Oh boy blog, where to even start.
There's a lot going on with me. Stuff is very complex and I'm very busy at the moment, and unfortunately my disability has decided to be a pain in the ass at the same time.
I'm behind in emails something shocking, I'm stressed and busy and blaahhh.
I want to update you on something but I'm honestly not sure what to write about. At the moment a lot of my mental energy is dealing with my vanilla family (specifically my father and his dementia) and when I do have moments to spare to think about kink and sex I just find myself a little overwhelmed with desire but completely lacking energy. It's a rough place to be in.
The rehearsal for the high protocol dinner is this sunday, so that will be interesting to go along to. And hopefully it will ease many of my nerves about the whole affair.
I've got pretty high expectations of my boy for this dinner. I don't normally have high expectations (in fact I'm often rather lenient) so it will be interesting to see how he responds to the added pressure.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The line between play and life.
Today I was thinking that what I really want right now is a friend or two (or a few) who I can have come over, have tea or dinner or something, and just chat and hang about, and have my boy serve us all.
The thing is that this is surprisingly hard to figure out.
For example, said friends need to be comfortable accepting service in what is clearly a D/s way, HOWEVER, I don't want them thinking that the boy is public property and can be bossed around by anyone. I need the friends to respect him more as a waiter than as a submissive, I suppose.
But I do want it to have that D/s flavour, which means they can't be totally vanilla or kinky-but-vanilla-in-friendship-with-me.
So I'm thinking. About all the bits and bobs of this - not just who I could invite to such a thing, but also what little things I need to organize before I could do it anyway, like training the boy in certain ways and buying a few bits and pieces that I don't currently own. Also I want to organize a couple of outfits for the boy, because clothes make the man as they say. :)
The thing is that this is surprisingly hard to figure out.
For example, said friends need to be comfortable accepting service in what is clearly a D/s way, HOWEVER, I don't want them thinking that the boy is public property and can be bossed around by anyone. I need the friends to respect him more as a waiter than as a submissive, I suppose.
But I do want it to have that D/s flavour, which means they can't be totally vanilla or kinky-but-vanilla-in-friendship-with-me.
So I'm thinking. About all the bits and bobs of this - not just who I could invite to such a thing, but also what little things I need to organize before I could do it anyway, like training the boy in certain ways and buying a few bits and pieces that I don't currently own. Also I want to organize a couple of outfits for the boy, because clothes make the man as they say. :)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Quick sexual/lifestyle frustration stream of consciousness post...
I adore my boy and everything he is and everything we have. Our dynamic is very much about support and service and thriving without struggle.
But sometimes… okay, lots of the time… I crave owning someone who has a desire to be pushed, phyiscally. Someone for whom physicality is a huge part of D/s. Someone who would enjoy things like hard bondage, long term bondage, uncomfortable bondage… things like not being allowed on furniture and sleeping full time in a cage (and someone for whom that was a real option, because as much as the boy wouldn’t mind that, it would conflict with his health and his job)… someone who would enjoy being pushed, enjoy the struggle, enjoy battling their inner selves out on the physical plane.
One day, I’m sure I’ll find them…
But sometimes… okay, lots of the time… I crave owning someone who has a desire to be pushed, phyiscally. Someone for whom physicality is a huge part of D/s. Someone who would enjoy things like hard bondage, long term bondage, uncomfortable bondage… things like not being allowed on furniture and sleeping full time in a cage (and someone for whom that was a real option, because as much as the boy wouldn’t mind that, it would conflict with his health and his job)… someone who would enjoy being pushed, enjoy the struggle, enjoy battling their inner selves out on the physical plane.
One day, I’m sure I’ll find them…
Monday, June 13, 2011
Hooked Up #6
Hooked Up was yesterday. My friends and I repeated our performance from last time, with big energy work and big awesomeness. I'll post pictures from it when I have them, because I am absolutely certain there will be some great ones.
It was a lovely few hours, I always feel amazing at hook events. They're like church for me. A lot of people coming together and FEELING things together, pushing themselves, caring for each other, loving... our little corner was full of people hugging, not just hello and goodbye but hugs because we wanted to, because we were a part of something and wanted to feel it physically, feel each other's touch and skin to ground us and remind us why we were there.
It was so much. It was so wonderful.
I was going to write more about it but I've just started remembering it all and it's savouring away in my mind. Perhaps I'll come back and write more about it some other time, when it's a little further away and easier to use actual words to think about the experience.
