I had the realization recently, as I discussed things with my boy over dinner one night, that I'm not sure I will ever buy myself more leather.
Of the leather I own, I own boots and I own a vest. That is all. I do not even own a belt, because I wear rope as a belt - because rope is precious to me and I like to have it on hand at all times. I wear the rope knotted on my left side, so it also functions as a flag.
My vest is incredibly important to me. I wrote about my vest when I bought it.
My vest is a promise, to myself, that I will always strive to be better. My vest is my way of constantly checking that I am on the path I want to be on.
Every time I pull on my vest, I ask myself: am I working towards being the person I want to be? Am I working to be compassionate, generous, kind? Am I working to be thoughtful, courageous, a man of integrity?
If the answer is yes, I wear my vest with pride.
If the answer is no, I take my vest off and it stays off until the answer is yes.
So my vest has incredible meaning for me.
The discussion of chaps came up, and boy expressed a desire to see me in a pair of chaps - and I admitted, somewhat surprised at myself, that I don't think I will be buying myself any more leather.
Earning leather is a tricky thing. On one hand, I think it's a beautiful and incredibly meaningful tradition among Leather people. On the other hand, I can think of many reasons why someone may prefer to buy their own leather rather than earning it - hell, as I said, I bought my own vest, and that doesn't leave it with any less meaning. And of course there will be plenty of Leather people who don't feel their leather needs to have a purpose at all, and buy it just for the look, the smell, the sex appeal.
But for me?
For me, I don't think I'd be comfortable buying any more leather. Perhaps it's a product of my years as a martial artist - but I don't seek to raise my own level, as it were. To me that feels empty.
And for me, I do not have a mentor. Nor do I really have a Leather family - I have my boy and at present it's just the two of us. So there is no one to grant me leather, as it were. Perhaps one day I will be enough a part of the community that it could come from there, but I am not certain that will ever eventuate.
These two facts combine, and it leads to this: I doubt I will ever own any further leather than I already own.
What surprised me is that I'm actually 100% comfortable with this.
I have no desire to be some kind of God of Leather. If I have the respect of my boy and my peers, that is enough for me. If I feel safe and comfortable in the leather I own, that is enough for me.
My journey as a Leather Sir does not rely on me 'levelling up'. It relies on me simply being true to myself.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
2011 Coming to a Close
Apologies for the absence over the last few months - but life has just been... interesting, hectic, difficult. Aside from my family troubles I've had health troubles galore, and it just hasn't been a very productive time for me.
So the new year is coming up, and I must say it can't come too soon. This year has been a stressful one, to say the least.
This month marks two years since I officially collared my boy, and we are as happy as ever. Our fifth anniversary as a couple is coming up in February and I must say that my gratitude for my boy, our relationship, and the stability and love of it all knows no bounds. I am so happy to have him in my life.
So here's to the new year, and all the adventures, love, and shenanigans it may hold!
And hopefully I will be writing here more frequently again, as things are finally starting to settle for me. :)
So the new year is coming up, and I must say it can't come too soon. This year has been a stressful one, to say the least.
This month marks two years since I officially collared my boy, and we are as happy as ever. Our fifth anniversary as a couple is coming up in February and I must say that my gratitude for my boy, our relationship, and the stability and love of it all knows no bounds. I am so happy to have him in my life.
So here's to the new year, and all the adventures, love, and shenanigans it may hold!
And hopefully I will be writing here more frequently again, as things are finally starting to settle for me. :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Family matters
I just got back from an interstate trip to my mother and sister's place to help sort through my father's things since he moved into a nursing home last month.
My father's currently in the ICU in Canberra. There's only a 50/50 chance he's coming back out again.
So I'm a little preoccupied right now. Sorry folks.
My father's currently in the ICU in Canberra. There's only a 50/50 chance he's coming back out again.
So I'm a little preoccupied right now. Sorry folks.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Larry Townsend's "Leatherman's Handbook"
Hi blog! I haven't forgotten you. As I've mentioned in many previous entries, life's just been crazy. Anyway, here I am.
While I do have a lot I could talk about, it's all pretty much not-quite-formed in my head and there's a lot going on, so I thought I'd talk about my birthday, or more specifically, a birthday gift I received.
I received a copy of "Leatherman's Handbook" by Larry Townsend, the silver jubilee edition. Having now read through it like a starving person let loose on a buffet, I thought I'd blog a few of my thoughts.
The first thing I feel people should know about this book is that it isn't really a 'how to' book. I'm sure it was, back in the day, but if you're looking for instructions, this isn't the book to go to.
What this book is, is a beautiful snapshot of history and culture, wrapped up in memories that will get your cock hard.
I didn't really know what to expect from this book, I must admit. I knew that it was one of the first books of its kind and I knew that it was originally published in the early 70s, when things were very different both in Leather and for queers. Other than that, I didn't really know much about it, and I'm kind of glad of that because it means I had no expectations to either be met or let down.
