myself, even though I am exclusively dominant. For me, it is like when you are a child and you play in boxes - it's like having a fort, a place where the rest of the world doesn't matter, somewhere cozy and nice where you can settle down and just relax.
My cage is very comfortable for short term snuggling down and relaxing. I knew it was big enough to make someone sleep it it overnight without harming them, but I wasn't sure if it could be done comfortably.
Enter, the boy.
Last night we were mucking about with the cage, at one point discovering that you can easily fit two people who are snuggling into it. I talked to him about how much I adore cages, how I find them fun and secure when I am in them, and how I find them sexy and exciting when I am putting someone else in them. How I always fantasize about having someone sleep in them overnight.
He made a joke about sleeping in the cage that night. I laughed it off. A little later, he joked about it again. I told him that I doubted it would be very comfortable for him. He told me that he'd be fine.
Long story short, at midnight I was tucking him into the cage with lots of pillows and blankets. I deliberately did not lock it, because I was going to be sleeping in my room (the cage is in my living room) and I wanted him to be able to get up and pee if he needed it, or if it became too uncomfortable, come in and get into bed with me. I was not comfortable with locking him into something if I wasn't going to be able to be in the same room all night.
I covered the cage with blankets to keep the light down, as I was going to be up for a couple more hours in the living room and I didn't want to disturb him too much. This is a trick that you learn if you have caged pets - growing up I had a cockatoo, and to put her "to bed" each night I would cover her cage with a large sheet, to keep the cage dark.
Half an hour after putting him to bed--or perhaps, "to cage"--I heard soft snoring noises. Two hours later, they were still going on, and I went to bed myself.
I got up in the morning and came out into the living room only to find that he was still asleep in the cage. I sat down on the floor by the door and uncovered that part of the cage. His eyes opened.
"Hello," I said softly, smiling at him.
"Hello," he said back, smiling that wonderfully adorable boy-smile.
Then he said, "I told you."
Indeed you did, my boy. Indeed you did.
I have always had a thing for cages. It's not necessarily a BDSM thing, either. For example, I like being in cages myself, even though I am exclusively dominant. For me, it is like when you are a child and you play in boxes - it's like having a fort, a place where the rest of the world doesn't matter, somewhere cozy and nice where you can settle down and just relax.
My cage is very comfortable for short term snuggling down and relaxing. I knew it was big enough to make someone sleep it it overnight without harming them, but I wasn't sure if it could be done comfortably.
Enter, the boy.
Last night we were mucking about with the cage, at one point discovering that you can easily fit two people who are snuggling into it. I talked to him about how much I adore cages, how I find them fun and secure when I am in them, and how I find them sexy and exciting when I am putting someone else in them. How I always fantasize about having someone sleep in them overnight.
He made a joke about sleeping in the cage that night. I laughed it off. A little later, he joked about it again. I told him that I doubted it would be very comfortable for him. He told me that he'd be fine.
Long story short, at midnight I was tucking him into the cage with lots of pillows and blankets. I deliberately did not lock it, because I was going to be sleeping in my room (the cage is in my living room) and I wanted him to be able to get up and pee if he needed it, or if it became too uncomfortable, come in and get into bed with me. I was not comfortable with locking him into something if I wasn't going to be able to be in the same room all night.
I covered the cage with blankets to keep the light down, as I was going to be up for a couple more hours in the living room and I didn't want to disturb him too much. This is a trick that you learn if you have caged pets - growing up I had a cockatoo, and to put her "to bed" each night I would cover her cage with a large sheet, to keep the cage dark.
Half an hour after putting him to bed--or perhaps, "to cage"--I heard soft snoring noises. Two hours later, they were still going on, and I went to bed myself.
I got up in the morning and came out into the living room only to find that he was still asleep in the cage. I sat down on the floor by the door and uncovered that part of the cage. His eyes opened.
"Hello," I said softly, smiling at him.
"Hello," he said back, smiling that wonderfully adorable boy-smile.
Then he said, "I told you."
Indeed you did, my boy. Indeed you did.
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