Saturday, April 7, 2012

Under Consideration

Serina and I have started our three month period of consideration. On or around July 5th, we'll discuss how we're going and what will change and where we will go next.

It's very interesting, actually - my biggest concern about her has been and is that she is very fast to jump into things, whereas I am very slow. I suspected she was expecting more than has occurred, and some communication between us has shown this to be so.

For both of us, this is a very serious journey that we are both hoping will end in a total power exchange relationship. But I am so very, very acutely aware of what that means, and I know that for it to work we need to work up to it. We need to learn how we react and relate to each other, we need to make sure we are both thinking clearly before we commit to more than we can actually give.

So we are starting light. Slowly, ever so slowly, we will gradually increase what parts of her life and herself she is able to give me control over.

This also gives me time to get accustomed to spending energy on someone new, without burning out due to too much too soon. I am already responsible for myself and for my boy, adding a new life to that needs to be done slowly and carefully so that I don't snap and break down from pressure.

It also gives time for her partner to get accustomed to me being a part of her life without feeling like I am about to steal her away from her forever. It lets Serina and boy get accustomed to each other. It lets me get to know Serina's partner. The combining and expanding of families isn't a small thing to be rushed.

I know Serina wants so much more, and that's good, because I do too. But in time.

For now, I have changed her hair to something that pleases me, and I have set her a bedtime for when she is alone. In the time between seeing her, I will be thinking, and planning, and thinking some more. Working out my feelings. Working out my plans. Slowly we will increase my presence in her life, and slowly I will become used to receiving service from her. Also I will plot and plan terrible things to do to her.

All while balancing my relationship with boy and making sure his needs are cared for, and making sure that I remember to take time for myself as well.

I see a lot of talk on the internet about "under consideration", or the consideration period of D/s dating. A lot of people seem to think that it's a ridiculous idea and we should simply "call it what it is - dating".

I don't agree with this.

I get where they are coming from - the period of time between "we have met" and "we are now in a relationship" is usually called dating. It's the part where you get to know each other and get a feel for how you act around each other and how you fit into each other's lives.

But the thing is, for me, dating is something I do with vanilla partners. The consideration period is that part of getting to know each other for D/s partners.

I suppose, for a lot of people, it's irrelevant, as a lot of people are monogamous, and a lot of people see a D/s relationship and a vanilla romantic relationship as two parts of the same relationship. But that's not where I'm coming from.

I am not testing the waters with Serina in that way. I am testing the waters with her with a view towards her becoming my slave.

I am not dating her. I am considering her. And likewise, she is considering me, finding out if I am good for her.

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