It's such a rich book, with so much atmosphere. It makes me feel like a time traveller, catching glimmers of my past and my cultural history through the words on the page.
I didn't expect so much of the book to be true erotic stories of people's encounters, but I can't say that it was an unpleasant surprise. In a sense I feel like maybe it's better than a 'how to' book on that matter, because it shows you what a scene should feel like, shows you what can be accomplished in a Leather session, without getting bogged down in the details of how the mechanics should work.
What's really interesting in the book is reading the notes that the author has put in, 25 years later, about what's changed in comparison to what he had originally written. Some of these notes give a sense of scale to the book that it might not otherwise have.
While I did find some of the author's attitudes, especially towards women, queens, and nelly fags, a little bit offputting, I can chalk it up to a different culture and move on without it impacting my enjoyment of the book too much.
It's hard to write a review of this book, because it's such a personal book, if that makes sense. People will get out of it what they put into it. It's certainly, if nothing else, an incredibly important historical text for people like us. If you're a bit of a nerd like me, then it's an absolute must buy for your library. If you like hot Leather man porn, you could do a lot worse than having this on your bookshelf. If you're looking for a dry instruction manual on Leather culture and practises, however, this isn't it, and you should keep looking - perhaps consider the Leatherboy Handbook instead, which I'll write about sometime soon and you can compare.
An important piece of history that I get to keep close to me. I'm really, very glad I own this book.
While I do have a lot I could talk about, it's all pretty much not-quite-formed in my head and there's a lot going on, so I thought I'd talk about my birthday, or more specifically, a birthday gift I received.
I received a copy of "Leatherman's Handbook" by Larry Townsend, the silver jubilee edition. Having now read through it like a starving person let loose on a buffet, I thought I'd blog a few of my thoughts.
The first thing I feel people should know about this book is that it isn't really a 'how to' book. I'm sure it was, back in the day, but if you're looking for instructions, this isn't the book to go to.
What this book is, is a beautiful snapshot of history and culture, wrapped up in memories that will get your cock hard.
I didn't really know what to expect from this book, I must admit. I knew that it was one of the first books of its kind and I knew that it was originally published in the early 70s, when things were very different both in Leather and for queers. Other than that, I didn't really know much about it, and I'm kind of glad of that because it means I had no expectations to either be met or let down.
It's such a rich book, with so much atmosphere. It makes me feel like a time traveller, catching glimmers of my past and my cultural history through the words on the page.
I didn't expect so much of the book to be true erotic stories of people's encounters, but I can't say that it was an unpleasant surprise. In a sense I feel like maybe it's better than a 'how to' book on that matter, because it shows you what a scene should feel like, shows you what can be accomplished in a Leather session, without getting bogged down in the details of how the mechanics should work.
What's really interesting in the book is reading the notes that the author has put in, 25 years later, about what's changed in comparison to what he had originally written. Some of these notes give a sense of scale to the book that it might not otherwise have.
While I did find some of the author's attitudes, especially towards women, queens, and nelly fags, a little bit offputting, I can chalk it up to a different culture and move on without it impacting my enjoyment of the book too much.
It's hard to write a review of this book, because it's such a personal book, if that makes sense. People will get out of it what they put into it. It's certainly, if nothing else, an incredibly important historical text for people like us. If you're a bit of a nerd like me, then it's an absolute must buy for your library. If you like hot Leather man porn, you could do a lot worse than having this on your bookshelf. If you're looking for a dry instruction manual on Leather culture and practises, however, this isn't it, and you should keep looking - perhaps consider the Leatherboy Handbook instead, which I'll write about sometime soon and you can compare.
An important piece of history that I get to keep close to me. I'm really, very glad I own this book.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Bird Cage Chastity Updates
The majority of this blog's google hits are related to chastity, often specifically about the Bird Cage Chastity Device. So I thought I'd talk about it a bit.
Boy's had the bird cage for about six months now. He hasn't been wearing it that whole time, sorry to disappoint.
Some great things about the bird cage include:
* It's visual appeal. I can't stress enough how much I like the look of the bird cage, much more than ANY other chastity device I've ever seen. It's lovely to look at, both just because it is and also because it looks like a cage, which psychologically works really well.
* Comfort. In the short term (and generally in the long term, but more on that in a moment) boy says that it's very comfortable.
* Metal. It's made of metal, which I like best, certainly better than plastic or silicone. Sure it means boy can't go through airport security with it on, but seriously, he doesn't fly for his job so how often is this going to be a concern really?
* Price. The bird cage is the cheapest chastity option I've seen that fits our requirements, and so far it's the best. Sometimes things aren't better just because they cost more. In fact, the boy's CB6000 broke with less than a year's usage. The bird cage has had no such glitches.
* Pinching - or more specifically, a lack thereof. The boy's foreskin suffers no accidental pinching while he's wearing the bird cage, unlike the CB6000.
* It's much easier to get on than a lot of other chastity devices.
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of right now.
