Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sometimes It's Us Who Changes

You know how sometimes your life brings you a lot of little 'ping!' enlightenment type moments all along the same time?  I've been having a bit of that recently, especially in regards to running a household.  One I'd like to talk about today is a strange prejudice I didn't know I had until I came up against it and resolved it.

Boy is very dedicated to his service, but he overestimates his abilities and he forgets things a lot due to health issues.  I've been at my wits' end for months now, I have tried so many different techniques over the years of making it easier for him to keep up to date with his duties, and none of them have stuck.

Recently I changed something, and instantly we are doing better.

I changed which one of us had to change.

Instead of me trying to change boy's behaviour to improve his service, I changed mine.

Instead of giving him to do list apps on his phone or adding or taking away punishments or positive reinforcements, or any of the other millions of things I've tried over the years - I changed the system thus:  I add his tasks to my to do list on my phone, usually phrased like "remind boy to mow the lawn".  Now, when I look at my phone and see there is a task that boy's duties dictate he does, I see it and simply tell him to do it and then he does.

It's such a simple solution I don't know why I didn't think of it before now.

I think the reason I didn't is because of a prejudice I found lurking at the bottom of my psyche.  I felt that the submissive should be the one to change in order to fit what the Dominant requires, rather than the other way around.

When I say it 'out loud' like that, it sounds ridiculous.  Because it is ridiculous.

Any relationship requires compromise on both sides.  This is something I'm very good with in most ways, but somehow it had escaped me in regards to his inability to remember his tasks etc.

But this is what a Dominant should do.  A good Dominant takes stock of a situation and makes it work.  It's my job to make sure my subs do the things they're told to do and behave the way they're told to behave.  Sometimes that just requires me telling them to do so, yes - but sometimes it takes me going a little bit further and making sure of it.

It's my job to run things.  It's my job to make things work.  Sometimes that means changing my own patterns or behaviours.

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