I haven't forgotten you, blog!

Boy broke his arm, and I've been run off my feet looking after him for the last couple of weeks. Hence the radio silence.

Yesterday I ran a rope workshop for beginners, it was okay. I'm out of practise at teaching, so it'll take a bit before I get back into the swing of it, I think. Folks who came seemed to enjoy themselves, though - I've gotten some lovely feedback.

I'm still absolutely knackered, so I'll just leave it there for now - hopefully I'll have some time tomorrow to write a proper entry.

Busy busy busy

It's been a busy week or so! I've barely had time to think let alone blog, and boy do I have a lot of thoughts that I'll slowly let trickle out of my brain in the coming weeks.

Stuff that's happened in the last week or so:

* Two play parties, Chains Feat. Newbie Night and Provocation.

* The 1st Melbourne Fetish Awards.

* Melbourne Leather Dinner.

* First meeting of a local alternative pornography production team.

* Big Talks with the boy.

and probably more.

So I have a lot going on, but I've been faaarrrrr too fucked to write about it. But I'll start doing that soon. :)

In the meantime, my 100th post is coming up soon and I feel like I should do something special, but I have no idea what. If you have a suggestion, I'd love to hear it.

New Toy!

The boy's chastity device arrived today! World record speed delivery from extreme restraints. I must say that I really enjoy their service and products. Even when posting to Australia things arrive quickly.

I opened it up and had a look. It's VERY shiny. I like it a lot.

I left it out on the table for when boy got home.

He came home and I made a big deal of showing it to him. Also, I told him that he wasn't allowed to touch it.

So I left it there, occasionally stroking it. I enjoy this form of torment. This thing that the boy wants so badly is right there in front of him, but he's not allowed to have it. To make it worse, it's something most people would run away from. I laughed and told him how lucky he is, that the device isn't on him, that he's allowed to have as many orgasms as he wants at the moment... because I'm so nice, you see, that's why the chastity device is just sitting there, not being on him.

There's a few aspects to this. One, of course, the boy is very much into chastity. But the more important thing is that the bird cage is a new toy, and whenever anyone gets a new toy they want to play with it. Having it just sit there, completely within reach but forbidden, is pretty much torture for the boy. But it's fun for me!

I was going to let him try it on before bed, but only if he wanted it badly enough. After the world's WORST begging, I decided that he really doesn't want it that badly. So he's gone to bed without touching it.

I'll be taking it into my room tonight, just to make sure he doesn't get any funny ideas about touching it tomorrow morning. :P

Bird Cage Chastity Device

So my plans for my anniversary gift for the boy fell through, so I moved on to another plan. A couple of days ago I ordered him a bird cage chastity device, from extreme restraints.

We already own a cb6000, but it's too small for him, and it pinches his foreskin badly. I knew this was going to happen when he bought it, and I told him so, but he insisted it would be okay. :P Let it be a lesson: Daddy is always right.

But, this time *I* am the buyer, not the boy, so I got to actually do measurements and figure things out, and I'm pretty confident that it will actually be comfortable for him to wear.

Also, the bird cage design is the only chastity device I've seen of which I actually enjoy its aesthetic appeal. Most chastity devices I find very boring to look at at best, and ugly at worst. The bird cage is attractive to look at, which is a huge plus in my book.

I find it funny that the boy is generally seen to be fairly light in regards to kink, because he is not into pain. He is into sensation and service and chastity and orgasm denial and tickling. All completely common kinks, but for some reason it gives the impression that he's not 'serious' about kink.

Don't get me wrong, I tease him about being a pansy all the time, but I think people forget that pansies are beautiful, delicate flowers that give us pleasure to have and look at.

But anyway, I think a lot of people think of us as a vanilla couple first, because they know I am soft on him in many ways - and sure, I am, in many ways, but not in all ways. I push him in many areas, I challenge him and yes, I do mean things to him. Just because they are not traditionally sadistic things doesn't make them any less awesomely mean.

Example. When I reach towards his mid section he automatically startles and tries to deflect, because surprise!tickles are a frequent occurrence. Mind fucks become easy, all I have to do is rest my hand over his ribs gently and not tickle him, it freaks him out.

Chastity, too, is an interesting one. People are all "oh yeah, chastity, whatever", but when I tell people that boy went an entire year without an orgasm their eyes go wide and it's like they've suddenly realized that you can be hardcore at anything.

You can be hardcore at anything.

But more importantly, why the fuck does it matter?

Don't get me wrong, I'm an edge player, and I love it. But I don't like that people think 'soft' fetishes somehow make people less serious players. It doesn't.

Anyway, little tangent there, sorry.

