Names are pretty powerful things. They're secular magic, as my boy likes to say.
There's always been a running joke that the house I live in is called "Erinland". It's been that way through a couple of houses now for a few years. It's interesting to me because I never named it, even though it's named after me - other people named it and to other people it has a certain quality about it. "Erinland", in the eyes of my friends, means a place where you can be free to be a little bit freaky and experience fun and joyous things that you might not be able to elsewhere. That? That makes me very happy. That I can offer that space is amazing in itself, but that it's been named after me is actually kind of an honour, even if I do groan about it at times because, let's face it, it does sound a bit silly.
Recently, my little group (myself, boy, pet) have been referred to as "Erin's family" or "Erinkyan's family". This probably shouldn't bother me, but it kind of does.
I've written before about my inner drive to build a family. So what is happening now is both incredible and stressful. On one hand, I am finding myself forming a family as easily as star dust forms planets. Slowly, but organically. But on the other hand, that makes me acutely aware of the things I'd rather not be organic.
I'm not sure how I feel about my name being the modifier that marks someone as my family, but at the same time it's very natural that it's happening that way. If you know a vanilla family you probably call their house the Smith House or what have you. It's incredibly normal.
But it feels... off. Not bad as such. Just... not quite right.
But the fact is that if I'm going to change it then I need to do it soon and I need to figure out some things.
Not just what name to unite us under, but also what that name involves. What it means. Who gets to wear it.
I have a lot to think about. I've been thinking about this stuff for years and years already, but we are now exiting theory-land and entering reality. Which actually, now that I think about it, means I have less to think about and more acting to do.