Some of the less great things about the bird cage:
* Abrasion. Some parts of the boy's genitals do get abraded and uncomfortable if he wears it for a few weeks. Silicone lube applied after every shower certainly slows this down, but doesn't stop it completely. This isn't necessarily a horrible thing about the bird cage - it's probably for the best to have a rest from chastity devices every few weeks anyway, so this forces that. On the down side, this forces that.
* Bulk. It is a little bulkier than most other chastity devices. I don't consider this a bad thing necessarily but apparently it does make the boy feel a little self conscious in some situations.
* A regular padlock doesn't sit quite right on it, the lock isn't thin enough or long enough or something, and so it tends to sit on its side. It still locks securely, there's no problem there, it just doesn't look asymmetrical. The lock that came WITH the cage sat just fine, but we have keyed alike locks for the cage and the boy's collar for ease of unlocking, and keeping only one key on the keyring.
So there you have it. It's an exceptionally good buy, especially for its price. I like it a lot better than some of the more expensive chastity devices. It does have its flaws, however. But don't let that stop you from buying one if you're considering it. It's one of the best purchases I've ever made.
Boy's had the bird cage for about six months now. He hasn't been wearing it that whole time, sorry to disappoint.
Some great things about the bird cage include:
* It's visual appeal. I can't stress enough how much I like the look of the bird cage, much more than ANY other chastity device I've ever seen. It's lovely to look at, both just because it is and also because it looks like a cage, which psychologically works really well.
* Comfort. In the short term (and generally in the long term, but more on that in a moment) boy says that it's very comfortable.
* Metal. It's made of metal, which I like best, certainly better than plastic or silicone. Sure it means boy can't go through airport security with it on, but seriously, he doesn't fly for his job so how often is this going to be a concern really?
* Price. The bird cage is the cheapest chastity option I've seen that fits our requirements, and so far it's the best. Sometimes things aren't better just because they cost more. In fact, the boy's CB6000 broke with less than a year's usage. The bird cage has had no such glitches.
* Pinching - or more specifically, a lack thereof. The boy's foreskin suffers no accidental pinching while he's wearing the bird cage, unlike the CB6000.
* It's much easier to get on than a lot of other chastity devices.
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of right now.
Some of the less great things about the bird cage:
* Abrasion. Some parts of the boy's genitals do get abraded and uncomfortable if he wears it for a few weeks. Silicone lube applied after every shower certainly slows this down, but doesn't stop it completely. This isn't necessarily a horrible thing about the bird cage - it's probably for the best to have a rest from chastity devices every few weeks anyway, so this forces that. On the down side, this forces that.
* Bulk. It is a little bulkier than most other chastity devices. I don't consider this a bad thing necessarily but apparently it does make the boy feel a little self conscious in some situations.
* A regular padlock doesn't sit quite right on it, the lock isn't thin enough or long enough or something, and so it tends to sit on its side. It still locks securely, there's no problem there, it just doesn't look asymmetrical. The lock that came WITH the cage sat just fine, but we have keyed alike locks for the cage and the boy's collar for ease of unlocking, and keeping only one key on the keyring.
So there you have it. It's an exceptionally good buy, especially for its price. I like it a lot better than some of the more expensive chastity devices. It does have its flaws, however. But don't let that stop you from buying one if you're considering it. It's one of the best purchases I've ever made.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Life
Sorry for the neglect, blog. I've been really sick this last month, and there's been other stressors like moving my father into a nursing home (which seems to have gone smoothly, which is good). BDSM and Leather haven't been forefront in my mind recently - not that I haven't been thinking about them, because goodness knows I always do, but I've just had other things that require more focus, and Leather has been something in the back of my mind rather than the front.
I do have some things to blog about, which hopefully I'll get to soon. But mostly I just wanted to say hi, and life is mad right now, and we'll return you to your regularly scheduled program as soon as possible.
I do have some things to blog about, which hopefully I'll get to soon. But mostly I just wanted to say hi, and life is mad right now, and we'll return you to your regularly scheduled program as soon as possible.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
High Protocol Leather Dinner
So the HP dinner happened a couple of days ago now, and only just now am I able to begin blogging about it, as I've been quite literally on my back doped up with painkillers since I got home from it. Apparently spending nearly 12 hours in "on" mode isn't so good for people with chronic illnesses, who knew? :P
I volunteered to help in the kitchen so I arrived in the morning. I spent the next four hours peeling and chopping vegetables which I imagine sounds very boring but honestly it was the best job I could have had. I got to be helpful and free up time for others to do more important activities without straining myself in any way. I enjoy chopping and peeling vegetables, as I find it very meditative, so I don't even feel like I was working that hard. It was a pleasure to be useful before the actual dinner, and it helped calm my nerves about it all - after all, I was helping, I was present, and I was focussed. What was there to be nervous about in such a state?
My boy came with me and did general dogsbody work through the day and evening - he helped out wherever he was required. Duties that he was involved in that day were so many - helping with the spit, helping with the potatoes, valet duties, drinks service, and probably more things behind the scenes that I did not see.
