Friday, July 30, 2010

Macushla Farm

For two nights' worth of holiday, this week the boy and I headed out to Macushla Farm, which aside from being a lovely BnB in general is also a Fetish BnB.

It was glorious.

I'm not even sure where to start in talking about it. The cabin was amazing (ugh, I love spas more than life), the little touches were charming (the soap smelled wonderful and felt fantastic), the setting was fabulous (alpacas and kangaroos roaming around gum trees), and the delicious play room/dungeon was one of, if not THE, finest I've ever had the pleasure to patronize.

What to talk about what to talk about.

It was lovely to have just space to be with the boy, to enjoy him and being with him. It was lovely to play with him, though we didn't scene particularly hard or for very long, we did little snippets of play all through the day and night. We spent as much time in the dungeon with each other as we did in the cabin.

The dungeon was so perfect, it gave me dreams of what to do with my own. There was so much furniture, so many options, it was a dream. For the first couple of hours I couldn't focus properly, I was like a child in a toy store, just running about and poking everything, getting a feel for it, playing with it. The ambience was perfect and easily customised, with media centre for music and porn/other dvds, and many lighting options.

Ambience is an interesting thing - I usually play in such ambience at clubs etc, as even though I have BDSM furniture at home I haven't had the ambience so much, so I tend to rely on public events for ambience. With a private place like that, I discovered something interesting: I prefer to scene while barefoot.

This is unusual of course because D-types are usually required-by-expectation to be wearing either boots or at least dress shoes while they do their toppy business. But I kicked off my shoes and immediately found myself more at home.

I've mentioned before that so much of who I am as a top is influenced by my history in martial arts, and thus this is probably not much of a surprise. I love my feet, they let me feel where I am, how my body is, and let me channel my movements. All strikes in martial arts eventually come down to your feet - that's why your stance is so important.

Being barefoot made me feel more stable, like I was connected to the ground. It let me control my body better. It let me feel more 'in the moment'. It made me feel more connected to reality. I found my feet slipping back into stances that I haven't used in years, like I'd never stopped.

So that was eye-opening, and once again made me remember that not only is there no One True Way for this kind of thing, but that I'm a little bit of a freak as well - and I kind of like that!

Another thing that came up for me while I was there was this recurring fantasy I have of a kinky "family vacation". Not necessarily to do with Leather family (although I suppose that can't be helped in this situation), but more to do with the idea of the classic "family" idea, and the "family holiday" trope... and then twisting it up a bit.

I love the idea of having a couple of days away to get my kink on, with my 'family'... Daddy with his kids (boys? girls? any number thereof), the slave(s), and of course the family dog...

I don't have slaves or a human dog right now but that doesn't mean the fantasy isn't there!

I don't know why the idea appeals to me so much, but it does. Perverting the normality of your average person's everyday life. Enjoying and relaxing and taking time out with people I care about without needing to restrict my activities to vanilla-friendly ones.

The idea has reseeded in my mind so much I'm wondering if I could get away with organizing something like it for my birthday, which is coming up in a couple of months... I'm sure I could put a personal ad out there seeking a 'family dog' for a couple of days...

All in all I must say Macushla Farm is an absolute MUST for all kinksters who live in or are even passing through Victoria. The only downside about the place is that you need a car to get there!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Thoughts on Orders vs. Inspiration

I am very much into obedient submissives. If I have to fight you to get you to submit, I'm not going to bother. I am not here to fight your inner battles for you.

Lots of dominants are like this, it's not surprising. But I recently realized that I'm not even that big of a fan of giving orders.

Stay with me here. I know you're wondering how there can be obedience without giving orders - after all, obedience implies there's something there to obey. And it's not that I don't have preferences, or that I don't have expectations. It's just the orders themselves that often fall by the wayside.

I *could* beat myself up about this and think of myself as a bad dominant, but I don't think that's what it is. I think it's that I'd rather inspire a submissive to want to do things, instead of just tell them to do them.

I would rather discuss with my boy why it would be a good thing for him to go to the gym twice a week, than simply tell him to do so. I would rather tell him that I enjoy his service, and then reward him when he does it, than to simply boss him around.

