Saturday, March 6, 2010

Build it and they will come doesn't always work.

I'm excited about an upcoming exclusive play party. It's being held at a very large, very awesome venue, later on this month. I've been trying to convince everyone eligible to come that they should, because it will be a great experience.

Whenever I try to convince friends to come to things I enjoy, the inevitable question is raised:

"Will there be any other queers there?"

At which point I need to shuffle awkwardly, say "Well I'll be there, and my boy, and I'm sure there will be at least a couple of others too..."

Queers (at least the type that people mean when they ask if queers will be there) aren't very common in the pansexual kink scene here in Melbourne. Sure, there's a handful of us who are at every event, but in the bigger picture... most of the kinky queers either stay in the dyke scene or the gay scene. The exceptions being, of course, bisexual & pansexual folk (who are often not welcome in the dyke/gay scene) and some transfolk (though many transfolk stay in the dyke/gay scene anyway... usually whichever one their assigned birth gender matches, unfortunately, because trans politics has a long way to go in the world).

And of course the question of "will queers be there" means "I only want to go if there are other queers".

Which is awkward. Because if queers aren't there, queers won't go, and if queers won't go, queers won't be there.

You can see the problem with this.

I really do wish that queers could handle the idea of trying out the pansexual scene, even just a couple of times, without worrying too hard that "it's full of straight people". Just come out and have fun. Bring a friend, that way you won't be alone with the scary heterosexuals.

I do understand the desire to be with other queers. I have it, too. But sometimes it's worth venturing outside the ghetto. You never know what you might find.

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