I had put the pressure on my boy a little before this event - I wanted him to make me proud. And that he did. By being flexible and ready to help wherever he was needed in whatever way was needed, he made himself available for service in a way that truly, truly did me proud. I am so honoured to be Daddy to such a dedicated and caring boy, who will put his hand up for whatever is needed.
At three, which was when the dominants were to be arriving (though many arrived early), I went and got dressed. Last year my boy organized for all my friends to put money in to get me a specially tailored suit, and we finally picked it up this past week. I combined that with the tailored shirt that I got with it, and my leather vest. I must have looked fabulous, everyone complimented me - though I wonder what it says about me that people sounded so surprised that I looked so good ;)
It was the perfect debut for my suit; as many of the people involved with the dinner had put in money for it, and it was such a special occasion for me. I felt proud and humbled at the same time by it all.
I went out the back so I could enter through the front door - my theory was that all the other dominants got to come through the front door, so I wanted to as well :) In the living room we dominants gathered and chatted and it was lovely. Drinks and nibbles were served by two wonderful submissives.
I was very quiet - not just at this point but through the whole night. It wasn't shyness for once; it was that I was genuinely enjoying just listening. People had wonderful stories and thoughts to share, and as I said at one point - I enjoy hearing about people's lives. I am only 25 and haven't had a life yet. :) It was then commented, "but look at how you're starting!", and I have to agree. To be present at such an event was glorious, and especially wonderful for me as the youngest person at the table.
When the time came, we were introduced to our servers for the evening - two servers to three dominants. I was served by the wonderful Taya and Ben, who were both charming and I felt very cared for by them.
We were then seated at the table and it felt like the night truly began. We talked and joked and shared stories and it was wonderful. The food was amazing, cooked by the wonderful Ms Lyn, and it was just sensational. The service was beautiful, despite the visible nerves all the submissives worked cleanly and quickly and I was never left wanting for anything. Maid Michelle made sure our drinks continued to flow with dedication.
As our meal finished, all the submissives gathered in the dining room and a cake was brought out and placed in front of Bella.
I don't know how comfortable people involved would be for me to describe what came next in detail, so I will refrain. However, I still want to express my feelings.
To watch Bella receive her Master's cover from such a respected and experienced person, surrounded by her Leather family and community, was such an honour, I can't even express it properly with only words. I teared up as I watched, rapt with joy. As I hugged her after I managed to choke out some words - "Thank you, for being you. I look up to you so much."
It's so true and so much bigger than those words could convey - but choked up with emotion it's often hard to get across meaning like that. Bella is such a role model for me, she is so kind, gentle and extremely skilled, and her dedication to Leather, service and kindness is beyond amazing. Should I be half the person she is as I grow, I will be a great person.
To share in such an event with her was such an honour, such a pleasure. To be present was, as its word implies, a gift.
After the ceremony we all shared in the cake and some more concrete gifts - as the dinner was "Christmas in July" themed, we had a kris kringle. Just to truly top off the night for me, my kris kringle gift was a beautiful clear paddle made by maid Michelle. This was such good luck for me for so many reasons - I have been wanting a paddle for some time, but unable to afford one. I also admire Michelle's work so much, but again, cash is rather tight at the moment, so being able to own a piece of Michelle's work makes me incredibly happy.
Not long after the kris kringle, sadly I had to leave as my body was starting to hurt in a very bad way and the tiredness that I'd been keeping at bay for a few hours crept up on me all at once. Boy drove me home and from there we went straight to bed, where I stayed until this morning, essentially.
I have so many feelings about the high protocol dinner - it was so wonderful, such a bright spot in my life, and something I already know I will look back on as I grow and always smile about.
One particular pleasure for me was being the youngest person at the table - by at least ten years, I believe. It was such an honour to be in the company of my elders and to listen to their thoughts and stories. Thank you all for being so amazing and being so kind.
The kindness of Leather folk is perhaps my favourite thing about them. I believe in kindness; I believe that it's a powerful thing and it's something I strive to be as much as I can (without hurting myself of course). Kindness is what bridges gaps between us all, regardless of age, gender, race, orientation, or anything else. The kindness that filled the gaps between us all at the dinner was palpable and beautiful.
Thank you to all those at the table, for your kindness and conversation and joy.
Thank you to all those who served, for your kindness and dedication and care.
(And thank you to the pup who sat in the corner, giving us all warmth and laughter... such a contribution can't be denied either, and was certainly a wonderful addition to the dinner.)
Thank you to the host, for your kindness and generosity.
Thank you to Bella, for everything you have done for the community and everything you are, and for letting us all be a part of such a special moment for you.
Thank you, Leather community, for allowing me such an experience so early in my life, one that I will treasure for the rest of it.
I volunteered to help in the kitchen so I arrived in the morning. I spent the next four hours peeling and chopping vegetables which I imagine sounds very boring but honestly it was the best job I could have had. I got to be helpful and free up time for others to do more important activities without straining myself in any way. I enjoy chopping and peeling vegetables, as I find it very meditative, so I don't even feel like I was working that hard. It was a pleasure to be useful before the actual dinner, and it helped calm my nerves about it all - after all, I was helping, I was present, and I was focussed. What was there to be nervous about in such a state?
