Today I was flipping through my google documents when I found a stash of writings I had forgotten about. They're a few years old now - maybe four or five years old? But as I read them I found myself quite moved, both emotionally and sexually.
The documents are mostly my thoughts on rituals and structures I would have liked to one day employ as the head of a Leather family and household. To my surprise, as much as there are certainly some silly parts of them, for the most part I found them still quite good.
I also found them very exciting.
There's a lot of wank around the various kink and Leather scenes about how much ritual is "too much" ritual. From what I can gather it depends on the people involved, and that's all that matters. If having a 100 page contract and a 500 page house manual works for you? Then by all means, go for it, in my humble opinion.
I'm... not into that much ritual, honestly. I'm forgetful and a little bit lazier than I'd like, so the idea of having to remember that much information makes me feel a little dizzy.
But I do love some structure and ritual. Yes I do.
Anyway, some of these writings I found? I still want to do some of the stuff in them. And I got thinking about that, and how much of it is somewhat silly.
But you know what? I don't care.
Silly or not, these formal, ritualistic ideas get me hard. They make me excited, in mind, body and spirit.
And let's be honest here - Leather is a lot of things, it's a way of life. But it's also something we do because it's hot. We do this to get hard anyway. Why not enjoy the silly stuff if it's enjoyable? Who cares if it's silly, if it's fun? What's the point of it all if I can't sample some of that sweet, silly, stuffy protocol and formality if that's what tickles me?
To that end, I think I'm going to use some of these ideas I found from the mind of my younger self. Because I like them. Because I do this for fun anyway, and sometimes that's worth remembering.
Showing posts with label traditions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label traditions. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
On Earning Leather
I had the realization recently, as I discussed things with my boy over dinner one night, that I'm not sure I will ever buy myself more leather.
Of the leather I own, I own boots and I own a vest. That is all. I do not even own a belt, because I wear rope as a belt - because rope is precious to me and I like to have it on hand at all times. I wear the rope knotted on my left side, so it also functions as a flag.
My vest is incredibly important to me. I wrote about my vest when I bought it.
My vest is a promise, to myself, that I will always strive to be better. My vest is my way of constantly checking that I am on the path I want to be on.
Every time I pull on my vest, I ask myself: am I working towards being the person I want to be? Am I working to be compassionate, generous, kind? Am I working to be thoughtful, courageous, a man of integrity?
If the answer is yes, I wear my vest with pride.
If the answer is no, I take my vest off and it stays off until the answer is yes.
So my vest has incredible meaning for me.
The discussion of chaps came up, and boy expressed a desire to see me in a pair of chaps - and I admitted, somewhat surprised at myself, that I don't think I will be buying myself any more leather.
Earning leather is a tricky thing. On one hand, I think it's a beautiful and incredibly meaningful tradition among Leather people. On the other hand, I can think of many reasons why someone may prefer to buy their own leather rather than earning it - hell, as I said, I bought my own vest, and that doesn't leave it with any less meaning. And of course there will be plenty of Leather people who don't feel their leather needs to have a purpose at all, and buy it just for the look, the smell, the sex appeal.
But for me?
For me, I don't think I'd be comfortable buying any more leather. Perhaps it's a product of my years as a martial artist - but I don't seek to raise my own level, as it were. To me that feels empty.
And for me, I do not have a mentor. Nor do I really have a Leather family - I have my boy and at present it's just the two of us. So there is no one to grant me leather, as it were. Perhaps one day I will be enough a part of the community that it could come from there, but I am not certain that will ever eventuate.
These two facts combine, and it leads to this: I doubt I will ever own any further leather than I already own.
What surprised me is that I'm actually 100% comfortable with this.
I have no desire to be some kind of God of Leather. If I have the respect of my boy and my peers, that is enough for me. If I feel safe and comfortable in the leather I own, that is enough for me.
My journey as a Leather Sir does not rely on me 'levelling up'. It relies on me simply being true to myself.
Of the leather I own, I own boots and I own a vest. That is all. I do not even own a belt, because I wear rope as a belt - because rope is precious to me and I like to have it on hand at all times. I wear the rope knotted on my left side, so it also functions as a flag.
My vest is incredibly important to me. I wrote about my vest when I bought it.
My vest is a promise, to myself, that I will always strive to be better. My vest is my way of constantly checking that I am on the path I want to be on.
Every time I pull on my vest, I ask myself: am I working towards being the person I want to be? Am I working to be compassionate, generous, kind? Am I working to be thoughtful, courageous, a man of integrity?
If the answer is yes, I wear my vest with pride.
If the answer is no, I take my vest off and it stays off until the answer is yes.
So my vest has incredible meaning for me.
The discussion of chaps came up, and boy expressed a desire to see me in a pair of chaps - and I admitted, somewhat surprised at myself, that I don't think I will be buying myself any more leather.
Earning leather is a tricky thing. On one hand, I think it's a beautiful and incredibly meaningful tradition among Leather people. On the other hand, I can think of many reasons why someone may prefer to buy their own leather rather than earning it - hell, as I said, I bought my own vest, and that doesn't leave it with any less meaning. And of course there will be plenty of Leather people who don't feel their leather needs to have a purpose at all, and buy it just for the look, the smell, the sex appeal.
But for me?
For me, I don't think I'd be comfortable buying any more leather. Perhaps it's a product of my years as a martial artist - but I don't seek to raise my own level, as it were. To me that feels empty.
And for me, I do not have a mentor. Nor do I really have a Leather family - I have my boy and at present it's just the two of us. So there is no one to grant me leather, as it were. Perhaps one day I will be enough a part of the community that it could come from there, but I am not certain that will ever eventuate.
These two facts combine, and it leads to this: I doubt I will ever own any further leather than I already own.
What surprised me is that I'm actually 100% comfortable with this.
I have no desire to be some kind of God of Leather. If I have the respect of my boy and my peers, that is enough for me. If I feel safe and comfortable in the leather I own, that is enough for me.
My journey as a Leather Sir does not rely on me 'levelling up'. It relies on me simply being true to myself.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Larry Townsend's "Leatherman's Handbook"
Hi blog! I haven't forgotten you. As I've mentioned in many previous entries, life's just been crazy. Anyway, here I am.
While I do have a lot I could talk about, it's all pretty much not-quite-formed in my head and there's a lot going on, so I thought I'd talk about my birthday, or more specifically, a birthday gift I received.
I received a copy of "Leatherman's Handbook" by Larry Townsend, the silver jubilee edition. Having now read through it like a starving person let loose on a buffet, I thought I'd blog a few of my thoughts.
The first thing I feel people should know about this book is that it isn't really a 'how to' book. I'm sure it was, back in the day, but if you're looking for instructions, this isn't the book to go to.
What this book is, is a beautiful snapshot of history and culture, wrapped up in memories that will get your cock hard.
I didn't really know what to expect from this book, I must admit. I knew that it was one of the first books of its kind and I knew that it was originally published in the early 70s, when things were very different both in Leather and for queers. Other than that, I didn't really know much about it, and I'm kind of glad of that because it means I had no expectations to either be met or let down.
It's such a rich book, with so much atmosphere. It makes me feel like a time traveller, catching glimmers of my past and my cultural history through the words on the page.
I didn't expect so much of the book to be true erotic stories of people's encounters, but I can't say that it was an unpleasant surprise. In a sense I feel like maybe it's better than a 'how to' book on that matter, because it shows you what a scene should feel like, shows you what can be accomplished in a Leather session, without getting bogged down in the details of how the mechanics should work.
What's really interesting in the book is reading the notes that the author has put in, 25 years later, about what's changed in comparison to what he had originally written. Some of these notes give a sense of scale to the book that it might not otherwise have.
