Love My Community, Need My Community

Tonight my and mine (boy & serina) went to the Melbourne Leather Dinner, a casual get together sort of event at a pub for Leather folk. I usually go every month but I have missed a couple of months due to sickness.

God, I missed it so much.

I didn't even notice until we walked in, and I was greeted by my friends and we hugged and we talked and I just felt so... good. At home. Peaceful. Happy.

Even just being in that space is so essential for me. I need it. I crave it.

My community, I love my community. It makes me feel fulfilled and happy and peaceful. I love the Leather community, I love it like family. It is my family. It's my home.

Hmm!

Now that I have a day to myself, some things are starting to sink in.

Which is good, because I am frequently a worry wart and I have been thinking so hard about making sure serina and I do this thing we're doing right and slowly and I have to be careful and think of my responsibility and be a responsible careful adult and blah blah blah.

But I also just had a moment, just now, where I felt the stuff I get out of it too. I felt the little shudder of a power trip stirring in the back of my mind.

And that's good. Because at the end of the day, that power trip is one of the major draws of being a dominant. :)

Big Weekend

Where to start where to start... and I just know I'm going to forget a lot of what I wanted to write about. Oh well.

Serina came round to spend the weekend here. It is good, we are becoming more comfortable around each other - or certainly, I am becoming more comfortable. Which is good. I'm sure she is at least a little frustrated with my slow pace, but, well... that pace is one of the reasons I am good at the things I am good at. She is accepting of it, fortunately. :)

We all (myself, boy, and serina) went out to a kink event on Saturday night - specifically Chains, which is a lovely low-stress, relaxed event held at a pub. We had dinner at the pub beforehand, and it was very lovely for me to sit at a table with my charges either side of me and enjoy a meal together.

Boy is having to adapt too, and he is also quite slow to adapt to new information, so I am being quite lenient with him as he learns. The biggest thing he's having trouble remembering is which side of me to be on.

I've posted before about how I prefer my submissive to be on my left, due to my particular martial arts experiences involving the lower grades being to the left of the higher grades. What I didn't write about in that post however, is that it's never really bothered me which side boy has been on.

I don't know why! But it honestly has never bothered me whether boy is to my left or my right, so we have never had a protocol in place for that before.

However, I have noticed that I definitely feel better with serina on my left.

So that I don't lose boy, when we are all together, now I find myself preferring him on my right, so I can have them either side of me. So boy is having to learn this. It will no doubt take a while for it to sink in, because we've been together for years and I've never had a preference for him before. But I feel confident he can rise to the challenge :p

It's also somewhat fitting I suppose, when I think of it my mind drifts towards the phrase "right hand man", and that's certainly what boy is for me. He is my sidekick, my second in command.

So after so long of not having a preference, I expected having one now to feel somewhat arbitrary, but honestly... it feels perfect. My boy is my right hand man, and he will stand to my right side.

Back to the event... serina and boy are slowly finding out how they interact with each other as well, which is interesting to watch - but I do find myself sighing much like a parent, and I suspect an occasional separation so they kids behave may become a thing. Heh.

I played with serina some, just a quick play because although we have played together before it was a couple of years ago now, and I needed to relearn her. Boy bought me a lovely new cane so I decided to try it out on her, and it's a wonderful little toy... it makes her do that little dance that people do when they get caned, ehehe.

It was good, to play with her and get a feel for her. She didn't mark though >:( despite some good thwaps with the cane. So she is coming with me to Provocation this Friday, and I have accepted the challenge of her flesh and I am going to make her wish she'd never been born. >:)

I also played with boy a bit, just tied him up in some decorative rope. Bondage is his favourite thing so he is very easy to please :p

I am working very hard to make sure boy doesn't feel neglected at all during this time. NRE happens in D/s relationships too and I am putting a lot of effort into being careful about how I handle it.

An interesting side effect from this whole thing - and it was something I discussed with boy as I was still negotiating with serina - is that given a submissive with whom the end goal is slavery, I am finding it easier to be bossier and stricter with boy, as well.

This is actually a very good thing because I do sometimes get a little too lenient with him. So the added sternness is a big benefit for him from this whole deal.