My boy came with me and did general dogsbody work through the day and evening - he helped out wherever he was required. Duties that he was involved in that day were so many - helping with the spit, helping with the potatoes, valet duties, drinks service, and probably more things behind the scenes that I did not see.
I had put the pressure on my boy a little before this event - I wanted him to make me proud. And that he did. By being flexible and ready to help wherever he was needed in whatever way was needed, he made himself available for service in a way that truly, truly did me proud. I am so honoured to be Daddy to such a dedicated and caring boy, who will put his hand up for whatever is needed.
At three, which was when the dominants were to be arriving (though many arrived early), I went and got dressed. Last year my boy organized for all my friends to put money in to get me a specially tailored suit, and we finally picked it up this past week. I combined that with the tailored shirt that I got with it, and my leather vest. I must have looked fabulous, everyone complimented me - though I wonder what it says about me that people sounded so surprised that I looked so good ;)
It was the perfect debut for my suit; as many of the people involved with the dinner had put in money for it, and it was such a special occasion for me. I felt proud and humbled at the same time by it all.
I went out the back so I could enter through the front door - my theory was that all the other dominants got to come through the front door, so I wanted to as well :) In the living room we dominants gathered and chatted and it was lovely. Drinks and nibbles were served by two wonderful submissives.
I was very quiet - not just at this point but through the whole night. It wasn't shyness for once; it was that I was genuinely enjoying just listening. People had wonderful stories and thoughts to share, and as I said at one point - I enjoy hearing about people's lives. I am only 25 and haven't had a life yet. :) It was then commented, "but look at how you're starting!", and I have to agree. To be present at such an event was glorious, and especially wonderful for me as the youngest person at the table.
When the time came, we were introduced to our servers for the evening - two servers to three dominants. I was served by the wonderful Taya and Ben, who were both charming and I felt very cared for by them.
We were then seated at the table and it felt like the night truly began. We talked and joked and shared stories and it was wonderful. The food was amazing, cooked by the wonderful Ms Lyn, and it was just sensational. The service was beautiful, despite the visible nerves all the submissives worked cleanly and quickly and I was never left wanting for anything. Maid Michelle made sure our drinks continued to flow with dedication.
As our meal finished, all the submissives gathered in the dining room and a cake was brought out and placed in front of Bella.
I don't know how comfortable people involved would be for me to describe what came next in detail, so I will refrain. However, I still want to express my feelings.
To watch Bella receive her Master's cover from such a respected and experienced person, surrounded by her Leather family and community, was such an honour, I can't even express it properly with only words. I teared up as I watched, rapt with joy. As I hugged her after I managed to choke out some words - "Thank you, for being you. I look up to you so much."
It's so true and so much bigger than those words could convey - but choked up with emotion it's often hard to get across meaning like that. Bella is such a role model for me, she is so kind, gentle and extremely skilled, and her dedication to Leather, service and kindness is beyond amazing. Should I be half the person she is as I grow, I will be a great person.
To share in such an event with her was such an honour, such a pleasure. To be present was, as its word implies, a gift.
After the ceremony we all shared in the cake and some more concrete gifts - as the dinner was "Christmas in July" themed, we had a kris kringle. Just to truly top off the night for me, my kris kringle gift was a beautiful clear paddle made by maid Michelle. This was such good luck for me for so many reasons - I have been wanting a paddle for some time, but unable to afford one. I also admire Michelle's work so much, but again, cash is rather tight at the moment, so being able to own a piece of Michelle's work makes me incredibly happy.
Not long after the kris kringle, sadly I had to leave as my body was starting to hurt in a very bad way and the tiredness that I'd been keeping at bay for a few hours crept up on me all at once. Boy drove me home and from there we went straight to bed, where I stayed until this morning, essentially.
I have so many feelings about the high protocol dinner - it was so wonderful, such a bright spot in my life, and something I already know I will look back on as I grow and always smile about.
One particular pleasure for me was being the youngest person at the table - by at least ten years, I believe. It was such an honour to be in the company of my elders and to listen to their thoughts and stories. Thank you all for being so amazing and being so kind.
The kindness of Leather folk is perhaps my favourite thing about them. I believe in kindness; I believe that it's a powerful thing and it's something I strive to be as much as I can (without hurting myself of course). Kindness is what bridges gaps between us all, regardless of age, gender, race, orientation, or anything else. The kindness that filled the gaps between us all at the dinner was palpable and beautiful.
Thank you to all those at the table, for your kindness and conversation and joy.
Thank you to all those who served, for your kindness and dedication and care.
(And thank you to the pup who sat in the corner, giving us all warmth and laughter... such a contribution can't be denied either, and was certainly a wonderful addition to the dinner.)
Thank you to the host, for your kindness and generosity.