While I did find some of the author's attitudes, especially towards women, queens, and nelly fags, a little bit offputting, I can chalk it up to a different culture and move on without it impacting my enjoyment of the book too much.
It's hard to write a review of this book, because it's such a personal book, if that makes sense. People will get out of it what they put into it. It's certainly, if nothing else, an incredibly important historical text for people like us. If you're a bit of a nerd like me, then it's an absolute must buy for your library. If you like hot Leather man porn, you could do a lot worse than having this on your bookshelf. If you're looking for a dry instruction manual on Leather culture and practises, however, this isn't it, and you should keep looking - perhaps consider the Leatherboy Handbook instead, which I'll write about sometime soon and you can compare.
An important piece of history that I get to keep close to me. I'm really, very glad I own this book.
While I do have a lot I could talk about, it's all pretty much not-quite-formed in my head and there's a lot going on, so I thought I'd talk about my birthday, or more specifically, a birthday gift I received.
I received a copy of "Leatherman's Handbook" by Larry Townsend, the silver jubilee edition. Having now read through it like a starving person let loose on a buffet, I thought I'd blog a few of my thoughts.
The first thing I feel people should know about this book is that it isn't really a 'how to' book. I'm sure it was, back in the day, but if you're looking for instructions, this isn't the book to go to.
What this book is, is a beautiful snapshot of history and culture, wrapped up in memories that will get your cock hard.
I didn't really know what to expect from this book, I must admit. I knew that it was one of the first books of its kind and I knew that it was originally published in the early 70s, when things were very different both in Leather and for queers. Other than that, I didn't really know much about it, and I'm kind of glad of that because it means I had no expectations to either be met or let down.
It's such a rich book, with so much atmosphere. It makes me feel like a time traveller, catching glimmers of my past and my cultural history through the words on the page.
I didn't expect so much of the book to be true erotic stories of people's encounters, but I can't say that it was an unpleasant surprise. In a sense I feel like maybe it's better than a 'how to' book on that matter, because it shows you what a scene should feel like, shows you what can be accomplished in a Leather session, without getting bogged down in the details of how the mechanics should work.
What's really interesting in the book is reading the notes that the author has put in, 25 years later, about what's changed in comparison to what he had originally written. Some of these notes give a sense of scale to the book that it might not otherwise have.
While I did find some of the author's attitudes, especially towards women, queens, and nelly fags, a little bit offputting, I can chalk it up to a different culture and move on without it impacting my enjoyment of the book too much.
It's hard to write a review of this book, because it's such a personal book, if that makes sense. People will get out of it what they put into it. It's certainly, if nothing else, an incredibly important historical text for people like us. If you're a bit of a nerd like me, then it's an absolute must buy for your library. If you like hot Leather man porn, you could do a lot worse than having this on your bookshelf. If you're looking for a dry instruction manual on Leather culture and practises, however, this isn't it, and you should keep looking - perhaps consider the Leatherboy Handbook instead, which I'll write about sometime soon and you can compare.
An important piece of history that I get to keep close to me. I'm really, very glad I own this book.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
High Protocol Leather Dinner
So the HP dinner happened a couple of days ago now, and only just now am I able to begin blogging about it, as I've been quite literally on my back doped up with painkillers since I got home from it. Apparently spending nearly 12 hours in "on" mode isn't so good for people with chronic illnesses, who knew? :P
I volunteered to help in the kitchen so I arrived in the morning. I spent the next four hours peeling and chopping vegetables which I imagine sounds very boring but honestly it was the best job I could have had. I got to be helpful and free up time for others to do more important activities without straining myself in any way. I enjoy chopping and peeling vegetables, as I find it very meditative, so I don't even feel like I was working that hard. It was a pleasure to be useful before the actual dinner, and it helped calm my nerves about it all - after all, I was helping, I was present, and I was focussed. What was there to be nervous about in such a state?
My boy came with me and did general dogsbody work through the day and evening - he helped out wherever he was required. Duties that he was involved in that day were so many - helping with the spit, helping with the potatoes, valet duties, drinks service, and probably more things behind the scenes that I did not see.
I had put the pressure on my boy a little before this event - I wanted him to make me proud. And that he did. By being flexible and ready to help wherever he was needed in whatever way was needed, he made himself available for service in a way that truly, truly did me proud. I am so honoured to be Daddy to such a dedicated and caring boy, who will put his hand up for whatever is needed.
At three, which was when the dominants were to be arriving (though many arrived early), I went and got dressed. Last year my boy organized for all my friends to put money in to get me a specially tailored suit, and we finally picked it up this past week. I combined that with the tailored shirt that I got with it, and my leather vest. I must have looked fabulous, everyone complimented me - though I wonder what it says about me that people sounded so surprised that I looked so good ;)
It was the perfect debut for my suit; as many of the people involved with the dinner had put in money for it, and it was such a special occasion for me. I felt proud and humbled at the same time by it all.
I went out the back so I could enter through the front door - my theory was that all the other dominants got to come through the front door, so I wanted to as well :) In the living room we dominants gathered and chatted and it was lovely. Drinks and nibbles were served by two wonderful submissives.
I was very quiet - not just at this point but through the whole night. It wasn't shyness for once; it was that I was genuinely enjoying just listening. People had wonderful stories and thoughts to share, and as I said at one point - I enjoy hearing about people's lives. I am only 25 and haven't had a life yet. :) It was then commented, "but look at how you're starting!", and I have to agree. To be present at such an event was glorious, and especially wonderful for me as the youngest person at the table.
When the time came, we were introduced to our servers for the evening - two servers to three dominants. I was served by the wonderful Taya and Ben, who were both charming and I felt very cared for by them.
We were then seated at the table and it felt like the night truly began. We talked and joked and shared stories and it was wonderful. The food was amazing, cooked by the wonderful Ms Lyn, and it was just sensational. The service was beautiful, despite the visible nerves all the submissives worked cleanly and quickly and I was never left wanting for anything. Maid Michelle made sure our drinks continued to flow with dedication.
As our meal finished, all the submissives gathered in the dining room and a cake was brought out and placed in front of Bella.
I don't know how comfortable people involved would be for me to describe what came next in detail, so I will refrain. However, I still want to express my feelings.
To watch Bella receive her Master's cover from such a respected and experienced person, surrounded by her Leather family and community, was such an honour, I can't even express it properly with only words. I teared up as I watched, rapt with joy. As I hugged her after I managed to choke out some words - "Thank you, for being you. I look up to you so much."
It's so true and so much bigger than those words could convey - but choked up with emotion it's often hard to get across meaning like that. Bella is such a role model for me, she is so kind, gentle and extremely skilled, and her dedication to Leather, service and kindness is beyond amazing. Should I be half the person she is as I grow, I will be a great person.
To share in such an event with her was such an honour, such a pleasure. To be present was, as its word implies, a gift.
After the ceremony we all shared in the cake and some more concrete gifts - as the dinner was "Christmas in July" themed, we had a kris kringle. Just to truly top off the night for me, my kris kringle gift was a beautiful clear paddle made by maid Michelle. This was such good luck for me for so many reasons - I have been wanting a paddle for some time, but unable to afford one. I also admire Michelle's work so much, but again, cash is rather tight at the moment, so being able to own a piece of Michelle's work makes me incredibly happy.
Not long after the kris kringle, sadly I had to leave as my body was starting to hurt in a very bad way and the tiredness that I'd been keeping at bay for a few hours crept up on me all at once. Boy drove me home and from there we went straight to bed, where I stayed until this morning, essentially.
I have so many feelings about the high protocol dinner - it was so wonderful, such a bright spot in my life, and something I already know I will look back on as I grow and always smile about.
One particular pleasure for me was being the youngest person at the table - by at least ten years, I believe. It was such an honour to be in the company of my elders and to listen to their thoughts and stories. Thank you all for being so amazing and being so kind.