Back onto chastity. I didn't know I was into chastity until I agreed to help the boy explore his chastity fetish. And then VWHOOMP. New fetish alert. Now, I'm probably as into it as he is.

And I like it for practical reasons as well as sexy ones. Chastity is something I can do that doesn't wear me out. Chastity is something I can do even when I'm going through asexual phases. Chastity makes me feel even more secure in our relationship.

Chastity is pretty awesome. I can't wait to get the new cage onto the boy and start threatening to throw away the key, heh. (I've promised that I won't lock him up permanently... while we're in our twenties. I'll think about it again maybe when we're in our fifties. ;))

UPDATE 25/8/2011: I've written an update on the bird cage chastity device, and its pros and cons. You can find that post here: http://diaryofaleatherman.blogspot.com/2011/08/bird-cage-chastity-updates.html

Enormous Sunday!

Less philosophizing, more about real life, yes?

So on Sunday I had a couple of awesome photographers come around and a bunch of models, and we set to work pulling together something of a portfolio of my ropework for my up and coming website. We did some portrait shots before we got started (and thus before I got all redfaced and sweaty) and then I set about tying folks up.

I tied up I think about seven people that day, and was thoroughly exhausted after it all. I was frustrated we didn't have the time and/or energy to keep going, actually, I had so many great ideas.

But, there will be more, which is great. Because if nothing else I need more male models (I only got around to tying up one of the two men who came around for photos).

What does make me happy is the wide variety of women I tied up, all their different body shapes and styles and personalities. I get tired of a lot of bondage photos all featuring very similar bodies and types of women. Rope is fun for everyone, and everyone should feel represented. (So on that note, if you're an awesome freak and want to get tied up and have pictures taken, contact me :P).

One thing that was interesting and fun is that tying for photos is so completely different to tying for sensation or tying for suspension. You have to be a lot more aware of loose ends and symmetry and all sorts of things. It's a really fun challenge.

A lovely woman has offered me a space with a suspension point to use for more photo shenanigans, so there will definitely be another photo day. And that makes me hella happy, because spending all day playing with rope is pretty ace.

Community vs The Personal

Here in Melbourne, we are trying to pull together a cohesive Leather community. Something that has come up and we are presently discussing is protocols - should we have community wide protocols and if so, what should they be. (Because honestly the Old Guard sort of things don't suit any of us around here.)

Opinions are flying all over the place and I find myself wondering: is the time of community-wide protocols a thing of the past?

We are trying to build a system, and that's a hard thing to do. It's even harder when you're trying to build a system that may override other people's systems that they currently have in place and do not want to part with. We are all coming to the table with our own protocols, our own ways of doing things. ANY system that we install in regards to protocol is going to step on someone's personal protocols. ANY system.

In other countries where the current system has grown out of the old system, it's a little easier. It's already there, just adjusting every so often. But there has been a hole in Melbourne in regards to Leather for some years, so any old system that existed here has fallen through the cracks, and we are left to start again.

Starting again can be a good thing. But... again, I find myself back to this question: has the moment passed? Because we have no foundation to build on, will we ever find ourselves in a position where we can build a system without ruining the personal systems of others?

As our society becomes more and more individualistic, and Leather does as well, is there even a place for community-wide protocols in our world now?

This is a vibrant and tumultuous time for the Melbourne Leather community. It will be interesting not only to watch events unfold, but to be a part of them.

Punishments

With some little rules the boy has, I don't feel like punishing every single time he breaks them would be productive. So we have a three strike system, for things like being in bed on time or starting to eat before I do.

He had his three strikes with the bed time rule recently, so he got ten strikes with the cane.

Normally I am against using play equipment for punishment within D/s relationships - after all, that stuff is the stuff we use for fun, it shouldn't be used as punishment, or it confuses everyone and can lead to breaking rules just for punishing.

But the thing is, that the boy is not a pain slut, and the boy does not like the cane already. So I don't feel that it's confusing to use the cane to punish him.

I tell you what though, it's hard to punish sometimes. Every stroke of the cane felt like I was thwacking my own heart. I am terribly soft hearted about the boy, I love him dearly and I don't like seeing him in pain or punished. Especially because he works so very hard to be the best boy he can be. So punishments for him end up being tests of my endurance as much as his.

Afterwards we had a cuddle and he sniffled that he doesn't like being punished, which REALLY DID NOT HELP MY BLEEDING HEART. But I then felt better we he continued, "made me hard though". :P

Pervnerds

In stark contrast to my recent entry, I've been shaking my head a little (in the good way!) at BDSM clubs and the BDSM scene.