It was a lovely few hours, I always feel amazing at hook events. They're like church for me. A lot of people coming together and FEELING things together, pushing themselves, caring for each other, loving... our little corner was full of people hugging, not just hello and goodbye but hugs because we wanted to, because we were a part of something and wanted to feel it physically, feel each other's touch and skin to ground us and remind us why we were there.
It was so much. It was so wonderful.
I was going to write more about it but I've just started remembering it all and it's savouring away in my mind. Perhaps I'll come back and write more about it some other time, when it's a little further away and easier to use actual words to think about the experience.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Stuff and Things
There's a lot of heavy, heavy things going on with my blood family at the moment and I'm a bit (lol understatement) stressed out.
I don't really know why I'm writing this here, I suppose it's a heads up in case my updating continues to be a bit odd over the coming weeks.
I'm hoping to combat my stress with more play and fun than usual though so hopefully I'll have a lot to write about, even if it won't be very deep. :)
I don't really know why I'm writing this here, I suppose it's a heads up in case my updating continues to be a bit odd over the coming weeks.
I'm hoping to combat my stress with more play and fun than usual though so hopefully I'll have a lot to write about, even if it won't be very deep. :)
Monday, May 23, 2011
Receiving Service with a Smile
Service is a big part of the relationship between the boy and me. I feel valued when boy performs service for me, and boy feels valued when he can provide me with service. It's a good arrangement.
However there are snags. I am disabled, and I have trouble accepting service for things I am unable to do myself. Much of the housework, for example, is something that the boy enjoys to do as service to me - but I struggle with that, because he is doing it because he has to, not because he wants to. This is of course the reason why I hired a cleaner a while back. She comes twice a month and does all the big cleaning like scrubbing the showers and mopping the floors. Her, I am paying money and so there is a clear exchange going on that makes it okay for me to accept.
But it's always been a struggle with the boy. Even though I know he enjoys serving me, I am always worried that he will resent me for "not pulling my weight".
Anyway, recently I've been finding it easier to accept things like housework as service. I'm not sure what's changed, but it's good.
The thing that makes service special is when it is received in a meaningful way. One of the struggles with how I feel about housework as service is that despite all my above-mentioned issues, I have always *wanted* to appreciate housework service in the same way that I appreciate the other ways boy serves me.
So, I am changing in the best possible way. I am finding it easier and easier to receive service with a smile.
However there are snags. I am disabled, and I have trouble accepting service for things I am unable to do myself. Much of the housework, for example, is something that the boy enjoys to do as service to me - but I struggle with that, because he is doing it because he has to, not because he wants to. This is of course the reason why I hired a cleaner a while back. She comes twice a month and does all the big cleaning like scrubbing the showers and mopping the floors. Her, I am paying money and so there is a clear exchange going on that makes it okay for me to accept.
But it's always been a struggle with the boy. Even though I know he enjoys serving me, I am always worried that he will resent me for "not pulling my weight".
Anyway, recently I've been finding it easier to accept things like housework as service. I'm not sure what's changed, but it's good.
The thing that makes service special is when it is received in a meaningful way. One of the struggles with how I feel about housework as service is that despite all my above-mentioned issues, I have always *wanted* to appreciate housework service in the same way that I appreciate the other ways boy serves me.
So, I am changing in the best possible way. I am finding it easier and easier to receive service with a smile.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
100th Post!
So this is my 100th post to this blog!
I feel like I should do something important, like make a special post or run a contest or something, but honestly I can't think of anything. So I suppose I'll just talk about my life in Leather and where I'm at at the moment. That's still a pretty decent thing to do for my 100th post, I think.
So let's talk about the boy, first. Boy and I are doing very well. Our fifth anniversary is coming up in a bit over six months and I'm already freaking out about it a little - this is the longest and most successful relationship I've ever had (admittedly not that big of a deal at my young age of 25), and it shows no signs of cracking or going downhill any time soon. We suit each other very well and are very compatible both now and in the long term. Things are really good between us.
My own journey is plodding along very nicely. I am a slow sort of person by nature, I like to think about things a lot and move slowly, and I am moving perfectly well at my own pace. I am valuing the journey very much.
I am well connected in my community to many friends and acquaintances that enrich my life and make being a part of the community as important to my Leather life as my inclination to D/s. Even though I'm very shy and I'm still struggling with that (and probably will for some time yet), I have only ever been welcomed and treated with love and care.