The kindness of Leather folk is perhaps my favourite thing about them. I believe in kindness; I believe that it's a powerful thing and it's something I strive to be as much as I can (without hurting myself of course). Kindness is what bridges gaps between us all, regardless of age, gender, race, orientation, or anything else. The kindness that filled the gaps between us all at the dinner was palpable and beautiful.
Thank you to all those at the table, for your kindness and conversation and joy.
Thank you to all those who served, for your kindness and dedication and care.
(And thank you to the pup who sat in the corner, giving us all warmth and laughter... such a contribution can't be denied either, and was certainly a wonderful addition to the dinner.)
Thank you to the host, for your kindness and generosity.
Thank you to Bella, for everything you have done for the community and everything you are, and for letting us all be a part of such a special moment for you.
Thank you, Leather community, for allowing me such an experience so early in my life, one that I will treasure for the rest of it.
I volunteered to help in the kitchen so I arrived in the morning. I spent the next four hours peeling and chopping vegetables which I imagine sounds very boring but honestly it was the best job I could have had. I got to be helpful and free up time for others to do more important activities without straining myself in any way. I enjoy chopping and peeling vegetables, as I find it very meditative, so I don't even feel like I was working that hard. It was a pleasure to be useful before the actual dinner, and it helped calm my nerves about it all - after all, I was helping, I was present, and I was focussed. What was there to be nervous about in such a state?
My boy came with me and did general dogsbody work through the day and evening - he helped out wherever he was required. Duties that he was involved in that day were so many - helping with the spit, helping with the potatoes, valet duties, drinks service, and probably more things behind the scenes that I did not see.
I had put the pressure on my boy a little before this event - I wanted him to make me proud. And that he did. By being flexible and ready to help wherever he was needed in whatever way was needed, he made himself available for service in a way that truly, truly did me proud. I am so honoured to be Daddy to such a dedicated and caring boy, who will put his hand up for whatever is needed.
At three, which was when the dominants were to be arriving (though many arrived early), I went and got dressed. Last year my boy organized for all my friends to put money in to get me a specially tailored suit, and we finally picked it up this past week. I combined that with the tailored shirt that I got with it, and my leather vest. I must have looked fabulous, everyone complimented me - though I wonder what it says about me that people sounded so surprised that I looked so good ;)
It was the perfect debut for my suit; as many of the people involved with the dinner had put in money for it, and it was such a special occasion for me. I felt proud and humbled at the same time by it all.
I went out the back so I could enter through the front door - my theory was that all the other dominants got to come through the front door, so I wanted to as well :) In the living room we dominants gathered and chatted and it was lovely. Drinks and nibbles were served by two wonderful submissives.
I was very quiet - not just at this point but through the whole night. It wasn't shyness for once; it was that I was genuinely enjoying just listening. People had wonderful stories and thoughts to share, and as I said at one point - I enjoy hearing about people's lives. I am only 25 and haven't had a life yet. :) It was then commented, "but look at how you're starting!", and I have to agree. To be present at such an event was glorious, and especially wonderful for me as the youngest person at the table.
When the time came, we were introduced to our servers for the evening - two servers to three dominants. I was served by the wonderful Taya and Ben, who were both charming and I felt very cared for by them.
We were then seated at the table and it felt like the night truly began. We talked and joked and shared stories and it was wonderful. The food was amazing, cooked by the wonderful Ms Lyn, and it was just sensational. The service was beautiful, despite the visible nerves all the submissives worked cleanly and quickly and I was never left wanting for anything. Maid Michelle made sure our drinks continued to flow with dedication.
As our meal finished, all the submissives gathered in the dining room and a cake was brought out and placed in front of Bella.
I don't know how comfortable people involved would be for me to describe what came next in detail, so I will refrain. However, I still want to express my feelings.
To watch Bella receive her Master's cover from such a respected and experienced person, surrounded by her Leather family and community, was such an honour, I can't even express it properly with only words. I teared up as I watched, rapt with joy. As I hugged her after I managed to choke out some words - "Thank you, for being you. I look up to you so much."
It's so true and so much bigger than those words could convey - but choked up with emotion it's often hard to get across meaning like that. Bella is such a role model for me, she is so kind, gentle and extremely skilled, and her dedication to Leather, service and kindness is beyond amazing. Should I be half the person she is as I grow, I will be a great person.
To share in such an event with her was such an honour, such a pleasure. To be present was, as its word implies, a gift.
After the ceremony we all shared in the cake and some more concrete gifts - as the dinner was "Christmas in July" themed, we had a kris kringle. Just to truly top off the night for me, my kris kringle gift was a beautiful clear paddle made by maid Michelle. This was such good luck for me for so many reasons - I have been wanting a paddle for some time, but unable to afford one. I also admire Michelle's work so much, but again, cash is rather tight at the moment, so being able to own a piece of Michelle's work makes me incredibly happy.
Not long after the kris kringle, sadly I had to leave as my body was starting to hurt in a very bad way and the tiredness that I'd been keeping at bay for a few hours crept up on me all at once. Boy drove me home and from there we went straight to bed, where I stayed until this morning, essentially.
I have so many feelings about the high protocol dinner - it was so wonderful, such a bright spot in my life, and something I already know I will look back on as I grow and always smile about.
One particular pleasure for me was being the youngest person at the table - by at least ten years, I believe. It was such an honour to be in the company of my elders and to listen to their thoughts and stories. Thank you all for being so amazing and being so kind.
The kindness of Leather folk is perhaps my favourite thing about them. I believe in kindness; I believe that it's a powerful thing and it's something I strive to be as much as I can (without hurting myself of course). Kindness is what bridges gaps between us all, regardless of age, gender, race, orientation, or anything else. The kindness that filled the gaps between us all at the dinner was palpable and beautiful.
Thank you to all those at the table, for your kindness and conversation and joy.
Thank you to all those who served, for your kindness and dedication and care.
(And thank you to the pup who sat in the corner, giving us all warmth and laughter... such a contribution can't be denied either, and was certainly a wonderful addition to the dinner.)
Thank you to the host, for your kindness and generosity.
Thank you to Bella, for everything you have done for the community and everything you are, and for letting us all be a part of such a special moment for you.
Thank you, Leather community, for allowing me such an experience so early in my life, one that I will treasure for the rest of it.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
High Protocol Dinner
So I'm not sure if I even actually wrote about this - a quick browse over the last few entries didn't show it, and an anonymouse's comment on my last entry also implies that I didn't - but the local Leather community is having a high protocol dinner on July 17th.
The subject came up at MLD a few months ago while we were discussing protocols and whether that was something we wanted to explore further as a community. Everyone was very excited by the idea of a high protocol event, and a dinner was an obvious choice. So we picked a date and a host volunteered and we started organizing.
So, a high protocol dinner. What it is varies on its atmosphere. The question "is it a Leather thing" came up, and well, no, not exactly. It will be in this case because it is for us. Because we're coming at it from a position of, we enjoy Leather and high protocol, and we want a place to explore that.
But high protocol dinners are fairly common in the BDSM world, and in the vanilla world too. In the vanilla world they're for rich business men and special occasions like anniversaries, but sometimes your average person takes part too because they're fun.
In the BDSM world - and in the Leather world - it's a bit different. You're not hiring caterers and waiters, for example. That's what submissives are for. :) And there is a more... richly sexual tinge to the atmosphere. Not necessarily sexual as in, people fuck - in fact they usually don't - but sexual as in everyone is raw beneath their manners and aroused by the formality of it all.
So for our Leather dinner, we'll have 12 dominants seated at the dining table. We'll have many submissives running about behind the scenes - in the kitchen, in the parking lot (boy is going to be a valet for the first part of the evening), things like that.
The point is for us to enjoy our dominant or submissive positions as a sort of roleplay for several hours. The submissives will be serving, and the dominants will be served.