Thank you to Bella, for everything you have done for the community and everything you are, and for letting us all be a part of such a special moment for you.
Thank you, Leather community, for allowing me such an experience so early in my life, one that I will treasure for the rest of it.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Politeness towards submissives
Apparently I'm feeling a bit wordy today.
I was reading a post over on Fetlife about rituals and 'an average day in a D/s household' and things, and I had a few thoughts.
First of all, a lot of people say "well it's like any household" and I know where they're coming from, because I feel like that too, but we're not really. I remember this when I have vanilla folks come to stay, and they look a little awkward when I tell the boy to do something. Tell, not ask. People do pick up on little things like that.
But anyway, that got me thinking about something else. Politeness.
I think it's interesting to watch tops/doms interacting with their bottoms/subs with a view to politeness. Some people are rough and harsh, some people are polite but firm. I think it's interesting that everyone has a different style (and good too, how boring would it be if we were all the same).
I tend to be quite polite towards my submissives. I don't feel like I am much of the time, but when I compare my behaviour to other people it's clear that I am.
Even the order-giving protocol between the boy and I show this. When I want the boy to do something and it's a direct order, I precede it with the words "would you kindly...". This is partially because I am an enormous nerd (it's a BioShock reference), but it also serves a couple of other purposes. For example, it's something I can say when in vanilla company and it comes across as a polite request rather than an order, and I do believe in being somewhat discreet in certain types of company. Secondly, it's polite and kind and gentle, and these are things that I like to consider myself, as a dominant and as a person.
When I am in D/s atmospheres (that is, ones where there is an unspoken atmosphere of all dominants having a slightly higher standing that all submissives... it's very hard to explain, but it's Advanced D/s(tm) so I think it's more of a "you know it when you see it" thing rather than something that can be shown specifically), it's in my nature to be extremely polite to submissives. Probably even more polite than I am to other dominants.
I'm not sure exactly why this is, though I have a few theories.
One theory is that in these types of contexts, submissives often *are* performing service, whether it be specifically towards me or more towards everyone - and even if they're not, it often still has an atmosphere of being *prepared* to serve. I think that service is a valuable thing and I want to show my gratitude towards submissives who serve.
Another is that if there is a palatable power imbalance, I want the submissives to know that I respect them and their personhood, regardless of power imbalances. One way I do this is with politeness.
And I think really that's what politeness is about. It's about respecting people's personhood. That's one of the biggest reasons that I believe in politeness - not just in a D/s context, but in general.
An interesting experience I had was when a submissive that belonged to a friend of mine was at dinner with my family. Their dominant was not present, and they were helping out with setting the table and things. I handed them something and asked them to put it on the table, and after they did so they came back and asked what I had said after I had asked that, because they didn't quite hear me. I shrugged and said that I had simply said "please". They were a little surprised and we had a joke together about the fact they're not accustomed to hearing "please" aimed at them.
It's something I have learned about my natural dominating style. I like to say "please" and "thank you". It doesn't make me less in control and it doesn't make my orders not orders. It's just something that I enjoy. It's a way that I can show my gratitude towards submissives who serve me.
As my Leather family and household will grow, I can see that this will become something that I will continue to do. Even should I own a slave/pet/etc, I will still say "please" and "thank you" to them, even when it accompanies orders. It's something I enjoy. It's my little way of saying "thank you for serving me" every time I give an order.
I was reading a post over on Fetlife about rituals and 'an average day in a D/s household' and things, and I had a few thoughts.
First of all, a lot of people say "well it's like any household" and I know where they're coming from, because I feel like that too, but we're not really. I remember this when I have vanilla folks come to stay, and they look a little awkward when I tell the boy to do something. Tell, not ask. People do pick up on little things like that.
But anyway, that got me thinking about something else. Politeness.
I think it's interesting to watch tops/doms interacting with their bottoms/subs with a view to politeness. Some people are rough and harsh, some people are polite but firm. I think it's interesting that everyone has a different style (and good too, how boring would it be if we were all the same).
I tend to be quite polite towards my submissives. I don't feel like I am much of the time, but when I compare my behaviour to other people it's clear that I am.
Even the order-giving protocol between the boy and I show this. When I want the boy to do something and it's a direct order, I precede it with the words "would you kindly...". This is partially because I am an enormous nerd (it's a BioShock reference), but it also serves a couple of other purposes. For example, it's something I can say when in vanilla company and it comes across as a polite request rather than an order, and I do believe in being somewhat discreet in certain types of company. Secondly, it's polite and kind and gentle, and these are things that I like to consider myself, as a dominant and as a person.
When I am in D/s atmospheres (that is, ones where there is an unspoken atmosphere of all dominants having a slightly higher standing that all submissives... it's very hard to explain, but it's Advanced D/s(tm) so I think it's more of a "you know it when you see it" thing rather than something that can be shown specifically), it's in my nature to be extremely polite to submissives. Probably even more polite than I am to other dominants.
I'm not sure exactly why this is, though I have a few theories.
