Little Update

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?

I've been puttering along.  We had a big blood-family xmas here, then there was a death in boy's family so we had to travel for that, and there's been lots of smaller stresses popping up day to day.  The last couple of months has been a bit busy.

I don't really have much to report, life has just been going on.  I'm still mourning the loss of serina, though it's now low levels of mourning just in the back of my mind which is a good improvement.

Things have been quiet for us on the BDSM and D/s front.  We've been "falling into vanilla land" a bit, to quote a friend of mine, but at the moment it feels okay for that.

Hopefully I will have something interesting to post about sometime soon - the good kind of interesting, though, do you hear me universe?

Nothing sexy to report.

My health has continued its downswing and everything is boring at the moment.  So no matter how hard I want to write a blog post, I can neither think of anything to say nor can I just talk about life because the only interesting thing that's happened recently that isn't terrible is that we got a kitten.

(We called him Tribble.)

Moving House

Well embarrassingly enough for me, no one asked any questions in March.  Fortunately for me, this means I have more time to put towards packing.

Yes, we're moving house.  To a much larger and much cheaper house.

Where finally I will be able to have a dungeon.  :D

See you after the move, blog!

Happy Birthday to Me!

It's my 27th birthday!

I've been a bit lax with blogging lately because, as is ironically usual - the more I have to blog about, the less time and energy I have to blog.

Things are going well for me, and for my family.

Recently my, boy and pet have started finally beginning getting comfortable together as a unit.  Pet's been with us about six months now and thus we are finally settling into our dynamic with a little more comfort.

It's been very relieving for me.  For so many years knowing that where I wanted to go in life was to build a Leather family, to having it slowly begin to happen, and having it feel exactly right.

Everything is going well.  Life is good.  Life will continue to get better.

A moment in time worth recording.

It's 5:22am, and pet has fallen asleep on the floor, hugging my leg.

Identity Crisis!

... well, not really ;)

I haven't done many rope suspensions in the last few months because I've been ill, or I've had other things to play with, and it seems people are starting to forget that suspension is my Thing(tm).

Anyway I miss rope a lot, and playing with it a little last night at Chains reminded me that it's my Thing(tm) for a reason.

Need to do more of it.  I feel at my best when I'm doing rope.

Now I just need to find more bunnies to do rope on.

This has been a boring short entry.  :)

Love My Community, Need My Community

Tonight my and mine (boy & serina) went to the Melbourne Leather Dinner, a casual get together sort of event at a pub for Leather folk. I usually go every month but I have missed a couple of months due to sickness.

God, I missed it so much.

I didn't even notice until we walked in, and I was greeted by my friends and we hugged and we talked and I just felt so... good. At home. Peaceful. Happy.

Even just being in that space is so essential for me. I need it. I crave it.

My community, I love my community. It makes me feel fulfilled and happy and peaceful. I love the Leather community, I love it like family. It is my family. It's my home.

Hmm!

Now that I have a day to myself, some things are starting to sink in.

Which is good, because I am frequently a worry wart and I have been thinking so hard about making sure serina and I do this thing we're doing right and slowly and I have to be careful and think of my responsibility and be a responsible careful adult and blah blah blah.

But I also just had a moment, just now, where I felt the stuff I get out of it too. I felt the little shudder of a power trip stirring in the back of my mind.

And that's good. Because at the end of the day, that power trip is one of the major draws of being a dominant. :)

Life

Sorry for the neglect, blog. I've been really sick this last month, and there's been other stressors like moving my father into a nursing home (which seems to have gone smoothly, which is good). BDSM and Leather haven't been forefront in my mind recently - not that I haven't been thinking about them, because goodness knows I always do, but I've just had other things that require more focus, and Leather has been something in the back of my mind rather than the front.

I do have some things to blog about, which hopefully I'll get to soon. But mostly I just wanted to say hi, and life is mad right now, and we'll return you to your regularly scheduled program as soon as possible.

Busy busy busy

Oh boy blog, where to even start.

There's a lot going on with me. Stuff is very complex and I'm very busy at the moment, and unfortunately my disability has decided to be a pain in the ass at the same time.

I'm behind in emails something shocking, I'm stressed and busy and blaahhh.

I want to update you on something but I'm honestly not sure what to write about. At the moment a lot of my mental energy is dealing with my vanilla family (specifically my father and his dementia) and when I do have moments to spare to think about kink and sex I just find myself a little overwhelmed with desire but completely lacking energy. It's a rough place to be in.