High protocol means just that - it's a very strict code of behaviour for the evening, where everyone (including dominants) have certain rules they have to obey, certain expectations about their appearance, and certain ways they have to behave.
We've all been given a manual to read up on before the day, it's around 20 pages long and includes slave positions, serving instructions, and rituals for the day.
One of the interesting things about this dinner in particular is that pre-existing couples will be split for the event. It's an opportunity to (as subs) show our excellence in service and (as doms) to receive service gratefully from someone different, who we cannot take for granted.
Another thing about this dinner is that there will be a Leather ceremony performed directly after dinner. I will write more about that after it has happened, because I'm enjoying my own private little joys about it until then. :)
So - a formal dinner, where the submissives serve the dominants and everyone is expected to be on their best behaviour, with many rituals in place. That's what this dinner is. A place for us to indulge in a bit of a fantasy for a while. :)
Personally I'm very nervous about the dinner; I come from a lower class background and still am not well acquainted with even the middle classes, let alone the upper classes, so a lot of the manners expected of me will be things I have little practise in. But I will do my best, and I'm sure it will be an excellent experience.
I'm sure I'll ramble more about the dinner sometime soon - probably after the rehearsal on Sunday.
I hope that's clear - I'm a bit muddle headed at the moment!
The subject came up at MLD a few months ago while we were discussing protocols and whether that was something we wanted to explore further as a community. Everyone was very excited by the idea of a high protocol event, and a dinner was an obvious choice. So we picked a date and a host volunteered and we started organizing.
So, a high protocol dinner. What it is varies on its atmosphere. The question "is it a Leather thing" came up, and well, no, not exactly. It will be in this case because it is for us. Because we're coming at it from a position of, we enjoy Leather and high protocol, and we want a place to explore that.
But high protocol dinners are fairly common in the BDSM world, and in the vanilla world too. In the vanilla world they're for rich business men and special occasions like anniversaries, but sometimes your average person takes part too because they're fun.
In the BDSM world - and in the Leather world - it's a bit different. You're not hiring caterers and waiters, for example. That's what submissives are for. :) And there is a more... richly sexual tinge to the atmosphere. Not necessarily sexual as in, people fuck - in fact they usually don't - but sexual as in everyone is raw beneath their manners and aroused by the formality of it all.
So for our Leather dinner, we'll have 12 dominants seated at the dining table. We'll have many submissives running about behind the scenes - in the kitchen, in the parking lot (boy is going to be a valet for the first part of the evening), things like that.
The point is for us to enjoy our dominant or submissive positions as a sort of roleplay for several hours. The submissives will be serving, and the dominants will be served.
High protocol means just that - it's a very strict code of behaviour for the evening, where everyone (including dominants) have certain rules they have to obey, certain expectations about their appearance, and certain ways they have to behave.
We've all been given a manual to read up on before the day, it's around 20 pages long and includes slave positions, serving instructions, and rituals for the day.
One of the interesting things about this dinner in particular is that pre-existing couples will be split for the event. It's an opportunity to (as subs) show our excellence in service and (as doms) to receive service gratefully from someone different, who we cannot take for granted.
Another thing about this dinner is that there will be a Leather ceremony performed directly after dinner. I will write more about that after it has happened, because I'm enjoying my own private little joys about it until then. :)
So - a formal dinner, where the submissives serve the dominants and everyone is expected to be on their best behaviour, with many rituals in place. That's what this dinner is. A place for us to indulge in a bit of a fantasy for a while. :)
Personally I'm very nervous about the dinner; I come from a lower class background and still am not well acquainted with even the middle classes, let alone the upper classes, so a lot of the manners expected of me will be things I have little practise in. But I will do my best, and I'm sure it will be an excellent experience.
I'm sure I'll ramble more about the dinner sometime soon - probably after the rehearsal on Sunday.
I hope that's clear - I'm a bit muddle headed at the moment!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Community vs The Personal
Here in Melbourne, we are trying to pull together a cohesive Leather community. Something that has come up and we are presently discussing is protocols - should we have community wide protocols and if so, what should they be. (Because honestly the Old Guard sort of things don't suit any of us around here.)
Opinions are flying all over the place and I find myself wondering: is the time of community-wide protocols a thing of the past?
We are trying to build a system, and that's a hard thing to do. It's even harder when you're trying to build a system that may override other people's systems that they currently have in place and do not want to part with. We are all coming to the table with our own protocols, our own ways of doing things. ANY system that we install in regards to protocol is going to step on someone's personal protocols. ANY system.
In other countries where the current system has grown out of the old system, it's a little easier. It's already there, just adjusting every so often. But there has been a hole in Melbourne in regards to Leather for some years, so any old system that existed here has fallen through the cracks, and we are left to start again.
Starting again can be a good thing. But... again, I find myself back to this question: has the moment passed? Because we have no foundation to build on, will we ever find ourselves in a position where we can build a system without ruining the personal systems of others?
As our society becomes more and more individualistic, and Leather does as well, is there even a place for community-wide protocols in our world now?
This is a vibrant and tumultuous time for the Melbourne Leather community. It will be interesting not only to watch events unfold, but to be a part of them.
Opinions are flying all over the place and I find myself wondering: is the time of community-wide protocols a thing of the past?
We are trying to build a system, and that's a hard thing to do. It's even harder when you're trying to build a system that may override other people's systems that they currently have in place and do not want to part with. We are all coming to the table with our own protocols, our own ways of doing things. ANY system that we install in regards to protocol is going to step on someone's personal protocols. ANY system.
In other countries where the current system has grown out of the old system, it's a little easier. It's already there, just adjusting every so often. But there has been a hole in Melbourne in regards to Leather for some years, so any old system that existed here has fallen through the cracks, and we are left to start again.
Starting again can be a good thing. But... again, I find myself back to this question: has the moment passed? Because we have no foundation to build on, will we ever find ourselves in a position where we can build a system without ruining the personal systems of others?
As our society becomes more and more individualistic, and Leather does as well, is there even a place for community-wide protocols in our world now?
This is a vibrant and tumultuous time for the Melbourne Leather community. It will be interesting not only to watch events unfold, but to be a part of them.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Covers
I've been thinking about covers a lot over the last few months. Even more so now that they've been buzzing about as both a topic and in a material sense in my local scene. First a few basics so you know what I'm talking about when I get to my actual thoughts.
A cover, in Leather, refers to a head covering, usually a cap. In some circles cover seems synonymous with a Muir cap, but it can really be any type of cap or hat I imagine. I can't see why not.
Muir caps are the type used as Master covers, or Master caps. What this means is that when a Master is granted the right to use that title by their community, a muir cap is usually the style presented.
So about that - cover ceremonies. It doesn't appear to be that common anymore (that I can see, at least around here) for Masters to have cover ceremonies, or even for Masters to not take on that title until their community gives it to them.
In theory, "Master" is a title that either a) your slave calls you and no one else does, or b) you are given the right to use by your community, for great service to the community and for being a good example (and are presented with a Master's cap, at a cover ceremony... you see how this all fits together?). In practise, it seems to be a lot more loosely wound than that - and that's probably a good thing.
Anyway, I know that's a little disjointed, but honestly I don't feel I'm any authority on the subject so I don't want to get into details because I don't really know any.
As I was saying, I've been thinking about covers a lot over the past few months. I've been thinking about them and thinking about my vest. I bought my vest myself, as a symbol of who I am and who I can become. It was deliberately something I wanted to come into my care to me from me, an act of autonomy and responsibility towards what it represents.
I do not feel the same about covers. I doubt I will ever buy my own Muir cap.