One theory is that in these types of contexts, submissives often *are* performing service, whether it be specifically towards me or more towards everyone - and even if they're not, it often still has an atmosphere of being *prepared* to serve. I think that service is a valuable thing and I want to show my gratitude towards submissives who serve.
Another is that if there is a palatable power imbalance, I want the submissives to know that I respect them and their personhood, regardless of power imbalances. One way I do this is with politeness.
And I think really that's what politeness is about. It's about respecting people's personhood. That's one of the biggest reasons that I believe in politeness - not just in a D/s context, but in general.
An interesting experience I had was when a submissive that belonged to a friend of mine was at dinner with my family. Their dominant was not present, and they were helping out with setting the table and things. I handed them something and asked them to put it on the table, and after they did so they came back and asked what I had said after I had asked that, because they didn't quite hear me. I shrugged and said that I had simply said "please". They were a little surprised and we had a joke together about the fact they're not accustomed to hearing "please" aimed at them.
It's something I have learned about my natural dominating style. I like to say "please" and "thank you". It doesn't make me less in control and it doesn't make my orders not orders. It's just something that I enjoy. It's a way that I can show my gratitude towards submissives who serve me.
As my Leather family and household will grow, I can see that this will become something that I will continue to do. Even should I own a slave/pet/etc, I will still say "please" and "thank you" to them, even when it accompanies orders. It's something I enjoy. It's my little way of saying "thank you for serving me" every time I give an order.
More Perfume Business
So I wanted to talk a bit more about the High Protocol dinner that's happening in a few days. But I can't think of anything to say other than ohmygodohmygodohmygod. I'm a little nervous, though the nerves are starting to settle as we get closer and closer to the day (which is unusual, nerves usually get worse the closer you get, but hey, I'm not complaining).
I don't want to just not write anything though, because I've been a bit slack with this blog recently due to aforementioned family drama occupying most of my mental energy. But I love this blog. Sooo... screw you, family drama. I'm going to write about stuff.
I noticed recently that my post on marking territory with perfume was linked elsewhere on the intertubes, and I realize that I wrote in that that I would keep you updated, so I thought I might do that.
I haven't done anything on that front yet because I still haven't found the scent I want. Admittedly recently I haven't been looking very hard, but still.
I still plan to buy a scent to mark the boy with, once I find the right one. At the moment I am thinking I will investigate the Demeter Fragrance Library, as I've owned scents by them before and enjoyed their scent very much. I know everyone recommends BPAL for perfumes, but honestly I've yet to smell a BPAL scent that I actually enjoy.
I've been a little tempted by ZOMG Smells as I've smelled a couple of their scents, but I'm not sure I want to spend the money on buying a shit tonne of samples just to find the right one.
Demeter, though, I know I can buy locally, which means I can go in and sniff all the bottles like the crazed scent freak I am. Plus I can take the boy with me and make sure that whatever I pick isn't something he completely despises.
So that's about where that is. It's still on the table, but nothing new has happened, because I'm a lazy fuck.
And if you think it's weird that a masculine man might be into perfume, particularly into putting perfume on another man... then I suggest you need to wonder why straight men like it when women wear it. :P
I don't want to just not write anything though, because I've been a bit slack with this blog recently due to aforementioned family drama occupying most of my mental energy. But I love this blog. Sooo... screw you, family drama. I'm going to write about stuff.
I noticed recently that my post on marking territory with perfume was linked elsewhere on the intertubes, and I realize that I wrote in that that I would keep you updated, so I thought I might do that.
I haven't done anything on that front yet because I still haven't found the scent I want. Admittedly recently I haven't been looking very hard, but still.
I still plan to buy a scent to mark the boy with, once I find the right one. At the moment I am thinking I will investigate the Demeter Fragrance Library, as I've owned scents by them before and enjoyed their scent very much. I know everyone recommends BPAL for perfumes, but honestly I've yet to smell a BPAL scent that I actually enjoy.
I've been a little tempted by ZOMG Smells as I've smelled a couple of their scents, but I'm not sure I want to spend the money on buying a shit tonne of samples just to find the right one.
Demeter, though, I know I can buy locally, which means I can go in and sniff all the bottles like the crazed scent freak I am. Plus I can take the boy with me and make sure that whatever I pick isn't something he completely despises.
So that's about where that is. It's still on the table, but nothing new has happened, because I'm a lazy fuck.
And if you think it's weird that a masculine man might be into perfume, particularly into putting perfume on another man... then I suggest you need to wonder why straight men like it when women wear it. :P
Saturday, July 2, 2011
High Protocol Dinner
So I'm not sure if I even actually wrote about this - a quick browse over the last few entries didn't show it, and an anonymouse's comment on my last entry also implies that I didn't - but the local Leather community is having a high protocol dinner on July 17th.
The subject came up at MLD a few months ago while we were discussing protocols and whether that was something we wanted to explore further as a community. Everyone was very excited by the idea of a high protocol event, and a dinner was an obvious choice. So we picked a date and a host volunteered and we started organizing.
