Ropey Pony

As you may remember, this year I had to cut rope off a bottom.

Since then I've been left with bundles of cut rope not quite long enough to salvage even for much shorter useful lengths. Due to being both a bit of a hippie and dirt poor, I abhor waste.

So I'm recycling.

I'm using this rope to construct a rope bridle for pony play. I'll probably use it to make a tail as well, and anything else that I can think of that can be made with what I have - which I'm sure will be something. I firmly believe that rope can do anything.

Live in D/s

After weeks of discussion (and more to come), the boy and I have decided to move in together, in a few months from now.

It was not something we discussed lightly. We both have a lot of Stuff(tm) about commitment, and live-in relationships. He due to inexperience (he has never lived with a partner before) and I due to baggage (thanks to a truly messy breakup from a few years ago). We're both very independent and need our space - me especially.

In discussing, we've agreed the best option is to find some sort of balance between living with your partner, and just sharehousing with them - even more important when you remember that we are polyamorous, and need the configuration to be comfortable for us and any other partners we bring home.

One thing that I've been worrying about is making the transition from D/s to live-in D/s.

For example, as we live separately, we have our own chores to do in our own houses - and the boy does mine for me when he comes over and I ask/tell him to (or he squirms away and does them without me asking). But when we live together, though, if he does most/all of the chores - will that work as simply as that? I do not want him to resent me for not doing my share.

And what about sleeping habits? Often when the boy stays over at my place, he sleeps in the cage. But I have little desire to see him always sleep in the cage, and even if he did, what would we do with his bed? Where would we *put* the cage, if he was sleeping in it every night? The dungeon? The living room? His room? Not my room, that's for certain - that stubborn "I need my space" feeling cancels that out.

What about slaves? I do want a live in slave at some point, how will we need to negotiate that?

So as you can see, we have a lot to work out. But I'm feeling confident, we're very good at working through our stuff together. I will keep you all posted. :)

Spoilt Rotten

I'm a spoiler. I spoil little girls and boys absolutely rotten.

It grew very easily - a little too easily - out of simply being a very nurturing person. I always have been and I always will be. I doubt I will ever be the sort of stern, strict dominant who makes their slaves' lives exciting sorts of hell.

Instead I prefer to nurture, to cuddle, to love and help grow. I discipline, yes, and I set structure and rules, and I even punish when it's called for. But deep down, I simply adore giving subs cuddles and presents and making dinner for them.

This is also why I prefer obedient submissives over the bratty type that love to be 'forced' to do things. I don't want to 'force' if I don't have to, I'd rather ask (or gently command) and then reward profusely.

It has it's drawbacks - sometimes I literally spoil rotten, and need to cut back on my leniency. Sometimes I need to remind myself that subs are a bit like puppies - you can spoil them, yes, but if you give a little too far they will jump all over you and you will no longer be in charge. Fortunately, I'm very much a dog person and am quite good at training them ;)

But at the end of the day, I like being a spoiler. There's nothing I love more than the squeals of delight when a submissive is given a special treat.

This post bought to you by a princess saying she'd like a plush toy or a pony, and me deciding that I would just give her both.

Chastity

Some sad stuff has happened in my world this week (there was a death in the boy's family), so I am firmly not going to talk about those things here and instead write about something fun and amusing.

Recently, realizing a fantasy of his, the boy bought a CB6000 chastity device.

As I've said before, he's already on orgasm denial, so even if this wasn't something he desperately wanted, it was probably a logical progression anyway.

We went to Mannhaus, which is an excellent store and we always try to buy there as the service is amazing and we want to support the business. The boy chatted to the guy working there and learned quite a bit, since apparently he had also worn one for two weeks previously. We bought the cage, then came home.

Now, here's the thing.

It's very, very difficult to get a chastity device onto someone who is turned on by chastity.

Even though the boy did a lot of it himself, he needed help for some of it. Besides, I wanted to be a part of it - I was the one locking him into chastity, for goodness sakes.

So, we would do a part, then he'd have to lie down and relax and meditate for a little while to calm things down. Then there'd be a mad rush to get another part done, then more relaxing.

It took half an hour.

Never let it be said that living a BDSM lifestyle isn't hilarious as much as it is serious and sexy.

Reactions, Denial, and the Blogroll

I really need to update the links on my blogroll on this blog, I noticed a few of them don't exist anymore. This is pretty sad for me as I really enjoyed those blogs, so I'm sad to see them cease to exist.