Call me a little old fashioned perhaps, but there's something about what a Master's cover can mean when it is gifted by one's peers, that is lacking should one buy it oneself. There is some connection to the rich history of Leather in that idea, and while I am generally against meritocracies for the overall population, in subcultures like Leather I think they can be valuable things.
I want to know, deep in my soul, that if I ever wear a Master's cap, it is because I am worthy, and am accepted as such.
It is very connected to the reasons why I felt I needed to design myself a coming of age rite in my adult years. I want to know that I have what it takes. I want to know that I can be the best I can be. I want to know that I deserve every moment of my various enlightenments and achievements.
A little wanky? Sure. But why shouldn't Leather be a little wanky, if it gets us hot? That's why we're here, isn't it? And I find deep, great joy in being a little wanky and taking some things just that little bit too seriously.
I do hope to one day be worthy of a cover ceremony - but I am not in any hurry. I have plenty of time to work slowly and carefully at who I am, to slowly grow into the person who may be given such a gift.
A cover, in Leather, refers to a head covering, usually a cap. In some circles cover seems synonymous with a Muir cap, but it can really be any type of cap or hat I imagine. I can't see why not.
Muir caps are the type used as Master covers, or Master caps. What this means is that when a Master is granted the right to use that title by their community, a muir cap is usually the style presented.
So about that - cover ceremonies. It doesn't appear to be that common anymore (that I can see, at least around here) for Masters to have cover ceremonies, or even for Masters to not take on that title until their community gives it to them.
In theory, "Master" is a title that either a) your slave calls you and no one else does, or b) you are given the right to use by your community, for great service to the community and for being a good example (and are presented with a Master's cap, at a cover ceremony... you see how this all fits together?). In practise, it seems to be a lot more loosely wound than that - and that's probably a good thing.
Anyway, I know that's a little disjointed, but honestly I don't feel I'm any authority on the subject so I don't want to get into details because I don't really know any.
As I was saying, I've been thinking about covers a lot over the past few months. I've been thinking about them and thinking about my vest. I bought my vest myself, as a symbol of who I am and who I can become. It was deliberately something I wanted to come into my care to me from me, an act of autonomy and responsibility towards what it represents.
I do not feel the same about covers. I doubt I will ever buy my own Muir cap.
Call me a little old fashioned perhaps, but there's something about what a Master's cover can mean when it is gifted by one's peers, that is lacking should one buy it oneself. There is some connection to the rich history of Leather in that idea, and while I am generally against meritocracies for the overall population, in subcultures like Leather I think they can be valuable things.
I want to know, deep in my soul, that if I ever wear a Master's cap, it is because I am worthy, and am accepted as such.
It is very connected to the reasons why I felt I needed to design myself a coming of age rite in my adult years. I want to know that I have what it takes. I want to know that I can be the best I can be. I want to know that I deserve every moment of my various enlightenments and achievements.
A little wanky? Sure. But why shouldn't Leather be a little wanky, if it gets us hot? That's why we're here, isn't it? And I find deep, great joy in being a little wanky and taking some things just that little bit too seriously.
I do hope to one day be worthy of a cover ceremony - but I am not in any hurry. I have plenty of time to work slowly and carefully at who I am, to slowly grow into the person who may be given such a gift.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A quick guide to flagging.
This blog gets a lot of search hits for things like "hanky code" and "flagging hunter green" and things like that, so for those of you stumbling across this in your search for flagging information, here is a short, quick guide to flagging.
First, a disclaimer, flagging does change from region to region and subculture to subculture (flagging in queer circles is different from flagging in Leather circles, and that's different from flagging in mainstream gay circles, etc). So just be careful of that. My knowledge is all from Australian flagging, and the closest thing we have to global Leather flagging (thanks to the internet!).
Flagging can be done with hankies (or bandannas), keys, chains, leather straps, cuffs, or ribbons. You can also use other things, of course, but the chances of it being recognized as a flag is lower than it is for these items.
To flag as a top, the item goes on your left. To flag as a bottom, the item goes on your right. To flag as a switch, the item goes in the middle.
There's also the issue of flagging via your neck - in some cases, this simply means switch, but in other cases it means hardcore. You can still flag left or right if you tie a hanky around your neck - the knot goes on the side that you're flagging. In short, be cautious when flagging with your neck.
Some other notes about flagging, before we get to colours:
If you're flagging with keys, some people take keys out to mean "available" and keys tucked into your pocket to mean "unavailable".
You can also flag switch by wearing two of whatever, one on each side. This is most commonly seen with cuffs or leather straps.
Be aware of the culture you're flagging in. You can probably flag whatever and however you like at a queer event, but if you're going to a Leather event make sure your hankies are clean and ironed, and that you're not flagging too many (maximum of two).
Now, about colours.
There are a million lists on the internet about hanky code colours (here are a couple: [link one] and [link two]) so I'm not going to list them all.
Now, some are more common than others. By all means flag whatever you like, but be aware that if it's an obscure one, then people may not know what you're flagging. Not everyone has the entire list memorized, for good reason :) Also the need to know the whole list is unnecessary; you generally only have to know the ones you're into.
Now let's talk about where to get items to flag with.
Most of the things I mentioned are easy to get (like ribbons and chains) or you already have (like your keys). Actual hankies, well, you can get them wherever you like too. I can't speak for other countries but here in Australia there's a certain type of bandanna that is the most common form of colour hanky flagging.
You can get bandannas specifically for flagging from most Leather & BDSM stores here in Australia. Here in Melbourne, mine came from Mannhaus, and I have also seen them at Eagle Leather and Lucrezia De Sade.
On a final note, I've already mentioned different cultures around flagging. Again, I can't speak for anywhere but here, but in the Leather culture here, it is common for hankies to be earned like leathers. They are often given as a gift for actually doing the thing that it flags, and doing it well. Your mileage may vary.
So that's that - I know that's a lot of information, but no one can claim that my introductions aren't thorough. :)
First, a disclaimer, flagging does change from region to region and subculture to subculture (flagging in queer circles is different from flagging in Leather circles, and that's different from flagging in mainstream gay circles, etc). So just be careful of that. My knowledge is all from Australian flagging, and the closest thing we have to global Leather flagging (thanks to the internet!).
Flagging can be done with hankies (or bandannas), keys, chains, leather straps, cuffs, or ribbons. You can also use other things, of course, but the chances of it being recognized as a flag is lower than it is for these items.
To flag as a top, the item goes on your left. To flag as a bottom, the item goes on your right. To flag as a switch, the item goes in the middle.
There's also the issue of flagging via your neck - in some cases, this simply means switch, but in other cases it means hardcore. You can still flag left or right if you tie a hanky around your neck - the knot goes on the side that you're flagging. In short, be cautious when flagging with your neck.
Some other notes about flagging, before we get to colours:
If you're flagging with keys, some people take keys out to mean "available" and keys tucked into your pocket to mean "unavailable".
You can also flag switch by wearing two of whatever, one on each side. This is most commonly seen with cuffs or leather straps.
Be aware of the culture you're flagging in. You can probably flag whatever and however you like at a queer event, but if you're going to a Leather event make sure your hankies are clean and ironed, and that you're not flagging too many (maximum of two).
Now, about colours.
There are a million lists on the internet about hanky code colours (here are a couple: [link one] and [link two]) so I'm not going to list them all.
Now, some are more common than others. By all means flag whatever you like, but be aware that if it's an obscure one, then people may not know what you're flagging. Not everyone has the entire list memorized, for good reason :) Also the need to know the whole list is unnecessary; you generally only have to know the ones you're into.
Now let's talk about where to get items to flag with.
Most of the things I mentioned are easy to get (like ribbons and chains) or you already have (like your keys). Actual hankies, well, you can get them wherever you like too. I can't speak for other countries but here in Australia there's a certain type of bandanna that is the most common form of colour hanky flagging.