So, a high protocol dinner. What it is varies on its atmosphere. The question "is it a Leather thing" came up, and well, no, not exactly. It will be in this case because it is for us. Because we're coming at it from a position of, we enjoy Leather and high protocol, and we want a place to explore that.
But high protocol dinners are fairly common in the BDSM world, and in the vanilla world too. In the vanilla world they're for rich business men and special occasions like anniversaries, but sometimes your average person takes part too because they're fun.
In the BDSM world - and in the Leather world - it's a bit different. You're not hiring caterers and waiters, for example. That's what submissives are for. :) And there is a more... richly sexual tinge to the atmosphere. Not necessarily sexual as in, people fuck - in fact they usually don't - but sexual as in everyone is raw beneath their manners and aroused by the formality of it all.
So for our Leather dinner, we'll have 12 dominants seated at the dining table. We'll have many submissives running about behind the scenes - in the kitchen, in the parking lot (boy is going to be a valet for the first part of the evening), things like that.
The point is for us to enjoy our dominant or submissive positions as a sort of roleplay for several hours. The submissives will be serving, and the dominants will be served.
High protocol means just that - it's a very strict code of behaviour for the evening, where everyone (including dominants) have certain rules they have to obey, certain expectations about their appearance, and certain ways they have to behave.
We've all been given a manual to read up on before the day, it's around 20 pages long and includes slave positions, serving instructions, and rituals for the day.
One of the interesting things about this dinner in particular is that pre-existing couples will be split for the event. It's an opportunity to (as subs) show our excellence in service and (as doms) to receive service gratefully from someone different, who we cannot take for granted.
Another thing about this dinner is that there will be a Leather ceremony performed directly after dinner. I will write more about that after it has happened, because I'm enjoying my own private little joys about it until then. :)
So - a formal dinner, where the submissives serve the dominants and everyone is expected to be on their best behaviour, with many rituals in place. That's what this dinner is. A place for us to indulge in a bit of a fantasy for a while. :)
Personally I'm very nervous about the dinner; I come from a lower class background and still am not well acquainted with even the middle classes, let alone the upper classes, so a lot of the manners expected of me will be things I have little practise in. But I will do my best, and I'm sure it will be an excellent experience.
I'm sure I'll ramble more about the dinner sometime soon - probably after the rehearsal on Sunday.
I hope that's clear - I'm a bit muddle headed at the moment!
The subject came up at MLD a few months ago while we were discussing protocols and whether that was something we wanted to explore further as a community. Everyone was very excited by the idea of a high protocol event, and a dinner was an obvious choice. So we picked a date and a host volunteered and we started organizing.
So, a high protocol dinner. What it is varies on its atmosphere. The question "is it a Leather thing" came up, and well, no, not exactly. It will be in this case because it is for us. Because we're coming at it from a position of, we enjoy Leather and high protocol, and we want a place to explore that.
But high protocol dinners are fairly common in the BDSM world, and in the vanilla world too. In the vanilla world they're for rich business men and special occasions like anniversaries, but sometimes your average person takes part too because they're fun.
In the BDSM world - and in the Leather world - it's a bit different. You're not hiring caterers and waiters, for example. That's what submissives are for. :) And there is a more... richly sexual tinge to the atmosphere. Not necessarily sexual as in, people fuck - in fact they usually don't - but sexual as in everyone is raw beneath their manners and aroused by the formality of it all.
So for our Leather dinner, we'll have 12 dominants seated at the dining table. We'll have many submissives running about behind the scenes - in the kitchen, in the parking lot (boy is going to be a valet for the first part of the evening), things like that.
The point is for us to enjoy our dominant or submissive positions as a sort of roleplay for several hours. The submissives will be serving, and the dominants will be served.
High protocol means just that - it's a very strict code of behaviour for the evening, where everyone (including dominants) have certain rules they have to obey, certain expectations about their appearance, and certain ways they have to behave.
We've all been given a manual to read up on before the day, it's around 20 pages long and includes slave positions, serving instructions, and rituals for the day.
One of the interesting things about this dinner in particular is that pre-existing couples will be split for the event. It's an opportunity to (as subs) show our excellence in service and (as doms) to receive service gratefully from someone different, who we cannot take for granted.
Another thing about this dinner is that there will be a Leather ceremony performed directly after dinner. I will write more about that after it has happened, because I'm enjoying my own private little joys about it until then. :)
So - a formal dinner, where the submissives serve the dominants and everyone is expected to be on their best behaviour, with many rituals in place. That's what this dinner is. A place for us to indulge in a bit of a fantasy for a while. :)
Personally I'm very nervous about the dinner; I come from a lower class background and still am not well acquainted with even the middle classes, let alone the upper classes, so a lot of the manners expected of me will be things I have little practise in. But I will do my best, and I'm sure it will be an excellent experience.
I'm sure I'll ramble more about the dinner sometime soon - probably after the rehearsal on Sunday.
I hope that's clear - I'm a bit muddle headed at the moment!
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