A question I've had aimed at me is "What's it LIKE to be in a D/s relationship?"
Not usually asked by vanilla folk, actually. Usually asked by folk who are kinky, or think they are kinky, who desire D/s relationships, or think they do, but they're not sure... people who want to know what it's like not just out of curiosity, but because they think they might like it too.
I never know how to answer. I usually say something like "it's good" or something equally stupid.
It's 1am here at the moment so I don't expect this entry to answer the question properly right now either. But I want to think about out loud it a little.
What is it like?
It's... secure. It's very secure. You know where things are. You know the rules, not because they're built by society and trained into you by magazines and schoolyard gossip, but because you've talked about it and figured it out together.
It's... fun. It's like getting to play games all day every day with your best friend.
It's hard. It's hard because you need to talk about EVERYTHING. It's hard because you are intentionally creating a power imbalance, so you have to somehow find a way to make sure everyone is getting their needs met. It's hard because sometimes you just want to say "fuck it" and watch movies together and not have the D/s exist.
It's also hard because you have to know yourself. You have to know as much as you can about yourself. Your strengths, yes, your needs, definitely... and your weaknesses, absolutely. You need to be able to handle your weaknesses. That's probably the hardest bit, and not something I always succeed at (I am still very young, after all, everything is still practise).
It's sexy. It's all your wet dreams come to life, and that's fucking amazing.
It's fulfilling. When you were a kid, didn't you want to be kind of bad ass? Being in a D/s relationship makes you kind of bad ass. And you know what? Being bad ass is fucking awesome.
That's kind of what it's like. It's like being a happy, secure, sexy, satisfied, self-actualized, challenged, excited, hot and horny bad ass. And that's awesome.