You can get bandannas specifically for flagging from most Leather & BDSM stores here in Australia. Here in Melbourne, mine came from Mannhaus, and I have also seen them at Eagle Leather and Lucrezia De Sade.
On a final note, I've already mentioned different cultures around flagging. Again, I can't speak for anywhere but here, but in the Leather culture here, it is common for hankies to be earned like leathers. They are often given as a gift for actually doing the thing that it flags, and doing it well. Your mileage may vary.
So that's that - I know that's a lot of information, but no one can claim that my introductions aren't thorough. :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Last post for 2010
I wanted to get in a quick entry before the new year.
First, life blog housekeeping - Princess broke up with me. A week or two ago now (can't really remember). I'm doing fine, I had a lovely time seeing her over these last few months and I wish her all the best for the future.
In other news, tomorrow (well, more like in 8 hours or so, when 2011 begins) the boy will finally be released from his year of orgasm denial. He's been a very good boy and has had no orgasms throughout 2010. Finally, he can claim to be hardcore in one area of kink ;)
Finally, I will be ringing in the new year with a house party at mine, where we will have a spa, lube wrestling, and kinky goodness. And of course, I'll be spending it with people I adore, my chosen family, and my urban family.
First, life blog housekeeping - Princess broke up with me. A week or two ago now (can't really remember). I'm doing fine, I had a lovely time seeing her over these last few months and I wish her all the best for the future.
In other news, tomorrow (well, more like in 8 hours or so, when 2011 begins) the boy will finally be released from his year of orgasm denial. He's been a very good boy and has had no orgasms throughout 2010. Finally, he can claim to be hardcore in one area of kink ;)
Finally, I will be ringing in the new year with a house party at mine, where we will have a spa, lube wrestling, and kinky goodness. And of course, I'll be spending it with people I adore, my chosen family, and my urban family.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Common Flags & Why Hunter Green Is One Of Them
Flagging (that is, the hanky code) is alive and well amongst the queers in Melbourne, especially in the Leather scene. I can't comment on the gay Leather scene as I'm not welcome in most gay Leather spaces, being an intersex trans man.
But, even amongst the queer circles that I do move in, flagging is in no danger of dying out. While we may not need to worry about being covert about our desires so much any more, flagging is a uniquely queer way of talking about our sex and our desires. Even when it's not used as a way of cruising, flagging here is a signal of solidarity; a sign that says, "I'm queer and kinky, just like you".
And, yes, it does still work as a cruising device and conversation starter as well - heck, I started talking to Princess when I first noticed her flagging hunter green on her right (looking for daddy).
Now, the problem with flagging is that it's not always obvious whether someone is flagging or whether they're just wearing something they like, fashion wise, so I'm limiting this discussion generally to kink and queer spaces, where flagging generally is flagging. As much as I enjoy having a quiet chuckle when I see alt kids wearing their bandannas and wondering if they know what they're saying about themselves, I'm smart enough not to actually assume they're flagging.
The most common form of flagging I see around me is the leather wrist strap form; simply denoting whether someone is a top or a bottom. Ear piercings are also very common, but are usually a joint flagging-and-fashion sort of decision. Keys on the right or left are common in Leather circles, but not in generic queer circles.
When you get to actual hankies, that's where things get interesting. I've been watching the people around me and looking for their hankies since... well, since I found out about the hanky code when I was about sixteen, really. And I've definitely noticed that some flags are more common than others.
There are three colours that I see at least once a month, flagged on either side:
Black (heavy S&M) is by far the most popular. In Leather circles, usually means "heavy pain". In generic queer circles, usually means "into pain", or as a general kinky signifier.
Red (fisting) is another that I see everywhere, probably more common in generic queer circles than Leather circles though.
And the final one is one I want to talk about a little more in this entry: hunter green, meaning either "daddy" on the left or "looking for daddy" on the right.
I see hunter green everywhere in kink and queer circles. And I have a theory on why it's so popular.
Hunter green (and its lesser known sister, mint green, meaning "mummy/looking for mummy") isn't signifying an act, like most of the hanky code. Hunter green is signifying a desire for a certain type of relationship. Hunter green is signalling a part of your identity, a type of dynamic you enjoy and are seeking.
Hunter green is looking for something more than just kinky sex.
And I think that's why it's so common. It's not just laying some sex act out and saying that you want to do it. "Daddy" and "boy" or "girl" have so many meanings, so many different ways to do it... hunter green is saying "let's talk, let's get to know each other".
While there are other flags looking for types of people (all types of people, everything from bears to sailors to musclemen to drag queens), none of those have the same feel of looking for a certain dynamic. The only thing that could come close would be silver lame, which is about being/wanting to fuck celebrities.
I think it would be excellent if we had flags for other types of dynamics too, and I believe some folk have tried to start them (though I can't think of any examples off the top of my head) but nothing has caught on.
Another interesting thing about flagging is that there are a few differences between Leather culture and queer culture.
I see a lot more (almost all in fact) people flagging as a switch in queer circles, where in Leather people either flag what they're looking for right then, their general orientation, or the role they're playing at the time (that is, a Leather switch might still flag left or right if they're with their top or bottom).
The number of flags is also interesting. In queer circles, the more the merrier. Princess blogs over at flagging opinicus rampant, where their tagline is "there's no such thing as over-flagging", and that's a pretty common idea amongst queers. Flag everything, flag everything you are and everything you desire.
In Leather? God, no. Such a faux pas, you have no idea. Flagging more than two hankies at once is Just Not Done in Leather. You keep it simple, you keep it important.
Personally? I admit to being slightly more towards the Leather attitude in this. I don't mind what others do, but I will never flag more than two, and I do always feel a little bit funny when I see people flagging with more than two. I guess I feel a bit like it's a quality over quantity issue. I may blog more about this in the future sometime.
[Edit] If you like, come join us on twitter to talk about flags & the hanky code. Hashtag, #hankycode.
But, even amongst the queer circles that I do move in, flagging is in no danger of dying out. While we may not need to worry about being covert about our desires so much any more, flagging is a uniquely queer way of talking about our sex and our desires. Even when it's not used as a way of cruising, flagging here is a signal of solidarity; a sign that says, "I'm queer and kinky, just like you".
And, yes, it does still work as a cruising device and conversation starter as well - heck, I started talking to Princess when I first noticed her flagging hunter green on her right (looking for daddy).
Now, the problem with flagging is that it's not always obvious whether someone is flagging or whether they're just wearing something they like, fashion wise, so I'm limiting this discussion generally to kink and queer spaces, where flagging generally is flagging. As much as I enjoy having a quiet chuckle when I see alt kids wearing their bandannas and wondering if they know what they're saying about themselves, I'm smart enough not to actually assume they're flagging.
The most common form of flagging I see around me is the leather wrist strap form; simply denoting whether someone is a top or a bottom. Ear piercings are also very common, but are usually a joint flagging-and-fashion sort of decision. Keys on the right or left are common in Leather circles, but not in generic queer circles.
When you get to actual hankies, that's where things get interesting. I've been watching the people around me and looking for their hankies since... well, since I found out about the hanky code when I was about sixteen, really. And I've definitely noticed that some flags are more common than others.
There are three colours that I see at least once a month, flagged on either side:
Black (heavy S&M) is by far the most popular. In Leather circles, usually means "heavy pain". In generic queer circles, usually means "into pain", or as a general kinky signifier.
Red (fisting) is another that I see everywhere, probably more common in generic queer circles than Leather circles though.
And the final one is one I want to talk about a little more in this entry: hunter green, meaning either "daddy" on the left or "looking for daddy" on the right.
I see hunter green everywhere in kink and queer circles. And I have a theory on why it's so popular.
Hunter green (and its lesser known sister, mint green, meaning "mummy/looking for mummy") isn't signifying an act, like most of the hanky code. Hunter green is signifying a desire for a certain type of relationship. Hunter green is signalling a part of your identity, a type of dynamic you enjoy and are seeking.