Anyway.

Recently I've been being amused by people's reactions.

The boy has been on orgasm denial since December. He has not had an orgasm (aside from nocturnal emissions, which I do not count because I am neither ignorant of anatomy nor excruciatingly cruel) in 2010. Being that it is now the end of April, people's reactions to this can be pretty amusing.

Without fail, they will be astounded or amazed at first. Then they will either proclaim loudly about how they could never do that, never go that long without an orgasm - or they will smile, sometimes a little shyly, and say that that's kind of cool.

I never used to be interested in orgasm denial - I only got into it because it interested the boy. At first it was just extended teasing, then denial for a couple of days, then a couple of weeks, then a bit over a month. At this point, at four months, I can safely say that I've become a complete convert.

The strangest side effect of it has been that I am more secure in our relationship. I feel like I truly am dominant over him at all times, because I am controlling his sexuality at all times.

This means that - as we are polyamorous - that even if the boy has sex with someone else... he is not allowed to come without *my* permission. He also should not ask for permission. Oh he *can* ask for permission... but I'm always going to say no.

And all this... all this leaves me feeling very secure in our relationship. How can I feel jealous, how can I feel possessive, how can I feel threatened or afraid or even just a little worried, when I control the peak of his sexual pleasure? And more importantly, when he *consents* to me controlling the peak of his sexual pleasure?

Yes, I'm definitely a convert. And I keep joking about making the boy wait an entire year before his next orgasm, so it would be in December this year. But every time I say it it feels a little bit less like a joke....

Responsibility

Responsibility is a pretty big part of D/s and Leather. Whether it's being responsible for your submissive, or being responsible for fulfilling your duties to your dominant, it's a pretty important part of this type of lifestyle.

Recently I have been coming into a place of further responsibility towards my community.

Over the last couple of years, but much more intensely in the last couple of months, I've been approached by people. People asking my advice, my thoughts, my recommendations. People asking for my help. People finding comfort and safety in my company.

While a large part of me is stunned at this, being that I am but a baby of the world (I am only 24 years old), I am doing my best to not respond with self-deprecating nonsense. I am doing my best to not say "But why me? I'm crap!" or anything like that.

Instead I am doing my best to take this responsibility seriously.

If people are coming to me asking for help, it is my responsibility to take that seriously. To listen to them, to do my best for them within my abilities. To care for them as much as I am able to do without compromising myself.

If people look up to me, it is my responsibility to do my best at being a person worth the faith they put in me.

It is, of course, not my responsibility to demand an unreachable standard of myself, by any means. But I believe I can find the balance between being a person who holds up to people's ideal of me being a person of good regard - AND being able to care for myself and allow myself my human flaws.

Or at least, that is what I am aiming for.

Differences Between Boy and Slave

My boy is my boy, he is not my slave.

For a lot of people in D/s relationships, the line between D/s and M/s can be very blurry. For others, it is so far apart it's ridiculous to think of them together.

I'm a terrible black and white thinker. I can't do it. I just... don't think in black and white, at all. Black is just very dark grey, and white is just very light grey. They're there, but they're on a spectrum. This is how I see most things in life, and D/s is no exception.

This post is not meant to explain all the differences between boys and slaves. As with everything in life (ah, here is my grey thinking) it all comes down to the people involved and how it works for them.

But for us? Definitely my boy, definitely not my slave. I am his Daddy, his mentor, his guide, his partner, but not his Master.

I think one of the key distinctions for us about this is that rather than control the boy's behaviour or life, I support him and encourage him to build his own. This doesn't mean that I don't tell him what to do a lot - on the contrary, he has a bed time and set gym times, and I can order him to do something at any time of day - but it does mean that I don't utilize that to its logical conclusion. I do not desire to do this for him, and I think even if I tried, he would resent it.

I do not tell my boy who he can socialize with or even when he can socialize. He is free to make his own connections with other people and to interact with them however he likes. Sometimes I will make suggestions, for example I have told him I would like him to attend the local submissive's munch when he can, but they are suggestions, not orders.

I encourage my boy to follow his heart and do what he loves. I do not seek to control that for him. I encourage him to work as he likes, play as he likes, see who he likes, experience life as he likes.

Were I to have a slave, this would not be the case.