I am passively in the market for a slave, but I am not looking very hard yet. I am still sorting out some details in my life before I worry about actively looking.
Despite recent challenges, my life is going extremely well and I feel that Leather enriches my life and fulfils me in a very important way.
So that's my 100th post. Life is good. I am happy.
I feel like I should do something important, like make a special post or run a contest or something, but honestly I can't think of anything. So I suppose I'll just talk about my life in Leather and where I'm at at the moment. That's still a pretty decent thing to do for my 100th post, I think.
So let's talk about the boy, first. Boy and I are doing very well. Our fifth anniversary is coming up in a bit over six months and I'm already freaking out about it a little - this is the longest and most successful relationship I've ever had (admittedly not that big of a deal at my young age of 25), and it shows no signs of cracking or going downhill any time soon. We suit each other very well and are very compatible both now and in the long term. Things are really good between us.
My own journey is plodding along very nicely. I am a slow sort of person by nature, I like to think about things a lot and move slowly, and I am moving perfectly well at my own pace. I am valuing the journey very much.
I am well connected in my community to many friends and acquaintances that enrich my life and make being a part of the community as important to my Leather life as my inclination to D/s. Even though I'm very shy and I'm still struggling with that (and probably will for some time yet), I have only ever been welcomed and treated with love and care.
I am passively in the market for a slave, but I am not looking very hard yet. I am still sorting out some details in my life before I worry about actively looking.
Despite recent challenges, my life is going extremely well and I feel that Leather enriches my life and fulfils me in a very important way.
So that's my 100th post. Life is good. I am happy.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Leather Beginnings
Boy does not really identify as a Leather boy. He identifies as a boy, and as *my* boy specifically, but Leather is more something that *I* am, and he just sits on the outside of.
Recently he has been considering taking the step over the line from "not Leather" to "Leather". Of course it is mostly an identity thing, but for him it also encompasses some other aspects, such as rituals and expectations and protocols and things.
We have been talking about it. It's my belief that he is ready to start the journey but fear is stopping him. I know the boy well, so I am happy to wait a little while to let the fear wash over him before we try dissolving it.
There is time. Life is not a race.
Recently he has been considering taking the step over the line from "not Leather" to "Leather". Of course it is mostly an identity thing, but for him it also encompasses some other aspects, such as rituals and expectations and protocols and things.
We have been talking about it. It's my belief that he is ready to start the journey but fear is stopping him. I know the boy well, so I am happy to wait a little while to let the fear wash over him before we try dissolving it.
There is time. Life is not a race.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Oh, the last few weeks.
Where to even begin.
The unfortunate thing is that I'm unable to go into too many details.
The short version:
* Boy, of course, with his broken arm.
* Boy had some other health issues and we've been spending a lot of time at the doctor (he is doing fine at the moment).
* A dear friend is going through a rough patch and has moved in with us for a little while.
And there's probably more that I've forgotten. Hence the radio silence, you see!
The unfortunate side effect is that I've been missing the scene terribly. Boy and I still have our daily rituals but even some of those fell aside while he has been sick.
It's been... rough.
At any rate I am starting to turn back into a human, I am off to a fetish event tomorrow to get back into the swing of things. Boy and I have been talking a lot and things are moving. Huzzuh! And thus, this blog will not continue to be so empty :)
The unfortunate thing is that I'm unable to go into too many details.
The short version:
* Boy, of course, with his broken arm.
* Boy had some other health issues and we've been spending a lot of time at the doctor (he is doing fine at the moment).
* A dear friend is going through a rough patch and has moved in with us for a little while.
And there's probably more that I've forgotten. Hence the radio silence, you see!
The unfortunate side effect is that I've been missing the scene terribly. Boy and I still have our daily rituals but even some of those fell aside while he has been sick.
It's been... rough.
At any rate I am starting to turn back into a human, I am off to a fetish event tomorrow to get back into the swing of things. Boy and I have been talking a lot and things are moving. Huzzuh! And thus, this blog will not continue to be so empty :)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A lot's been going on.
Life's been getting in the way of me posting here. Sadly not all of it is good either.
I don't particularly feel like sharing much, but suffice to say I haven't had a lot of spare time and I'm worn out. I will blog again soon, hopefully. I do have a lot to talk about. <3
I don't particularly feel like sharing much, but suffice to say I haven't had a lot of spare time and I'm worn out. I will blog again soon, hopefully. I do have a lot to talk about. <3
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