Hunter green is looking for something more than just kinky sex.
And I think that's why it's so common. It's not just laying some sex act out and saying that you want to do it. "Daddy" and "boy" or "girl" have so many meanings, so many different ways to do it... hunter green is saying "let's talk, let's get to know each other".
While there are other flags looking for types of people (all types of people, everything from bears to sailors to musclemen to drag queens), none of those have the same feel of looking for a certain dynamic. The only thing that could come close would be silver lame, which is about being/wanting to fuck celebrities.
I think it would be excellent if we had flags for other types of dynamics too, and I believe some folk have tried to start them (though I can't think of any examples off the top of my head) but nothing has caught on.
Another interesting thing about flagging is that there are a few differences between Leather culture and queer culture.
I see a lot more (almost all in fact) people flagging as a switch in queer circles, where in Leather people either flag what they're looking for right then, their general orientation, or the role they're playing at the time (that is, a Leather switch might still flag left or right if they're with their top or bottom).
The number of flags is also interesting. In queer circles, the more the merrier. Princess blogs over at flagging opinicus rampant, where their tagline is "there's no such thing as over-flagging", and that's a pretty common idea amongst queers. Flag everything, flag everything you are and everything you desire.
In Leather? God, no. Such a faux pas, you have no idea. Flagging more than two hankies at once is Just Not Done in Leather. You keep it simple, you keep it important.
Personally? I admit to being slightly more towards the Leather attitude in this. I don't mind what others do, but I will never flag more than two, and I do always feel a little bit funny when I see people flagging with more than two. I guess I feel a bit like it's a quality over quantity issue. I may blog more about this in the future sometime.
[Edit] If you like, come join us on twitter to talk about flags & the hanky code. Hashtag, #hankycode.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Right vs. Left
There's a lot of discussion in Leather as to whether the submissive should walk/stand on the left or the right of the dominant. I don't really know if I believe in one true way for this, I think whatever works for people is fine. But anyway, that's not what this is about.
I often prefer to have my submissive on my left side. It just feels more natural, or better, or something, I don't know. I just know it's what I prefer.
Today I had a lightbulb moment which explained why!
At karate (which as I'm sure you all remember, is practically my base for my life in Leather) we were lined up in a very specific order. Sensei at the front of the class, of course, and then we were lined up grade by grade, from left to right. Those who were of a lower grade than you, were always on your left.
So in my formative adolescent years, I had already learned that those lower than you in the chain were on your left, and those higher on your right. It's unsurprising that that subconsciously stuck around even long after I had to leave karate! :)
I often prefer to have my submissive on my left side. It just feels more natural, or better, or something, I don't know. I just know it's what I prefer.
Today I had a lightbulb moment which explained why!
At karate (which as I'm sure you all remember, is practically my base for my life in Leather) we were lined up in a very specific order. Sensei at the front of the class, of course, and then we were lined up grade by grade, from left to right. Those who were of a lower grade than you, were always on your left.
So in my formative adolescent years, I had already learned that those lower than you in the chain were on your left, and those higher on your right. It's unsurprising that that subconsciously stuck around even long after I had to leave karate! :)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Community vs. Shyness
I'm a very shy person.
Quite a few people have laughed at me when I've admitted this in the past, but that's because I'm a complete nerd for social and communication skills, and thus have learned to fake it pretty well so far.
But the truth is, I'm a very shy person. I'm somewhat insecure. A lot of things affect this, mostly from my childhood (ahh, freudian), but that's irrelevant. The point is that I'm shy.
One of the Things(tm) about Leather is that it's very much about community. About being involved, about taking part, about serving and contributing to the community. That is, in fact, something I quite like about Leather, being that I am a bit of a bleeding heart case myself (which is probably why I attract girls and boys more than subs or slaves or other s-types).
But it's hard to get involved when you are shy.
It's not that I don't want to be - it's simply that I am shy. I'm a little afraid. It's also a lot of energy for me to be social, as much as I love it, it can be very draining.
None of this stops me of course - I'm very stubborn and when I decide I'm in something, I'm in, but doing something bravely anyway doesn't stop it from being hard.
I often come off as rather aloof in Leather social situations, because of my shyness. This is not intentional, it's just me struggling with my shyness. Sometimes the way I can deal with it all is to just be there in body, and keep mostly quiet. Other times I may do the opposite - for example, I write this blog, and I made it public. This is a way for me to be present vocally if not physically.
Shyness may not be very becoming in a Leather Sir, but each one of us is also a person, with our own personal struggles. One of mine is shyness.
One of the main things I struggle with is how to be involved with my community when I am shy (and also as a disabled man who cannot always get out to things, and as a trans man who is not always welcome at things). It means I don't make it to a lot of Leather events, and the ones I do make it to, I'm often very quiet, preferring to listen rather than speak (which is actually generally fine by me as I'm like that in most things, shyness or not).
Contribution is a tricky thing. I try and make it work. At present my main attempt at contribution to the Leather community is to try to be the best man I can be, to be kind and courteous, and to set a good example. To care for my fellow Leatherfolk.
And as with all things, of course, one must look to caring for oneself before that care can be turned outwards. This is also something that I've had to consider for the last couple of months, as life as been pretty crazy.
Shyness vs. Community will be an ongoing struggle for me, I suspect, but we don't grow as people without a little challenge!
Quite a few people have laughed at me when I've admitted this in the past, but that's because I'm a complete nerd for social and communication skills, and thus have learned to fake it pretty well so far.
But the truth is, I'm a very shy person. I'm somewhat insecure. A lot of things affect this, mostly from my childhood (ahh, freudian), but that's irrelevant. The point is that I'm shy.
One of the Things(tm) about Leather is that it's very much about community. About being involved, about taking part, about serving and contributing to the community. That is, in fact, something I quite like about Leather, being that I am a bit of a bleeding heart case myself (which is probably why I attract girls and boys more than subs or slaves or other s-types).
But it's hard to get involved when you are shy.
It's not that I don't want to be - it's simply that I am shy. I'm a little afraid. It's also a lot of energy for me to be social, as much as I love it, it can be very draining.
None of this stops me of course - I'm very stubborn and when I decide I'm in something, I'm in, but doing something bravely anyway doesn't stop it from being hard.
I often come off as rather aloof in Leather social situations, because of my shyness. This is not intentional, it's just me struggling with my shyness. Sometimes the way I can deal with it all is to just be there in body, and keep mostly quiet. Other times I may do the opposite - for example, I write this blog, and I made it public. This is a way for me to be present vocally if not physically.
Shyness may not be very becoming in a Leather Sir, but each one of us is also a person, with our own personal struggles. One of mine is shyness.
One of the main things I struggle with is how to be involved with my community when I am shy (and also as a disabled man who cannot always get out to things, and as a trans man who is not always welcome at things). It means I don't make it to a lot of Leather events, and the ones I do make it to, I'm often very quiet, preferring to listen rather than speak (which is actually generally fine by me as I'm like that in most things, shyness or not).
Contribution is a tricky thing. I try and make it work. At present my main attempt at contribution to the Leather community is to try to be the best man I can be, to be kind and courteous, and to set a good example. To care for my fellow Leatherfolk.
And as with all things, of course, one must look to caring for oneself before that care can be turned outwards. This is also something that I've had to consider for the last couple of months, as life as been pretty crazy.
Shyness vs. Community will be an ongoing struggle for me, I suspect, but we don't grow as people without a little challenge!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Building Family
As I've mentioned previously, I am New Leather and I am aware of this fact. Not only am I aware of it, but I see it as an opportunity.
This does NOT mean that I do not have a great deal of respect and fascination in Old Leather and its traditions and ways.