Something else interesting is that as boy put me to bed on Saturday night, he commented that since serina had come along, I had become much better at receiving service. This was something I hadn't noticed at all, but it makes a lot of sense because now I have two service-oriented submissives who get my attention, and that means I need to pay attention to making sure everyone gets things to do.

It's interesting for me, too, noting how many things I am not yet comfortable having serina do as service, and a couple of things that I've realized will always be boy's job regardless. For example, putting my shoes on? That is boy's job. That is a special ritual between us. Also a lot of things involving my room - I am very protective about my space, and boy is the only person aside from myself who is allowed in my bedroom. So lots of things are going to stay his job for as long as that is something I am feeling.

It is interesting and joyful to me how different my relations between me and boy or me and serina are. I am not seeking a stable of submissives who all act and think and look alike. I have very different ideas of what I want from each of them.

This will be a very interesting, and very fulfilling journey I feel. Not just between me and serina - but also for boy, and between me and boy. We have been together for some years now and our lives are entangled. Everything new that happens for one of us happens for both of us.

Under Consideration

Serina and I have started our three month period of consideration. On or around July 5th, we'll discuss how we're going and what will change and where we will go next.

It's very interesting, actually - my biggest concern about her has been and is that she is very fast to jump into things, whereas I am very slow. I suspected she was expecting more than has occurred, and some communication between us has shown this to be so.

For both of us, this is a very serious journey that we are both hoping will end in a total power exchange relationship. But I am so very, very acutely aware of what that means, and I know that for it to work we need to work up to it. We need to learn how we react and relate to each other, we need to make sure we are both thinking clearly before we commit to more than we can actually give.

So we are starting light. Slowly, ever so slowly, we will gradually increase what parts of her life and herself she is able to give me control over.

This also gives me time to get accustomed to spending energy on someone new, without burning out due to too much too soon. I am already responsible for myself and for my boy, adding a new life to that needs to be done slowly and carefully so that I don't snap and break down from pressure.

It also gives time for her partner to get accustomed to me being a part of her life without feeling like I am about to steal her away from her forever. It lets Serina and boy get accustomed to each other. It lets me get to know Serina's partner. The combining and expanding of families isn't a small thing to be rushed.

I know Serina wants so much more, and that's good, because I do too. But in time.

For now, I have changed her hair to something that pleases me, and I have set her a bedtime for when she is alone. In the time between seeing her, I will be thinking, and planning, and thinking some more. Working out my feelings. Working out my plans. Slowly we will increase my presence in her life, and slowly I will become used to receiving service from her. Also I will plot and plan terrible things to do to her.

All while balancing my relationship with boy and making sure his needs are cared for, and making sure that I remember to take time for myself as well.

I see a lot of talk on the internet about "under consideration", or the consideration period of D/s dating. A lot of people seem to think that it's a ridiculous idea and we should simply "call it what it is - dating".

I don't agree with this.

I get where they are coming from - the period of time between "we have met" and "we are now in a relationship" is usually called dating. It's the part where you get to know each other and get a feel for how you act around each other and how you fit into each other's lives.

But the thing is, for me, dating is something I do with vanilla partners. The consideration period is that part of getting to know each other for D/s partners.

I suppose, for a lot of people, it's irrelevant, as a lot of people are monogamous, and a lot of people see a D/s relationship and a vanilla romantic relationship as two parts of the same relationship. But that's not where I'm coming from.

I am not testing the waters with Serina in that way. I am testing the waters with her with a view towards her becoming my slave.

I am not dating her. I am considering her. And likewise, she is considering me, finding out if I am good for her.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Oh boy, blog, where do I even start.

Well, breakup wise, I am coping well. Sad, mourning, yes. But that's healthy. I'm having a little pity party at my place tonight, literally - I have some close friends coming around and we're going to drink and be merry. I may or may not talk about my feelings, but I feel that tonight will be the catalyst for me in terms of healing.

I am doing my best to be kind to myself. I'm succeeding. Clearly this is a thing that gets easier with practice. :)

In terms of the girl who has approached me - whose online handle is Serina so I think I'll stick with that in terms of what I call her on this blog - we spoke again this past week and discussed some options. I need a little extra time to mourn before I can take on a submissive, so we will speak again this coming Thursday.

But it is becoming clear to me that this is a thing that is happening, this is a change that is coming.