Sure, if I want something specific, I will give an order; but it's usually very small things that I do this for. "Fetch my shoes", "refill my glass", things like that. Anything bigger and I would rather open a dialogue about it and find whatever seed it is in a submissive that wants to do whatever I'm after, and draw it out.

Admittedly this entire concept mostly applies to boys and girls and submissives - I do not know if I would take this same approach with a slave, not having yet owned one. I suspect with a slave I would be more likely to give direct orders.

I have owned a girl before, but she was definitely a submissive and not a slave; it might be confusing as to how one can 'own' someone who is not a slave, but it worked for us... I suppose when I think about it I have a similar relationship with my boy, though the words "ownership" or "owned" have never been thrown around, "belongs" and "belonging" and "mine" have been.

The line between "24/7 D/s" and "slavery" is often a little blurry, I suppose.

At any rate, back on subject, most of this does come back to my dislike of "force". I am a very strong believer in autonomy and consent, and while I am perfectly aware that "forced" rarely actually means overriding someone's autonomy, it still makes me a little edgy. I think maybe this is why it might be different with a slave who has agreed to a consensual-non-consent arrangement; the consent has been given in advance, for an explicit period of time. This is differing from my other D/s relationships I have had, where even though I might be the boss, the autonomy and consent of my submissive is not a blanket statement at any point.

I do want to add a slave to my life sometime in the near future; I know it will be difficult to find the slave that is the right fit with me and my family, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Community vs. Shyness

I'm a very shy person.

Quite a few people have laughed at me when I've admitted this in the past, but that's because I'm a complete nerd for social and communication skills, and thus have learned to fake it pretty well so far.

But the truth is, I'm a very shy person. I'm somewhat insecure. A lot of things affect this, mostly from my childhood (ahh, freudian), but that's irrelevant. The point is that I'm shy.

One of the Things(tm) about Leather is that it's very much about community. About being involved, about taking part, about serving and contributing to the community. That is, in fact, something I quite like about Leather, being that I am a bit of a bleeding heart case myself (which is probably why I attract girls and boys more than subs or slaves or other s-types).

But it's hard to get involved when you are shy.

It's not that I don't want to be - it's simply that I am shy. I'm a little afraid. It's also a lot of energy for me to be social, as much as I love it, it can be very draining.

None of this stops me of course - I'm very stubborn and when I decide I'm in something, I'm in, but doing something bravely anyway doesn't stop it from being hard.

I often come off as rather aloof in Leather social situations, because of my shyness. This is not intentional, it's just me struggling with my shyness. Sometimes the way I can deal with it all is to just be there in body, and keep mostly quiet. Other times I may do the opposite - for example, I write this blog, and I made it public. This is a way for me to be present vocally if not physically.

Shyness may not be very becoming in a Leather Sir, but each one of us is also a person, with our own personal struggles. One of mine is shyness.

One of the main things I struggle with is how to be involved with my community when I am shy (and also as a disabled man who cannot always get out to things, and as a trans man who is not always welcome at things). It means I don't make it to a lot of Leather events, and the ones I do make it to, I'm often very quiet, preferring to listen rather than speak (which is actually generally fine by me as I'm like that in most things, shyness or not).

Contribution is a tricky thing. I try and make it work. At present my main attempt at contribution to the Leather community is to try to be the best man I can be, to be kind and courteous, and to set a good example. To care for my fellow Leatherfolk.

And as with all things, of course, one must look to caring for oneself before that care can be turned outwards. This is also something that I've had to consider for the last couple of months, as life as been pretty crazy.

Shyness vs. Community will be an ongoing struggle for me, I suspect, but we don't grow as people without a little challenge!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

It's a Girl!


I've been seeing this charming girl for a couple of months now. She is fiery and loud and a spoilt princess, and I rather adore her. She's been asking for a little while if she could call me Daddy, and I've had to think about it.