In a slave I would expect to have rights over their life (within reason - some people's hard limits may involve things like "no removing me from my career" for example). I would have no qualms sending them to TAFE to learn skills that would be useful for me, modifying their bodies without asking (shaving heads, for example), or installing annoying protocols in their lives that I find arousing (not being allowed to use furniture, for example).

A part of me feels odd laying this out here on my blog for people to see, because the truth is that I'm a very flexible individual. I am open to most types of relationships with most types of people. I like that no two relationships are the same. I like being able to build a relationship from the inside, rather than going in with expectations.

But after a lot of self work in the last few months (well, last few years really!) I find myself in the position of actually seeking a slave. And it means that I have very clear ideas on where a slave differs from a boy - after all, I already have a boy.

What it does seem to come down to is the level of control and authority. While I have an enormous amount of control and authority over the boy, it is not total, nor would either of us wish it to be.

I do not seek to mould the boy into any particular type of person; rather, I seek to assist him in fulfilling his potential as who he is and who he desires to be.

That, dear readers, is a very important difference.

In a slave, I want near-total control and authority. But that doesn't mean I want a doormat, which I am finding means that I am having trouble finding suitable people. I want a slave who is stubborn and ambitious - the type of person who, while they do seek to be a slave, seeks to be the best possible slave they could be.

I'm looking for the elusive slave-minded person who thinks, "I won't settle for being locked in a cage all hours of the day, only used for sexual service. I can be so much more. I can be anything, I can be amazing. I can and will be the most impressive slave anyone has seen. People will compliment my Master on how incredible I am. Master will wonder how he ever did without me."

To be fair, I do actually already know someone who thinks like this - but he is one of my best friends, so that isn't going to work ;)

Eight Hours Leaves Me Sore

At a local event on Sunday night, the boy and I were out for eight hours. I'm quite fucked now, unsurprisingly.

It was a really excellent night. We pooled money together with a couple of other people and bought two people at the slave auction, who we tied next to each other and four of us went around them beating them up a lot. It was amazing, and they totally won the masochistic lottery... having at two people beating on you at any given time, sometimes three? Winners all round. Both of them are total pain sluts too so we could go really hard on them which was a lot of fun. It's been so long since I had that much fun doing impact play - I've been a little off impact play the last year or so, it hasn't been worth the effort, but last night was totally awesome.

Then I tied up and suspended this gorgeous girl and it was one of the most enjoyable amazing suspensions I've ever done, we had this amazing chemistry. When I was initially tying her up she would lean back into me, and when she was up and I put my hand on hers to see if her hands needed to be untied (checking the temperature), she grabbed hold of my hand and entwined her fingers in mine. And at the end she kind of puddled against me on the floor and we cuddled for a little while.

I feel energized from it all, I think perhaps I haven't been getting enough BDSM in my life recently, which is a little odd considering I live D/s. But it can be very easy to let things slide a little, and considering my libido has been extremely high recently, probably not that weird that I've needed bigger doses than usual.

Sorry this entry isn't more interesting - I'm still recovering!

Snippet

Boy: I need to get out of bed.

Myself: I can help you, if you want.

Boy: I don't like it when you help.

I tickled him until he got out of bed. :)

Marking Territory

Let's talk about something much, much more fun.

Recently I gave my boy orders that once he has used up his current supplies, he is only to use scent-free deoderants, shower gels, aftershaves etc. My reasoning for this is that I'm rather like a dog - smell is extremely important to how I perceive the world.

And what do dogs do? That's right, they piss on things so that they're theirs. A dog can smell their own scent on something and know that it belongs to them.

Now, I'm not actually going to piss on the boy. Firstly, neither of us get particularly excited about watersports, secondly, I don't particularly like the smell of piss, and thirdly, it would be awkward sending him off into the world always smelling of piss.

But I'm still going to mark him with a scent. I'm either going to buy, or more likely I'm going to make, some kind of cologne/perfume. Then when I see him, I'm going to spray him with it. That way he'll smell good, and every time I smell his good-smelling-goodness, I will be reminded that he is mine, and he is wearing that scent for me.

The only hard part is actually picking a scent. I'm quite partial to things that smell like baking, or things that make me want to eat them, so I've been tossing up between vanilla or artificial strawberry. That way there's either delicious irony, or strawberry lollipops. Although it has been suggested to use both, which I might do, which may well end in the boy smelling like strawberry cupcakes.

I'll keep you updated. :)