We've agreed to have a period of consideration of three months, where we can be D/s and see how well we work in those roles. After that, we'll see how we go. But we are both talking with a view to an eventual M/s relationship. If it all goes swimmingly, the fantasy-based-in-reality is that in a year, perhaps, we will move her into my house with me and the boy, and I will collar her.

Despite having been talking about this for a couple of weeks now and making plans very carefully that move very slowly but almost everyone's standards - this is all happening very fast for me. I'm a very slow person, I process things slowly and I make decisions with a lot of thought behind them.

I am trying to seize the day and all that without giving up my nature, which is to move slowly and carefully. I think that nature of mine is important and useful, especially when it comes to negotiating D/s relationships.

Anyway, I'm not really sure where I'm going with that thought.

The coming three months will be interesting. It's going to be good though, not just to see how we work together, but this period of consideration is good for me as well - it gives me time to slowly get accustomed to expending energy on a new person. Which is something that I will take some time to get used to - after all, D/s wise, I have only had my boy for years now. I've learned to fill in time. Now I have to unlearn that a little, make my life a little more concise, so as to fit in the time to expend energy on a new person.

Huh, that was interesting. In a sentence I wrote and then deleted, I noticed that I seem to be struggling to type Serina's name with a capital letter. This is interesting because I've never particularly bought into the whole capitalization matters thing when it comes to D/s. Perhaps my feelings on that are changing.

Anyway.

Serina is very much interested in handing over control of as much as I am comfortable taking, it seems, and a sign of this is her desire to have me modify her. She is very adamant that at the very least I change her hair. I'm amused by this but it works well for me because that's something I am very interested in. So the first thing I will be doing once I officially place her under consideration is change her hair. :)

Reflection on Responsibility towards Community

So, this girl who has approached me (I should give her a nickname for this blog, but I'm too tired of think one right now - next post maybe) has been back reading this blog, which I think is a great idea. It's also inspired me to do my own back reading of my blog.

It's been... illuminating.

What's interesting to me isn't so much anything about myself that's changed, but rather the things that haven't changed at all. That I am still, essentially, the same person I was when I started this blog. That's interesting to me.

When I came to this entry on responsibility, I had a lot of feelings come up.

I wrote that almost exactly two years ago.

In the last two years I have become more well known in my local scene and on the internet, I've gained more respect. More and more people ask for my thoughts, my opinions, my advice, my time, my effort.

I am still always, always cautious of the responsibility that comes with that. Reading that entry was a lovely reminder of - as I said above - something about me that hasn't changed.

But the more I grow and the more faith people put in me, the more responsibility I gain. It becomes more and more important that I carefully consider my words and my actions. It becomes more and more important that I do my damn best to be kind and compassionate and helpful. It becomes more and more important that I make sure I am worthy of their trust.

I do my best. I always will.

Break Ups and Approaches

A couple of nights ago, my vanilla girlfriend broke up with me. It was unfortunate and I'm pretty upset about it - we had been together for two and a half years. I am doing my best to cope with it and allow myself time to feel sad.

Barely 14 hours or so after the breakup, during a conversation which had been arranged a week or so in advance, another girl expressed interest in becoming my slave.

I'm a bit all over the place and I'm dealing with it all as best I can. I am a little worried about this girl, in that she has a tendency to jump into things without thinking, but if she is willing to show me she can be patient and thoughtful it seems very likely this may go somewhere.

So yes. Everything is happening at once. I am trying to get myself together while still allowing myself space to grieve. But nothing ever comes at a "good" time.

We will see what the coming weeks bring.

Scent Marking

Sorry for the absence! I've been very, very ill, unfortunately. But I am starting to get a hold of how to keep up with things, even if my health doesn't seem to be improving just yet.

Ages and ages ago I wrote about scent-marking. It took a long time but we finally got around to that.

Today we went to a perfumery to have a good whiff of the Demeter fragrances they stock. (Demeter has long been my favourite scent company.)

We smelled almost every bottle they had. After all what we were looking for had to fit a lot of criteria. It had to:

* Be something that *I* like the smell of
* Be something that *boy* likes the smell of
* Be something that speaks to us both on an emotional level

Oh boy, I had no idea how complicated this would get. As we went through the testers we quickly discovered that we both have almost opposite preferences in scents, and the few scents that we did both like did not speak to us emotionally.