You see, a lot of people think BDSM clubs are scary, intimidating places. I suppose there's good reason for that - I mean people do go there to get beaten up or to beat up others, and that's pretty intense for our lizard brains to handle, even if it is something we're interested in ourselves.

But you see... perverts are all huge nerds.

This is true. Absolute truth. Trufax.

We laugh and heckle each other's beatings with cries of "sorry, I didn't see that, could you do that again?". We do tickle torture scenes. We have people come in costumes that would be just as much at home at a geek convention (last month's Kinky best dressed prize went to a dark stormtrooper).

And, like I took part in last night, we occasionally spend an hour squealing memes at each other across the club.

Nothing quite like a bunch of perverts in a hardcore serious business BDSM club reciting lines from Charlie the Unicorn loudly.

The Burden of Leather

Last night's Melbourne Leather Dinner was very good, lots of good discussion.

There was some heavy discussion, particularly about HIV and the current soaring rates among young women, and about how my age group was not alive during the AIDS crisis and did not go through the heart wrenching days of funeral after funeral while the world just shrugged and was glad your people were dying. We talked about how the drag queens and the Leather community were the ones to look after those with HIV and AIDS, nursing them and caring for them when no one else would - about how that sort of thing was the burden of Leather. Caring for our people and looking out for them, even when it's hard, especially when it's hard, is the burden of Leather.

A lot of the discussion was about how we don't want to push that burden onto people much anymore, as we want to bring new blood into Leather and we want to show people that it's here without scaring them off.

I was thinking about many of the young people I know, myself and my friends, and my friends of friends.

We weren't there for the AIDS crisis, but a lot of us know what it did, know what it meant. A lot of us are heavily invested in our history, we research our past and we listen to those that came before us. Yes, there are certainly (probably a majority of) young people who don't give a toss about the past, and those are the ones at the most risk. But there are a lot of us who are serious about remembering the mistakes of the past, and not repeating them. There are those of us who also turn our attention to the problems of today, without losing sight of what came before.

But I guess I want to reassure you, if you're older, that there are young people who care, we exist.

There are young people who don't mind the burden.

I am quite lucky (or perhaps just discerning) in that most of my friends are actively involved in caring for one another and trying to improve the world. We do everything we can.

Some things me and my young folk have been doing over the last year or two:

* Easing homelessness where we can by setting up new sharehouses and giving folks a couch or a spare room when they have nowhere to go.
* Setting up new social groups so people feel less isolated.
* Lobbying for changes in legislation.
* Helping each other move house, often out of toxic situations.
* Gentle, loving care to victims of hate crimes.
* Slowly reconfiguring what consent means and what we can do to make consent more meaningful and cut down on sexual assault and harassment.
* Choosing careers in nursing and aged care so that we can look after our own when no one else wants to.
* Choosing careers in law and medicine so that there are people with power who are sympathetic to our needs.
* Organized fundraisers for a variety of causes, all causes that no "respectable" organization wants to touch.

These are a small example of the things young people today are doing. All of these examples are coming from people I know, not just people I've heard about.

I know that the majority of young people aren't like this. Sure.

But I just want to promise you that there are young people who are willing, able, prepared to, and are already carrying the burden.

I just want to promise and reassure you that I, as a young person, am willing, able, prepared to, and am already carrying the burden. I have no plans to stop any time soon, and I doubt those I know do either. One day I won't be a young person anymore, but I'll still be happy to carry the burden.

We are your next generation, and we know that. There are those of us who are willing to not only live up to what you've left before us, but we will strive to improve the world even further.

MAsT and Communities and Events

MAsT is coming to Melbourne! I am so dreadfully excited. I've often read about MAsT on Fetlife and was rather sad there wasn't a Melbourne chapter. Fortunately, Master Joe and kim will be setting up one here, after coming back from their trip to the USA and chatting with the MAsT people.

I'm really pleased about this news. There's some discussion on Fetlife about whether this is something that Melbourne needs... really now, I don't think needs are what we should always look at when it comes to communities. We should look at wants. We should look at "what can we do to make it better"s. And I think that MAsT will be an asset to our community.

There seems to be a scarcity model of thinking by a lot of kinksters in Melbourne - we can't have too many events, or no one will go to any. We can't have too many groups, because there will be too much cross pollination. But I think that's ridiculous. I'm very much an abundance-model thinker, and I think that if you build it, they will come. So what if there's some overlap of memberships? That doesn't stop different groups performing their different duties, just with the same people.

We now have a club event on every weekend of every month in Melbourne. The scene is not dying. It is thriving. The only way I can think to make it better at this point is that if more clubs start up, they should have a focus - ie, women only events, young people's events, rubber events, etc.

Who knows, maybe I'll even start up that transgender/genderqueer/intersex BDSM night again.