Thursday, December 2, 2010


I have made a decision. And more interestingly, I've made a decision that affects the boy without consulting him about it.

First, the decision - I've decided I'm going to hire a cleaner. Once a fortnight, perhaps once a week if I can afford it.

The reason is that while the boy is happy to do most of the chores around the house, it's clear that it's just that little bit too much for him to handle. It's making him cranky and eating all his spare time. And while he's got a handle on the stuff that he has no wriggle room for - his daily chores - the stuff that just need doing every so often isn't working out so well, even though we're sort of trying a system. It's clear that it's becoming a problem.

This is something boy and I talked about when we were in the process of moving in together. Being disabled, I can't do many chores, and I was hesitant to ask him to keep the house clean as his entire responsibility. This is because I was worried that he might come to resent it. He hasn't come to resent it, and he very much enjoys serving me... but all the cleaning is eating into his spare time, and it is eating into time he could be spending on improving his life, or at the very least, time he could be spending giving attention to me. :P

So while I know the boy doesn't mind doing all the chores himself, I'm no longer okay with it. I stress about it a lot, worry that he's going to start resenting me any second now, worry that he's pushing himself too hard, worry about everything. So I've decided to hire a cleaner.

It's a perfect solution, because it doesn't remove his daily chores, but it does ease up on all the other bits and pieces that stress me out and make his life harder.

Now normally, when you make a decision that affects someone, you talk to them about it. But I haven't mentioned this to boy yet. Partially because this was a decision I literally made overnight, and I haven't seen him yet since making it. (I will, of course, talk to him about it when he gets home from work.)

But the big reason is because this is non-negotiable, as far as I'm concerned. Him doing all the chores is upsetting me, and it's something that's easily fixed. I'm not going to ask him to put money towards it (though he is allowed to), and as I said, it doesn't affect his daily routines.

But it's something that has to happen, for me to be happy. So I could discuss it with him first, but the outcome is going to be the same. So I've just cut out the middle part and made the decision. We'll still talk about it, but unless he has some extremely impressive reason against it, it's going to happen.

Also, as his Daddy, and as head of this house... this exactly the kind of thing that I have the authority to make decisions about.

And you know, if for some strange reason this is a problem and we have a fight... well, we get to flex our conflict resolution skills, and I'll have something else to write about. :)

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