A quick guide to flagging.

This blog gets a lot of search hits for things like "hanky code" and "flagging hunter green" and things like that, so for those of you stumbling across this in your search for flagging information, here is a short, quick guide to flagging.

First, a disclaimer, flagging does change from region to region and subculture to subculture (flagging in queer circles is different from flagging in Leather circles, and that's different from flagging in mainstream gay circles, etc). So just be careful of that. My knowledge is all from Australian flagging, and the closest thing we have to global Leather flagging (thanks to the internet!).

Flagging can be done with hankies (or bandannas), keys, chains, leather straps, cuffs, or ribbons. You can also use other things, of course, but the chances of it being recognized as a flag is lower than it is for these items.

To flag as a top, the item goes on your left. To flag as a bottom, the item goes on your right. To flag as a switch, the item goes in the middle.

There's also the issue of flagging via your neck - in some cases, this simply means switch, but in other cases it means hardcore. You can still flag left or right if you tie a hanky around your neck - the knot goes on the side that you're flagging. In short, be cautious when flagging with your neck.

Some other notes about flagging, before we get to colours:

If you're flagging with keys, some people take keys out to mean "available" and keys tucked into your pocket to mean "unavailable".

You can also flag switch by wearing two of whatever, one on each side. This is most commonly seen with cuffs or leather straps.

Be aware of the culture you're flagging in. You can probably flag whatever and however you like at a queer event, but if you're going to a Leather event make sure your hankies are clean and ironed, and that you're not flagging too many (maximum of two).

Now, about colours.

There are a million lists on the internet about hanky code colours (here are a couple: [link one] and [link two]) so I'm not going to list them all.

Now, some are more common than others. By all means flag whatever you like, but be aware that if it's an obscure one, then people may not know what you're flagging. Not everyone has the entire list memorized, for good reason :) Also the need to know the whole list is unnecessary; you generally only have to know the ones you're into.

Now let's talk about where to get items to flag with.

Most of the things I mentioned are easy to get (like ribbons and chains) or you already have (like your keys). Actual hankies, well, you can get them wherever you like too. I can't speak for other countries but here in Australia there's a certain type of bandanna that is the most common form of colour hanky flagging.

You can get bandannas specifically for flagging from most Leather & BDSM stores here in Australia. Here in Melbourne, mine came from Mannhaus, and I have also seen them at Eagle Leather and Lucrezia De Sade.

On a final note, I've already mentioned different cultures around flagging. Again, I can't speak for anywhere but here, but in the Leather culture here, it is common for hankies to be earned like leathers. They are often given as a gift for actually doing the thing that it flags, and doing it well. Your mileage may vary.

So that's that - I know that's a lot of information, but no one can claim that my introductions aren't thorough. :)

Power Imbalances

So, boy is submissive and I am dominant. In short, I'm the boss.

But is it that simple?

I'm on a pension, and boy works full time and earns a decent wage.

One of the biggest problems in people's relationships is money. Whether it's joint money that no one can agree on what to spend it on, or the power imbalance of one partner making substantially more money than the other does.

I sometimes ponder on how this power imbalance affects our deliberate power imbalance. Sometimes I fear it has more bearing than the D/s does. Sometimes I think it's irrelevant. I guess like all things, it changes and shifts with time.

At the moment, I'm acutely aware of the power imbalance, as we're moving house. Moving house costs *money*, and a lot of that money will come from the boy. Also, the house we are moving into costs a lot of money, and the boy is paying slightly more rent than I am. Thus, he also gets the master bedroom, and I get a small bedroom that I'm barely going to fit my bed in.

Now, while the D/s exists and I could go, well, I'm the Daddy, therefore I get the master bedroom... the money power imbalance complicates it. Yes, I could do that. But it could spawn resentment from the boy - and resentment is a BAD thing to have in a relationship. It is poison.

Financial power imbalance makes balancing consensual power exchanges difficult. It requires a lot more balancing and juggling than a D/s relationship between two people of similar economic classes would.

So as it stands, at the moment the D/s is slightly less important than all the other stuff in our life. We have to work out money and logistics and move ourselves. Now, this can be a pitfall in D/s relationships - you just wave your hand and go, whatever, we'll work it out later, and before you know it you've lost the D/s connection. I am a little afraid of this but I know we will make it work.

What *does* worry me is that if we balance the financial power imbalance too well, will *I* start to feel resentment for the lack of balance in the D/s? I guess we'll see. I am not perfect, after all. If I start to feel that resentment, I will a) communicate it to the boy and b) work out some kind of solution to make me feel that my position as leader and head of the family is not under threat, nor is it being ignored.

Ropey Pony

As you may remember, this year I had to cut rope off a bottom.

Since then I've been left with bundles of cut rope not quite long enough to salvage even for much shorter useful lengths. Due to being both a bit of a hippie and dirt poor, I abhor waste.

So I'm recycling.

I'm using this rope to construct a rope bridle for pony play. I'll probably use it to make a tail as well, and anything else that I can think of that can be made with what I have - which I'm sure will be something. I firmly believe that rope can do anything.

I'm a consumer whore!

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