I've always believed that while we can learn from history's mistakes, we can also learn from its victories. History is neither good nor bad - we can use the information that now have, thanks to history, to build a better present and future. The AIDS crisis of the 70s and 80s has taught us that safer sex really is the best option, for example... but that doesn't mean that we all use condoms all the time. Sometimes, when we have examined the risks and made an informed decision, we do without condoms. We go bareback. And that's okay.
The problems that many perceive as "not taking traditions seriously" or "not caring about our history" is that many people don't examine history before doing things. They do not learn from the past's mistakes and victories. They think they have it figured out by themselves.
Now, sometimes this is true, and sometimes this attitude can build glorious new things. But this type of thinking is the type that leads to "condoms aren't necessary". Carelessness.
The other way can be awkward as well - thinking we MUST do things a certain way because of tradition does not work for everyone. These are the people who know they are both free of STDs and/or not at risk of pregnancy, and do not eroticize safer sex (as I do), but simply use a condom every time because that's what you do. It doesn't hurt anyone, but what if they might enjoy bareback sex? They might never know!
I like informed consent. I like it in all things - sexual, psychological, medical, everything.
I like it in history, too. I learn about our history, I learn about traditions, I learn about protocols and I learn as much as I can about the way people make things work... so that I can make an informed decision about whether that particular thing will work for me.
I am rambling, as I tend to do in this blog sometimes. I will come to the point.
In the last few years, I have been learning as much as I can about Leather and Leather families and households. Partially because I am a huge nerd and I enjoy learning about these things, partially because I have come to identify as a Leather man... but also partially because I feel that a Leather family, a connected tribe who interact with each other via not just talk and love and BDSM and/or sex, but also through protocols and hierarchies, is something that I am increasingly and unavoidably attracted to.
I feel drawn to build my own Leather family.
That is a bold admission. Many Leather families are not born or built, they are joined, or at best they grow slowly. This isn't mutually exclusive with what I am looking to do, it's just that I am being conscious, mindful of what I am slowly building. I am watering the seed in my soul and my life, so that it may grow.
The boy is firmly at my heels on this subject, he too feels the growing desire/need for family.
Now, here's the thing. The way most Leather families work, are built, etc... it's not that I think they're bad or anything, but as they stand, they don't work for me. I'm seeking something... different.
As I have mentioned before, much of who I am is influenced by martial arts. There is no reason that a family that I may be the head of (beneath the late "real" head, I'd say, which would be my Sensei) would not also be influenced by this. This isn't even that far away from the origins of Leather - much of its protocols and traditions are rooted in the military.
But I find myself flandering a little. Learning as much as possible, poaching from many traditions, families, cultures, ways... and incorporating it all into myself, who I am, what I seek, what I offer....
It's very complicated!
It also takes a very long time. This is something I've been thinking about for a year (at least) now, and I am not actually closer to it appearing yet. It is still gestating, a new form, a new life, a new chapter... laying dormant in my mind, waiting to be born.
It will happen. I am patient.
In the meantime, I know that one thing that absolutely WILL be passed to those involved with me is the way I learned how to kneel and bow. It's quite simple and not that different to how most people naturally do it, but it carries so much meaning for me that being able to pass that on is intensely powerful.
This does NOT mean that I do not have a great deal of respect and fascination in Old Leather and its traditions and ways.
I've always believed that while we can learn from history's mistakes, we can also learn from its victories. History is neither good nor bad - we can use the information that now have, thanks to history, to build a better present and future. The AIDS crisis of the 70s and 80s has taught us that safer sex really is the best option, for example... but that doesn't mean that we all use condoms all the time. Sometimes, when we have examined the risks and made an informed decision, we do without condoms. We go bareback. And that's okay.
The problems that many perceive as "not taking traditions seriously" or "not caring about our history" is that many people don't examine history before doing things. They do not learn from the past's mistakes and victories. They think they have it figured out by themselves.
Now, sometimes this is true, and sometimes this attitude can build glorious new things. But this type of thinking is the type that leads to "condoms aren't necessary". Carelessness.
The other way can be awkward as well - thinking we MUST do things a certain way because of tradition does not work for everyone. These are the people who know they are both free of STDs and/or not at risk of pregnancy, and do not eroticize safer sex (as I do), but simply use a condom every time because that's what you do. It doesn't hurt anyone, but what if they might enjoy bareback sex? They might never know!
I like informed consent. I like it in all things - sexual, psychological, medical, everything.
I like it in history, too. I learn about our history, I learn about traditions, I learn about protocols and I learn as much as I can about the way people make things work... so that I can make an informed decision about whether that particular thing will work for me.
I am rambling, as I tend to do in this blog sometimes. I will come to the point.
In the last few years, I have been learning as much as I can about Leather and Leather families and households. Partially because I am a huge nerd and I enjoy learning about these things, partially because I have come to identify as a Leather man... but also partially because I feel that a Leather family, a connected tribe who interact with each other via not just talk and love and BDSM and/or sex, but also through protocols and hierarchies, is something that I am increasingly and unavoidably attracted to.
I feel drawn to build my own Leather family.
That is a bold admission. Many Leather families are not born or built, they are joined, or at best they grow slowly. This isn't mutually exclusive with what I am looking to do, it's just that I am being conscious, mindful of what I am slowly building. I am watering the seed in my soul and my life, so that it may grow.
The boy is firmly at my heels on this subject, he too feels the growing desire/need for family.
Now, here's the thing. The way most Leather families work, are built, etc... it's not that I think they're bad or anything, but as they stand, they don't work for me. I'm seeking something... different.
As I have mentioned before, much of who I am is influenced by martial arts. There is no reason that a family that I may be the head of (beneath the late "real" head, I'd say, which would be my Sensei) would not also be influenced by this. This isn't even that far away from the origins of Leather - much of its protocols and traditions are rooted in the military.
But I find myself flandering a little. Learning as much as possible, poaching from many traditions, families, cultures, ways... and incorporating it all into myself, who I am, what I seek, what I offer....
It's very complicated!
It also takes a very long time. This is something I've been thinking about for a year (at least) now, and I am not actually closer to it appearing yet. It is still gestating, a new form, a new life, a new chapter... laying dormant in my mind, waiting to be born.
It will happen. I am patient.
In the meantime, I know that one thing that absolutely WILL be passed to those involved with me is the way I learned how to kneel and bow. It's quite simple and not that different to how most people naturally do it, but it carries so much meaning for me that being able to pass that on is intensely powerful.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Vests & Life
Life has been crazy busy, not in the fun way, recently - mostly, I have just been very sick, and that's mostly why I haven't been writing.
But, you're not here to hear about that, so let's talk about vests.
I recently bought myself a leather vest. It is a tangible item for me to represent the Sir I am and will become. I bought it for a lot of reasons, but now that I have it and have bonded with it, I know that it is going to remain important to me forever.
Also, I look very sexy in it.
My tattoo was an action of my own volition, given to me by myself. It represents my adulthood, my life spent working towards being the kind of person I want to be and believe I can be.
My vest will be an action of my own volition, given to me by myself. It will represent my coming into myself as a Sir, my life spent dedicating myself to my community and my lifestyle and my loved ones.
But, you're not here to hear about that, so let's talk about vests.
I recently bought myself a leather vest. It is a tangible item for me to represent the Sir I am and will become. I bought it for a lot of reasons, but now that I have it and have bonded with it, I know that it is going to remain important to me forever.
Also, I look very sexy in it.
My tattoo was an action of my own volition, given to me by myself. It represents my adulthood, my life spent working towards being the kind of person I want to be and believe I can be.
My vest will be an action of my own volition, given to me by myself. It will represent my coming into myself as a Sir, my life spent dedicating myself to my community and my lifestyle and my loved ones.
Monday, October 19, 2009
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