The rehearsal for the high protocol dinner is this sunday, so that will be interesting to go along to. And hopefully it will ease many of my nerves about the whole affair.

I've got pretty high expectations of my boy for this dinner. I don't normally have high expectations (in fact I'm often rather lenient) so it will be interesting to see how he responds to the added pressure.

Quick sexual/lifestyle frustration stream of consciousness post...

I adore my boy and everything he is and everything we have. Our dynamic is very much about support and service and thriving without struggle.

But sometimes… okay, lots of the time… I crave owning someone who has a desire to be pushed, phyiscally. Someone for whom physicality is a huge part of D/s. Someone who would enjoy things like hard bondage, long term bondage, uncomfortable bondage… things like not being allowed on furniture and sleeping full time in a cage (and someone for whom that was a real option, because as much as the boy wouldn’t mind that, it would conflict with his health and his job)… someone who would enjoy being pushed, enjoy the struggle, enjoy battling their inner selves out on the physical plane.

One day, I’m sure I’ll find them…

Stuff and Things

There's a lot of heavy, heavy things going on with my blood family at the moment and I'm a bit (lol understatement) stressed out.

I don't really know why I'm writing this here, I suppose it's a heads up in case my updating continues to be a bit odd over the coming weeks.

I'm hoping to combat my stress with more play and fun than usual though so hopefully I'll have a lot to write about, even if it won't be very deep. :)

Oh, the last few weeks.

Where to even begin.

The unfortunate thing is that I'm unable to go into too many details.

The short version:

* Boy, of course, with his broken arm.
* Boy had some other health issues and we've been spending a lot of time at the doctor (he is doing fine at the moment).
* A dear friend is going through a rough patch and has moved in with us for a little while.

And there's probably more that I've forgotten. Hence the radio silence, you see!

The unfortunate side effect is that I've been missing the scene terribly. Boy and I still have our daily rituals but even some of those fell aside while he has been sick.

It's been... rough.

At any rate I am starting to turn back into a human, I am off to a fetish event tomorrow to get back into the swing of things. Boy and I have been talking a lot and things are moving. Huzzuh! And thus, this blog will not continue to be so empty :)

A lot's been going on.

Life's been getting in the way of me posting here. Sadly not all of it is good either.

I don't particularly feel like sharing much, but suffice to say I haven't had a lot of spare time and I'm worn out. I will blog again soon, hopefully. I do have a lot to talk about. <3

I haven't forgotten you, blog!

Boy broke his arm, and I've been run off my feet looking after him for the last couple of weeks. Hence the radio silence.

Yesterday I ran a rope workshop for beginners, it was okay. I'm out of practise at teaching, so it'll take a bit before I get back into the swing of it, I think. Folks who came seemed to enjoy themselves, though - I've gotten some lovely feedback.

I'm still absolutely knackered, so I'll just leave it there for now - hopefully I'll have some time tomorrow to write a proper entry.

Busy busy busy

It's been a busy week or so! I've barely had time to think let alone blog, and boy do I have a lot of thoughts that I'll slowly let trickle out of my brain in the coming weeks.

Stuff that's happened in the last week or so:

* Two play parties, Chains Feat. Newbie Night and Provocation.

* The 1st Melbourne Fetish Awards.

* Melbourne Leather Dinner.

* First meeting of a local alternative pornography production team.

* Big Talks with the boy.

and probably more.

So I have a lot going on, but I've been faaarrrrr too fucked to write about it. But I'll start doing that soon. :)

In the meantime, my 100th post is coming up soon and I feel like I should do something special, but I have no idea what. If you have a suggestion, I'd love to hear it.

Bad Puppy

Something I've discovered in the last few days...

You know that "ahhh!" Bad Dog noise you make when you catch your dog doing something naughty? Then the dog gets that guilty expression and seems to shrink in size?

Mine works on people. :)

A quick note

Dear the person who found my blog by googling "i didnt know i was intersex". You are welcome to drop me an email at not.in.denial@gmail.com if you need someone to talk to. :)

Huge week/weekend

Busy time for me, these coming days!

I'm going to be doing demonstrations at Sexpo on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Sunday I'm also going to Hooked Up and helping with what is going to be a really amazing pull/suspension.

I'm sure I'll have things to report once it's all over, assuming I'm not dead from exhaustion :)

Interesting

Just sent an email off to Princess, and for the first time I signed off as "Daddy" instead of writing my name.

I don't know (or really mind) if it means anything, and I don't know what in my head changed to make the switch, but I thought it was interesting.