In the end we did find something though.

I'm an *extremely* scent-oriented person. A long time ago, I used to wear Demeter's "Rain" fragrance almost all the time. It speaks to me very strongly. I, and those I was close to, quickly came to associate that scent with me. I stopped wearing it a few years ago, not for any particular reason... I just ran out of the scent and never got around to buying more.

Since we were at the perfumery anyway, boy wanted to buy me another bottle of it as a gift, which was very sweet of him. :)

As we compared and discussed all the other scents in terms of what we liked and also what spoke to us, it eventually became clear that Demeter's "Ocean" fragrance was going to be the choice. It is something we both find very pleasant to smell, and its notes are related, but not the same, as my "Rain" fragrance. So in this sense it is a fitting scent to mark the boy with as mine - related to me, similar, under my influence, but still different.

I can't speak for the boy, but on a personal level, because smell is such an important thing to me, it was very important that the scent we choose make me feel something deep inside, a growling sense of ownership in my gut. The "Ocean" scent gave me that feeling, so I was glad to settle on it.

Boy is presently in the shower, and when he gets out I will be having him kneel before me, and I will spray him gently once at the back of his neck and once at the front of his neck, marking him as my property and my family.

I am very happy about this. :)

On Earning Leather

I had the realization recently, as I discussed things with my boy over dinner one night, that I'm not sure I will ever buy myself more leather.

Of the leather I own, I own boots and I own a vest. That is all. I do not even own a belt, because I wear rope as a belt - because rope is precious to me and I like to have it on hand at all times. I wear the rope knotted on my left side, so it also functions as a flag.

My vest is incredibly important to me. I wrote about my vest when I bought it.

My vest is a promise, to myself, that I will always strive to be better. My vest is my way of constantly checking that I am on the path I want to be on.

Every time I pull on my vest, I ask myself: am I working towards being the person I want to be? Am I working to be compassionate, generous, kind? Am I working to be thoughtful, courageous, a man of integrity?

If the answer is yes, I wear my vest with pride.

If the answer is no, I take my vest off and it stays off until the answer is yes.

So my vest has incredible meaning for me.

The discussion of chaps came up, and boy expressed a desire to see me in a pair of chaps - and I admitted, somewhat surprised at myself, that I don't think I will be buying myself any more leather.

Earning leather is a tricky thing. On one hand, I think it's a beautiful and incredibly meaningful tradition among Leather people. On the other hand, I can think of many reasons why someone may prefer to buy their own leather rather than earning it - hell, as I said, I bought my own vest, and that doesn't leave it with any less meaning. And of course there will be plenty of Leather people who don't feel their leather needs to have a purpose at all, and buy it just for the look, the smell, the sex appeal.

But for me?

For me, I don't think I'd be comfortable buying any more leather. Perhaps it's a product of my years as a martial artist - but I don't seek to raise my own level, as it were. To me that feels empty.

And for me, I do not have a mentor. Nor do I really have a Leather family - I have my boy and at present it's just the two of us. So there is no one to grant me leather, as it were. Perhaps one day I will be enough a part of the community that it could come from there, but I am not certain that will ever eventuate.

These two facts combine, and it leads to this: I doubt I will ever own any further leather than I already own.

What surprised me is that I'm actually 100% comfortable with this.

I have no desire to be some kind of God of Leather. If I have the respect of my boy and my peers, that is enough for me. If I feel safe and comfortable in the leather I own, that is enough for me.

My journey as a Leather Sir does not rely on me 'levelling up'. It relies on me simply being true to myself.

2011 Coming to a Close

Apologies for the absence over the last few months - but life has just been... interesting, hectic, difficult. Aside from my family troubles I've had health troubles galore, and it just hasn't been a very productive time for me.

So the new year is coming up, and I must say it can't come too soon. This year has been a stressful one, to say the least.

This month marks two years since I officially collared my boy, and we are as happy as ever. Our fifth anniversary as a couple is coming up in February and I must say that my gratitude for my boy, our relationship, and the stability and love of it all knows no bounds. I am so happy to have him in my life.

So here's to the new year, and all the adventures, love, and shenanigans it may hold!

And hopefully I will be writing here more frequently again, as things are finally starting to settle for me. :)