Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Prattling On About Power Balances

It's been a while!  Sorry about that.

Things have been super busy for me - I've had a friend staying with me for a while, while she house-hunted so her and her husband can move down here.  I'm happy to say they were successful and I believe they're coming down for good next weekend, very much looking forward to that.

Things with boy are going extremely well.  We've had a couple of little hiccups that are normal in longterm relationships but nothing serious, and every day I am grateful for his stability and love in my life.

Things with serina are also going well, and we are beginning to approach that point where we'll stop 'figuring things out' and start really 'doing'.  She's been under my consideration for two months now, with one more to go until we sit down and figure out where we go from here.  Things are good.  I enjoy her company and her service, and the four of us (myself, boy, serina, and serina's girl) all get along well.

In the Leatherman's Handbook, I seem to recall it's actually recommended for Leather men to have a vanilla partner, and I am definitely seeing the wisdom in that recently.  I do not think I would be able to deal with serina as successfully if I did not have my relationship with boy.  Obviously boy and I aren't vanilla, but we are lovers and we are partners in life - I'm the superhero, he is my sidekick.  So it's as close to an egalitarian relationship I'm ever going to have, and it's exactly what I need.

Because serina and I are talking long term, and we are talking slavery, that means I need to be careful of our boundaries.  Love is good, care is good, but at no point do I want to feel as though we are... hmm, what's the word?  I can't think of it, but basically I don't want to fall into the trap of having any feelings or thoughts towards her that might threaten the D/s balance.

It's a hard line to walk, especially as she is prone to worrying that she is not cared for or that she is unimportant, and I need to find ways to reassure her that that is not the case, that do not break the D/s dynamic.

Hmm, actually, just having typed that sentence I feel like I opened up a few things in my head.  That's good.

Things are still precarious at this point in time, I suppose.  I've gotten so accustomed to power exchange that I'm re-learning how to only employ it at a superficial level.  For me D/s is one of the few places in life where I am a rather black and white person, and I am used to either everything or nothing. In between makes me a little nervous.  But I deal with it.  It was my idea to take things slowly, after all :p

Sorry for all that prattle - in short, I want to be careful to avoid the trap I see many Masters fall into, where they suddenly realize they cannot Master their slaves any more, because they care too deeply (in the wrong way) for their slave.  It's an extremely common occurrence and I want to avoid that - love?  yes.  care?  yes.  both those things deeply and passionately?  yes, eventually.  But the right kind of love and care.  Love and care in the right direction, with the right focus.  At no point do I want to find myself hovering over her with a cane and then stopping myself and saying "I can't".

I feel the best way for me to avoid this is to be aware of its commonality, and be wary of it from the very beginning of the relationship.  If I can keep it in mind, if I am careful, I think it can be avoided.

When we've talked about it before she has said how much the idea concerned her, and she has also expressed a comfort with being 'below' my boy in the pack heirarchy.  These things combine to make me feel like this will work out all right, and we can balance it all.

And this is partially why it's good having boy have my back.  He is a very solid foundation for me.  His support means that I can take a stronger dominant position over serina, and when I have moments of weakness, he can shoulder it instead of her.

This is also why I'm so glad serina has her girl, ylatch - it means that she has a lover, someone to be her partner in life.  Ylatch can give her so much that I won't be able to, and that's a good thing.  I don't feel threatened by that, I feel comforted.  Reassured.

As we continue, our D/s relationship which (hopefully) will become a M/s relationship, will be supported by our partners.  This can only be a good thing, offering extra support and stability to a relationship type which is often fraught with complications.

Complications do not concern me.  I can deal with any and all complications that come my way, as long as I have a strong foundation beneath me.

No comments:

Post a Comment