I've had to think about it because I'm coming from a certain culture that has certain ideas about what that label means. I don't think that the dynamic between her and I necessarily fits into that culture, so it means I have to wiggle my head around a little bit to figure things out.

Nonetheless, I am a brave adventurer and I am willing to figure things out as they go. I don't need to fit myself or my life entirely into any one culture or compartment, so I'm happy to see what forms and where it goes.

(Incidentally, I recently heard the phrase "old guard, new guard, and avant-garde" in regards to Leather and it amused me greatly, and I'm wondering if I should/could perhaps identify that way... but it would probably confuse people, so I'll stick with New Leather.)

At any rate, after some very awkward conversation (both of us seem to think and discuss in rather vague and/or abstract terms) I agreed that she could call me Daddy, and then bought her a leather strap to wear about her neck. We still have a few things to discuss, but they can wait until they come up and can be discussed in more practical, concrete ways.

My boy is very excited for me and is already pestering me about when she's coming around for dinner sometime so he can get to know her better. I'm very blessed to have such a sweet boy.

So, that's the news. I'm a Daddy again (still?), and it's a girl.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Vampire Gloves

You know, for a blog that's supposedly about my everyday life, I don't seem to write much about my everyday life, do I?

Well, let's talk about a play party I went to recently.

A friend of mine gave me loan of his vampire gloves for the evening, he wanted them to be taken out and shown some love. So I had a shiny new toy to play with.

Once there, I really was just playing about with the gloves a little, testing the sensations out on myself and my boy.

Then, magic.

Vampire gloves are clearly made of bondage fairy dust, because women started taking their shirts off, thrusting their bodies on front of me and asking to be touched. Being a terribly considerate person, of course I fulfilled all such requests.

These gloves are wonderful. With very light pressure, the sensation is rather like a very intense tickle. With a little more pressure, they become delicious scratchy tools of pleasure. Once you've stopped, the skin you've been playing with glows red and is extremely warm, which is pleasant enough on its own and even more so if you add some ice to cool it back down.

One lady stood in front of me, and when I asked if she needed to sit she claimed to have "very strong footwork". I took this as a challenge. She writhed and moaned and stood her ground perfectly well as I left scratches all over her chest, however I have a secret weapon. I pushed her arms up in the air and drew the gloves along her tender upper forearm, down to her armpit. Of course this made her giggle and lose her footing :)

The next day she apparently had a delightful sting from a hot shower over her skin.

Now, a while back I promised a princess a pony ride, so also at this party I geared up my boy as a pony and took him for a little walk to see his pony steps.

Oh dear, we really should have done some training beforehand.

The boy definitely needs pony training, but he was fine for one night of rides. So he took not one, but two princesses for a ride, and was then very tired at the end of it. I'm sure with some training he'll be an excellent pony for little girls to ride on, and pony training is definitely being added to the list of things I need to do with him.

The main thing the boy needs training in regard to is both finding his pony headspace (which is something all humanimal players need to find in the beginning) and also his gait. Both of these can be worked on with time and care and lots and lots of play.

It was a really excellent night, I love the Melbourne BDSM community and our events. It's always fantastic fun.

Incidentally, I have also ordered myself my own pair of vampire gloves now. The pleasure they bring to both myself and those I touch while wearing them was certainly worth a little indulgence in my bank account.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Moving On

I think one of the challenges in Leather is to actually stay in a Leather mindset, even when life is against you.

Of course, "real life" (I've never understood that, this *is* my real life) always comes first. But for me Leather is deeply entrenched in the same part of my mind that martial arts used to (and still does to a certain extend) occupy.

You can't turn that off. In regards to martial arts, Sensei used to say "Karate is not a sport; karate is a way of life."

This is of course utterly true and I feel the same thing applies to Leather. Yes, Leather is who you fuck and how you fuck them. But it's also a way of life, a way of seeing the world.

Sometimes that can get a little lost, and we need to take a deep breath and remember where we come from.

I've been very stressed and have been hiding from the world a little in the last few weeks. I feel that time is coming to an end now, however, and I can come out into the sunlight again.

There are things that need my attention; holidays are all well and good but one must come home eventually.